I don’t want this life, I want my old one.

Take her out of school and home school her then

Weird thing to say. OP was already a responsable adult when she was home with her child.

Ah OP I totally empathise, I left my job after a few months of returning from mat leave and found a new part time job in my field (job share) 2 days a week, so had 3 days a week with my LO. Lots of days out, bought a national trust membership and my Mum was alot more mobile so took her out alot with us, loads of great memories.

When he started reception it was really hard, we moved house from a small done up house into a larger fixer upper literally weeks before he started school and everything turned into a massive stress. I missed those days out with him but also my Mum's health started going down hill. I'm also in my 40s, so one and done, and my Mum had me late so she's now in her 80s so I have to work and also look after 2 generations and my LO is so tired after school too now, he really gets a bit nostalgic for the carefree days. Full time school is a hard transition for him and he's in yr1. Hoping it gets easier.

Oh and if you really embrace other children and love and entertain their friends, you are definitely cheating a much wider family for yourself.

In my life my children made so many friends but sone of the parents of these children are now my dearest friends, despite our children having moved on.

I met some core women in MY life tribe, through random friends of my children from 20 years ago.

Get involved would be m advice in every thing your child is interested in.

I totally empathise OP. I was very lucky to be able to be home with my DC until they were 3 and it was joyful. Even that first year of maternity was bliss. Waking up, singing songs, playing cars, pootling about together. There's nothing like it.

It's no different with grandchildren. We have five all primary school age. They're gorgeous just now so sweet and affectionate. I'm dreading the secondary level when they'll outgrow us.

The circle of life I try to think.

I’m with you, op. Time with your child when they are young is a blessing.

My only advice would be that it continues. My kids are young adults I now and I feel as you do about every stage- toddlers, pre-schoolers, school children, teens. I’d give anything for one more day with them at 6 or 9 or 11 or 16. The right lesson to take is to try to focus on the present.

To put life in perspective, you still only work four days a week.

I do get that you miss your days filled with shopping and playing and cappuccinos with all your mummy friends and I don't blame you. It sounds lovely.

Not sure if it extends enough for me to feel sorry for you. Bills need to be paid.

i wish i could say it gets better but sadly not. Mine are almost grown but my phone constantly reminds me of when they were tiny and it takes me back 15 years. Feels like yesterday.

you do learnt to embrace every stage- my particular favourite was 5 until 9. That was the sweet spot. They are still adorable obviously but they are now young adults so your relationship adapts and changes as they prepare to fly the nest.

I wouldn’t want to go back to having a toddler now - too much hard work. I have got used to being an unencumbered adult again but I do get so nostalgic about the cuddles and the parks and the cuteness.

Maybe I'm unusual, but I found work less stressful than spending the whole day with a toddler. I could get a drink or go to the toilet without worrying that whilst I was away, one of my colleagues would climb on to a table and jump off it!

I love my DD, but life is easier now she's at school. We still get to spend time together and I particularly enjoy our summer outings.

Personally I felt it more when elder DS started high school so I had another baby 😅 DD is now getting towards that age and I plan to get a dog! 🐕

You're not unreasonable but go find something to do! There's so much life to live out there.

Me too but for quite different reasons but you know that old clock can’t go back again so we have to find another way to look at time. Very hard but hopefully not impossible. Hugs

Could you adopt another child? Or you could do child minding or fostering?

I totally understand where you're coming from OP, those preschool years with my little ones were the happiest time of my life. I felt quite bereft when my youngest started school, I so missed his company and funny chatter! I got involved in school activities, helped in school a lot listening to readers & doing crafts, cooking, painting etc and then became a dinner lady! It meant that I got to see my kids in the day, even for just a wave or a quick chat!

Not too long now until spring and you'll be able to go to the park etc with your little one after school and do fun things. And it is lovely to see them making friends and becoming more and more independent. Mine are all adults now and still my favourite people to spend time with ☺️

I was almost 60 and exclaimed to my mum how old I’d gotten - and how how rapidly that happened.
”I can’t believe how old I got so fast!!”
I was whining to the only person in the world who still semi-tolerated my whining.
”TRY BEING 92!!!”
I never uttered a peep to my mum about feeling old again.
She lived for four more years and I miss her sass.

What a truly beautiful post ❤️

Its probably just worse because of the time of year. School ends at 3.30 and in a couple of months things will be lighter and warmer and you can start doing walks or trips to the park after school. You've still got so many years of childhood left to enjoy.

I've been telling DC1 (who is 23) a lot recently what a happy time to was when it was just the 2 of us. We met up friends, went to a singing group, the pool, the library and did cookery and craft at home.

This is actually (sorry) an uplifting thread for me. My newborn is currently screaming the house down and I'm wishing that time would speed up and she'd be older and through this phase.

So it's lovely to see all of the messages on this thread from people who want to go back. It gives me a bit of perspective.

I sympathise, but remember you are in a transition phase. I remember going for a coffee alone once my DC were in school and feeling very ‘what was I made for?’ about it all, esp when I saw the mums with babies and toddlers. But 10 years on, the teenage years are a blast!

Also - I changed careers once my kids were a bit older, to work with young people, and it was an injection of joy and purpose into my life. Although the kids I work with are not mine, they bring so much happiness and laughter every day. And I get the school holidays off now with my kids, which is fab. If work is not giving you joy, and a change is feasible, it’s something to consider?

I sympathise OP but you do still have the good days, they’ve just evolved a bit. You see your DD every day and you can still do things together at weekends. She still speaks to you without you having to ‘book’ her time first. There’s no point in looking back, it’s a recipe for sadness.

My children are grown up now. I can honestly say I enjoyed every part of their childhood, and still do. Plus now I have the bonus of grandchildren.

I felt like this too.
I missed the freedom, i missed spending time and being there for DC, I missed my mum friends , I missed not being torn by conflicting priorities, I felt guilty, felt id abandoned my youngest and wasnt there for her like her older siblings for whom id be able to.more easily arrange play dates ,after school activities and always be at every assembly and around during school holiday, having to juggle childcare was tough at times.
Financially going back to work was the right thing to do , and i did enjoy my job, but it was tough.
I think I went through a period of mourning for my old life and had a twinge whenever i saw mums and toddlers together .
You will adjust , life moves on, and nothing lasts forever, there are lots of stages to parenthood and childhood .
But your feelings are totally relatable and understandable.

Wish I could go back to my old life too, although it didn't involve kids. I used to be mega fit and a dancer and martial artist, and now I'm trying to save up for a wheelchair I can't afford but will mean I can at least get out on the less mobile days! Life changes suck whatever they are, especially when it's due to something beyond our control, sending you hugs Op.