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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask about alcoholic sister coming home and family gatherings.

32 replies

Alcoholtakingherlife · 23/01/2026 21:46

My sister is an alcoholic with all of the things that go with addictions, she is has been drunk at work, is made her selfish, unkind and uncaring. She has a niece that she crows on about my daughter who she's not seen in four years. She stayed at Christmas with our parents and just generally got drunk and embarrassed herself after some weeks of sobriety. She lies and days she is getting help when she wasn't. I met up with her after new year with my daughter she swore blind she wouldn't drink for the time, but she arrived pissed it was awful. Stroking my daughters hand talking to her like a baby , she is nine ffs. We went home. She has thousands of pounds from our parents because she can't budget despite being on anmuch higher wage than me. When our mum received life limiting diagnosis last year she put it all over Facebook. I've stepped back as I'd rather say nothing than say something I'd later regret but told her she can't be like that around children.
We received the terrible news this evening that she is coming back to live in the UK after 5 years in Ireland. Life has been happy without her here but now she returns. Its my Aunties 60th birthday in March and she is back before that date. We are having a little gathering at my house and she has announced she's coming, all the family will be there. She has decreed that nobody should be drinking alcohol but I'd don't think that is realistic. Its a big birthday. I don't want her to be around kids drunk. Would it be unreasonable to refuse her any alcohol but to allow other people to drink, I can't risk a repeat performance of our last meeting. I also know my very lovely mum and dad would be heartbroken if she wasn't invited. Any thoughts welcome. This will also help me to set the scene for other family get togethers.

OP posts:
GLC789 · 23/01/2026 22:38

First reply nails it.

You shouldn't host. Get the party moved. She can come and do what she likes, you have an exit plan if needed so you and DD can go elsewhere if youre uncomfortable.

If you host at yours, you're stuck there.

Soonenough · 23/01/2026 22:34

Why is she leaving Ireland. Where does she think she is going to live ? Do not let her move in with you and I'd advise your parents to say the same . She needs to get sober even go to a clinic before she can be around the family especially the younger people. But your parents and Auntie aren't elderly let them deal with her.

Original poster
Alcoholtakingherlife · 23/01/2026 22:33

Alpacajigsaw · 23/01/2026 22:25

I thought you said she hadn’t seen your daughter in 4 years but then you said you saw her at new year? Probably me but I’m confused

She'd not seen for four years prior to his occasion.

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 23/01/2026 22:29

OP, your DPs can’t expect you to host your DSis in your house if you’re not comfortable doing so. You say your sister has “announced she is coming” and has “decreed that no-one should drink alcohol” - how does she get to call the shots? I think you need to speak to your DPs and perhaps change the venue of the get-together to somewhere you can leave if you need to - perhaps they should host, so that the guest list is not your responsibility. Also, point out to your parents that a celebration for your aunt will involve alcohol, so if your sister is not comfortable with that, best she doesn’t come.

Alpacajigsaw · 23/01/2026 22:25

I thought you said she hadn’t seen your daughter in 4 years but then you said you saw her at new year? Probably me but I’m confused

Alpacajigsaw · 23/01/2026 22:23

Sounds really hard.

Best thing is to tell her she’s not invited. If she was genuinely trying to get sober I’d say make the gathering alcohol free but there’s no way she’ll be sober at it from what you say, no matter what

HowardTJMoon · 23/01/2026 22:18

I entirely understand your motivation here. Having a member of your family who is an alcoholic often leaves you trying to find the least shitty out of a bunch of really shitty option. You're trying to keep the maximum number of people happy at the minimum potential emotional cost. But you're trying to negotiate with someone else's addiction and that simply doesn't work.

What will you do if she turns up already drunk? What will you do if she turns up (mostly) sober but openly drinks in front of you? Or keeps nipping to the loo and swigging the vodka she's got hidden in her bag? Are you going to throw her out? Having a screaming argument? Or seethe in silence and feel your own stress levels rise because once again she's put alcohol in front of everything else and treated you like a fool?

As harsh as it is to have to say it, I think you should put your foot down - if your mum and dad want this get-together to be at your house then your sister will not be invited. If they insist she must be there then it'll have to be held somewhere else, somewhere that you and your DD can leave if sis gets drunk and embarrassing. You can't control what she does. All you can control is where you and your DD are and to make sure you have an exit plan for if/when your sister becomes intolerably drunk again.