I don’t want this life, I want my old one.

I look back with such fondness for all the days out I used to spend with the kids. Happy happy days, but bloody hard work too. Life really does move on and you have to find other things.

Can you drop your hours at all? Maybe another day. If you were able to afford being off all this time maybe it’s possible. I enjoy the days when I am able to pick them up from school and take them to the park. We always do that on a Friday still and you can make new mum friends that are off at the same time.

Also in the primary school years you find new things about them to bring you joy. I love watching mine do their sports of choice. For my boys it’s football and my daughter dancing and regular dancing competitions. Never thought I would be a dance mum but watching her compete brings so much joy.

You can still have all that though - evenings and weekends are made for fun!

She is enjoying herself, being with her friends and learning loads of new things.

You also get to focus on yourself and your career - being a mum is only 1 part of you.

And what an incredible role model you are to her showing that you work and provide, as well as take care of her and yourself.

You eventually find the joys in the new stages. I miss having a baby, my youngest is now is school so I’ve deleted all the toddler/ pre schooler social media stuff. But on the other side watching her learn to read, taking her to more exciting activists at the weekend- watching Traitors with my eldest. Don’t miss the current stage for looking back.

Aw, I hear you.
My youngest is now 16. I was lucky enough to be a sahm with him till he started school. I still miss our mummy and 'Tom' days.
Each stage is a new adventure though, now mums taxi rides provide that bit of time where he'll sit and chat (and can't escape)

Like all change, you'll get used to it and adapt. Make weekends a special time instead.

I miss my children being little, but I truly love their adapting lives. I love them wanting to help me and telling me to rest. I love them being able to reach cupboards that I can't. I love my son telling me what he has learnt at Uni, and debating topics. I love my daughter "spilling the T' every day after school and stealing my clothes. I have loved watching them become self sufficient. I love the fact they still hug me but now I fit into their arms, rather than them fitting into mine. I love that I'm still their Mummy who they turn to. I love that we still snuggle up together.

Yes, they're older, independent and have their own lives that don't always involve me. But just like I feel with my own Mum, that bond is permanent and just grows year on year, from protectiveness to pride, to security and warmth.

Treasure all moments, and don't miss out on the present joy by pining for the past

Xx

Hi, my children are all adults now but I remember when my oldest started school how bereft I felt. It was like the end of an era of us all at home in our own little bubble. It took time and I adjusted and really enjoyed the holidays and also seeing my children develop their own little life.
It was probably a little easier for me as I had other children at home and more time to adjust. Be kind to yourself and own how you feel but also try and re frame your thoughts little by little and enjoy seeing your little one make their own way little by little.

Do something you can’t do with a small child every so often like getting a massage. Try to change the narrative that this is a positive as I couldn’t get this massage if I had DD her.

It’s super sad them starting school, I cried a lot. But try to focus on some positives. The school holidays are going to be even more precious.

Can you book some mini holiday that wouldn’t be able to afford if you didn’t work? Then during that mini break it’s all about thinking, I go to work to give my DD this experience

@Ionlydrinkcokeafewtimesperyear I really empathise, I too only have one DD and was unable to have any more. She started school nursery at 3 but I still had her on Fridays, and I finished work at 3 so I had that time with her.

Reception she was in every day but again I finished at 3 so it didn’t feel quite as bad although I do remember the feelings you’re describing.

Shes halfway through year 1 now and I’m used to it and don’t think about it much, but I’d give anything to go back!

It is sad when a stage you’ve loved comes to an end. It doesn’t help to say don’t be sad that it’s ending, be happy that it happened - but it does sound like you gave your daughter a beautiful life before she started school and she and you will always remember that feeling of being together.
What are your work hours, do you get to do any pick ups at all? If so tell yourself lighter evenings are coming and so are the opportunities for park visits, ice cream trips, maybe even after school dates with friends? If not after school, at the weekends? Spring will be brighter.

OP, this is so hard, but you really need to make yourself your priority, look at any and every group in your area.
For my my friend whom felt like tou, she got involved with every grouping, council etc that involved her child.
She was brilliant and kept her boundaries tight, so was never exploited in her volunteering.
It was great. She has really great friends, including me. Great woman.

So bringing up a toddler isn’t adult or responsible. I see

@Ionlydrinkcokeafewtimesperyear it is hard; I think I’ll be a mix of elated and bereft when my dd starts school. It’s definitely a seismic change and all you can do is let yourself slowly adjust, being kind to yourself in the process

My youngest started school and my first few weeks of days off without were hard - I really missed our little routines. But I've created a new routine I love - this week I even got to sit down and watch a whole hour of TV before pick up time! I am looking forward to lovely spring and summer afternoons in the garden together though!

I know I am very lucky. But it's four times the heartache. Not sure I'm going to cope with the leaving for uni another three times! I have done 4 lots of potty training and 4 lots of teething.....

It is really hard so not much point in pretending it's not, but my third son is disabled so I do a lot of looking back and feeling sad, wanting time to stop, to go back in time. The thing that helps is thinking it could be worse if I'd chosen xyz instead of whatever I'm pining after.

So yes maybe you could delay dc school start or home Ed, or had six kids. But every different choice there would be a different outcome. Which might have been even worse.

There's lots of nice things to come too. Watching them do plays in school, making new little chums. Besides if everything stays the same we would miss out on so much. Like when th are y teenagers and come find you at midnight to start a heavy conversation on politics just as you are going up to bed!

It's not worse or better. It's just differe, and each stage is lovely. But it's feeling they are slipping away. It's hard.

I get the being sad. It is sad to move on from that stage and given you have said you can't have any more children it must weigh heavier. I really hope in time you feel better. Much love to you.

Awwww I’m not in your situation but I totally get what you mean. I went back to work when my son was 1 but I loved mat leave with him and our little outings and I recently had 2.5 weeks off work at Christmas just being a mum and I was soooo sad to go back because life seemed so lovely and simple and like my corporate job didn’t really matter.

Winter is hard too, like we’re just waiting for bed time after school. Spring and summer we do garden activities and go
for walks after school.

Hi OP. I get you. My life has changed. Carer for elderly relative. I would like my old life back

OP,parenting has its stages. It’s winter time and the days are short but they are getting longer so you will be able to spend some time with DD.

It’s hard sometimes when we try to juggle everything and find the balance.

These better,longer,sunnier days will come🙂
Take each day as it comes(grey and dull at the moment unfortunately) but find something that suits you both.

I hear you, op. It's ok to be sad and miss it.
Saying goodbye to a chapter of life you enjoyed is always hard

It can be hard adjusting to each new stage as it comes along. Life can’t stay the same and that’s what makes the ordinary little moments so special- and many of us don’t realise how special they were until we look back. My DCs are 20 and 17. I love being a parent to older teens/young adults- I’ve probably done the best of my parenting in the last few years. I found being a Mum to babies/toddlers/pre-schoolers much harder. But I sometimes feel so overwhelmed with sadness when I recall the bath times and story times and the pyjamaed snuggles 😭

And all of this said with recognition that I have been very lucky to have two children that I wanted. I know some don’t get any; some don’t get as many as they’d like. Some have children that they didn’t truly want. So I’m grateful and count my blessings.

Do you want more babies? 👶