I don’t want this life, I want my old one.

I feel the same way.

My son started Reception in September, after nearly 5 years at home together. We were in such a great routine, he went to pre school for a couple of days and I had time to get stuff done so we could really enjoy our days together.

We had so many adventures, and lovely slow mornings at home with no rush to be anywhere.

I miss him all the time. I'm going back to work but I everywhere I go, I'm reminded of our days. I only get the rush of the morning and the wind down of the evening now.

I really wish that period didn't have to end. I'm even looking forward to grandchildren in about 30 years so I can have a little taste again!

Oh...my son has just come home after his part time job that X's mum is doing a curry night for 6 of them so they are all going over to his.
They live 3 minutes away.
She does this regularly.

She has one son, they are friends 18 years, she's lovely, a great cook, and my son 100% loves her more than any of our relatives that live 90 minutes + away.

Be that house that your childs friends love.
I did that with mine and it really served me well.

It is hard. Treasure the memories, it's wonderful to have had that time.

DC1 is early thirties, whilst DC3 has just turned 19 (DC2 is aged 21, they're full siblings). Due to the age gap I felt like I got a experience motherhood twice. I say this because I felt like all the innocent magical moments had passed with DC1 by the time DC2 came along, the belief in Father Christmas, even the tooth fairy and Easter bunny. I realised how quickly those years flew by, that the times I enjoyed most, such as the Nativity would only be during the infant and nursery years.

When DC2 was born I savoured all those times and lived far more in the moment, rather than looking to the next milestone.

I think after so many years of school runs I was ready for them to end. What I can say now is I adore spending time with my now adult DC. It is different, but equally lovely.

I have a life limiting condition and am grateful to have been able to be a guide in their lives for the whole of their childhoods. To see the people DC have become is a blessing.

If you're fortunate there are so many things to look forward to. From things such as all passing their driving tests, exams, succeeding in their professional and personal lives, etc. Watching DC1 marry his teenage sweetheart a couple of years ago in a private ceremony and celebrating with just eight guests is a memory I will always treasure. They had a huge 'wedding' a fortnight later but that tiny personal day was amazing.

Every year brings joy. I must admit I shed a tear when DC3 went off to university, but was incredibly proud she aced her A levels to win her place. The highlight of last year was the birth of our first GC. They live close enough that we already have a lovely bond and now I'm looking forward (with DS and DIL's permission) to witness all the lovely parts of her childhood.

My advice would be not to mourn what has passed, cherish what you have and look forward to all that the future will bring.

It's bloody hard, and it goes so fast, you barely have the time to enjoy it.

It will pass, and you will soon you are in a new stage, which is different, but just as good. In some ways, life gets a lot easier as they get older, and they get smarter, and funny in a different ways

I feel sorry for all these mothers who post everywhere how they dread school holidays and having the kids at home, they are missing out on so much.

See I'd say you were lucky to have had that once. I had DD and then DS in under two years, and whilst I adored them, DS has adhd and it meant we never had calm and fun in the way you describe with your DD. It was always constant and unrelenting chaos, with DS running off or screaming or climbing something terrifying.

I think this might be more about you than anything. Do try and seek out some fun in your life in the times without DD.

I think your feelings must be amplified by you wanting more babies but not being able to have them - a new stage isn’t just a change, it’s the last time you’ll be able to do it. I have three kids and bigger changes were definitely hardest with the youngest.

its fine and normal to want to go back to times that were special but this doesn’t mean it will always feel as bleak. You might not be able to spend every day with her but you will see her become more independent, how she is with friends, how she learns and who she grows up to be. And along the way will be many many special moments, even if your time together is less.

It’s ok to grieve this and miss it. Im dreading the time theses data come to and end.

I feel like this with my DD (also late July.) I wish she was September so I could have another year with her when she’s four,
four is such a lovely age.

I would happily return a two year old however!

She’s 5.

Late summer birthday so only just 5 when she started year 1. Made it a bit harder with reception because I felt like I was almost robbed of the extra time if she’d come a bit later we could have had another year (realistically it would have been tough financially though!)

I sobbed when she finished reception too, absolutely sobbed and completely surprised myself (not in front of her!). I think it felt like the official end of her being ‘little’. But it wasn’t, she’s still little! It just goes very fast.

I loved those years too, and also only managed the one DC unfortunately. But there are still plenty of amazing times ahead, its just a tough adjustment to schooling and full time work again!

It is a happy time when children are little, and very hard to have that time come to an end. I remember that sadness very well, and my youngest is now 24.

How wonderful for both of you that you are the kind of mother that fully enjoys that time together- your love and closeness are not gone- they will always be with you, and those times will continue, in a different way.
Nothing is quite like those early years though--

She’s only at school! Mine started last year too and I agree it’s an adjustment but you have the weekends to do all those things with her, plus everyday after school (if you’re only working during school hours). Dwelling on the negative aspects of it rather than feeling grateful for what you have leads to more misery. My child’s father left me when she was 3 and got 50/50 custody. Be grateful you don’t have to spend half your child’s life away from them cos that really does suck. Sounds like you’re not stimulated enough by your job, might be worth focusing on finding something more exciting. I know that when my DD’s at her dad’s if I’m busy & distracted by work I don’t miss her as much

OP, I found this very moving and sad. Do you want to tell us more about why you can’t have more children? I know I’m lucky to have two, but I wanted three (as did DH, and I would happily have had more)! I wasn’t able to have any more after DC2. We tried and I had lots of chemical pregnancies and one later miscarriage, but I was 38 when I had DC2 and by the time we were trying for another baby I was almost 42 (thanks Covid!).

I had to go back to work when DC1 was 9 months, and again with DC2. So I didn’t have the long days you describe. I imagine that makes it worse. But I have never worked long hours and used to spend a lot of time with them in the afternoon doing the things you describe.

I had to stop going to Lidl because we always went after nursery, and DC2 would always be excited about buying bananas (even though we always had them), and then DC1 would be excited about going on the little car merry-go-round outside. Then I would go by myself and be in tears before I got to the back of the fruit and veg.

I say this only on the basis of my own experience, but what I was really mourning was my inability to have more children. Now they’re older and I’ve accepted that. I see other parents around me feeling preemptively sad about the end of primary school (and, in reality, a child of 5 or 6 is still completely dependent on you and in love with to the exclusion of all others — continuous with a toddler — but a child of 11+ is not!) but I’m coping pretty well. I am sad about DC getting older and growing away; but the intensity of my tears in Lidl was to do with wanting another baby and not being able to have one.

Adding to my earlier post, I know you’re talking about the way your life/ days have changed rather than just them growing up in general, but IMO it’s often tied together.

I really struggled with not having a baby, and then not having a toddler anymore, especially knowing there would only ever be one and having loved that part of my life so much and really feeling like I came into my own in that phase.

I don’t think I fully connected with what everyone says about every phase having its special parts and the joy of it all evolving and the changing relationship. For a while there it was like she was still incredibly full on and demanding, we still didn’t get much sleep, except now I just had less time with her but school runs and longer work hours and everything else that comes with it to navigate instead.

Recently though it’s kind of clicked. I miss the cute baby/ toddler/ preschooler but we have the best chats now, we crack each other up, it’s amazing seeing her making great progress at school and hearing all about her day and her friendships AND she’s getting a little easier/ less full on overall. But also she’s still just the sweetest thing at times and wants all the lovely cuddles etc. This is actually a lovely phase of more independence balanced with them still being your baby.

( If I was posting this last week I’d even say we finally cracked the sleep thing but we seem to be having a bit of a wobble currently so the jury is out. )

I see how much school benefits her too, she was itching to get back after the holidays she’s such a social little thing and really loves it, so that makes it a lot easier.

I don't blame you. I actually think it's really selfish of older people to expect their kids to care for them, it's a bone of contentuon of mine. I see it so much with people a few years older than me getting roped into elder care. My parents are SOL if they expect that from me, not gonna happen.

I never thought I'd miss those days, but I do. I stayed home a bit longer after they started school & we still had school holidays together - whole afternoons at the park, a treat at the shops, etc. I cherished those days, but, I think, not enough. I couldn't wait for them to become less dependent, but this was mostly because everyone was telling me how fabulous it was when they're older.

Now they're older & I'm working mon-fri & barely have any time with them & the oldest is now 13 and not interested!

I still have DD9 but she's already starting to want time with friends instead of me.

It's how it's supposed to go, and since both are ND it's a huge relief to us every time we see them living a normal life. But, it's still hard to adjust to not having that simple fun and watching them break away from us.

Could you change your hours so you work a bit on Wednesdays and pick her up a few days a week? That way, you will have lots of afternoons every week plus weekends. Picking them up after school is also something to enjoy

Do home ed it’s the best! You won’t regret it

I have to add that my four children have the best of friends.
Within each circle are fabulous only children.
Those children's parents have each made their households the most welcoming homes for their childrens friends.
Its impressive!!!
MY children ADORE these parents.
MY children think these parents are the best.
They are almost like a deeply genuine surrogate.
They see my children way more than family that live very far awa.
So my children really love them.

My advice to you OP is to make your home that home.
The best home.
It is definitely what I would do.

The way I dealt with it, also one DC (with ND, & a twin stillborn), was - it's better than the alternative. It's better than having a child eternally 4, when you never get to see them get older. It's better than not having one. It's better than not being here for them as they grow up.
Basically it is a privilege to get to the point you're at.
Reframing it helped a lot for me.

I skimmed your message and thought your daughter was grown up and had left home, but she's 5?! She's still such a little girl and you've got lots of time with her. The early school years are smashing- they become little independent people with their own minds and interests and they start excelling in certain areas. It is such a wonderful time, and many people would love to be back at the phase you're in now

I think I’m going to be you in a year! I had two close together, only 19 months apart. I had 13 months off with my first and then back to work (but wfh) for a few months and now I’m taking extended maternity leave (18 months) with my second which I’m around a third the way through. I adore my days spending them with the children, watching them grow up and being their little playmate. I often say I keep forgetting that I’m on maternity leave and that soon I’ll be back to my day job! I feel so so incredibly lucky to have had the opportunity to stay off work so long with my children but my god my heart hurts when I think that this time next year I’ll be back in work and they’ll be in nursery full time, life just won’t be the same. I was a workaholic before the children were born, often working 60+ hours a week in a demanding senior management role so I don’t even know where to begin finding a balance. Just hoping I win big on premium bonds before then!!