I don’t want this life, I want my old one.

Sorry if already asked- have you definitely settled on "one and done"? I realise there can be a multitude of issues behind that. But it sounds like you'd like to go again?

OMFG... Life goes on.. kids get older...deal with it.. get a hobby

I have two and was a SAHM until my youngest started school and I have moments where I think like you. Those days were just so lovely and easy, so many lovely memories and I’m so glad I had the chance to have all that time off with them.
Back at work now and parenting older kids and it’s different but lovely in a different way. Each stage I think you mourn but the next stage then starts and has its own good bits.

Aw OP, your post made me tear up, I totally understand.

I went back to work after 13 months with my DD but I still have a day off with her, and she also gets to spend 2 days with her grandparents which is really lovely.

I have recently been thinking about her starting school - she's 3 now but autumn-born so won't start until next September - and the realisation that she wouldn't be around any weekdays anymore was really tough.

I remember just after returning to work, I used to get so upset seeing people walking round tesco with toddlers in their trolleys or even just seeing them in the park together, I used to think how lucky they were and how I wished I could have been able to spend more time with mine when she's so little, like my mum was able to with me.

It does get better, I don't really think about it now as our routine has just become the norm and I actually enjoy having time to myself, albeit at work. But I know I will struggle when she starts school, it already feels like the end of a special era I had been waiting for my whole life.

Much love to you x

Slightly off the point, but if you can afford it you are entitled to 4 weeks unpaid parental leave each year until your child is 18. So in addition to annual leave you can take 4 weeks more off to be with your DD in school holidays.

My DC are grown up now, and each stage had its joys and its difficulties. But one stage I loved was going to stay in London with DD from when she was about 8 or 9. We used to stay in a small hotel near Paddington, go to TopShop, go to the V&A to see the fabulous jewellery, in go to shows... You have things like that to look forward to!

Its true that children go to school young in the UK. Why shouldn't a parent want to spend days eith their 4 or 5..or even 6 year old and not just willingly swap it for tired after school time.

I find it odd that some posters are tellinf you its natural for kids to move on..I dont particularly think its natural for a 5 year old to spend so much timr away from their parents but it is how we do it in the UK
I would suggest trying to work in a way that you can have all the holidays and after school hours as often as possible

What is true is the holidays are long ! You will get used to it.

Ah yea its though when those early years are past. But I bet she's having a lovely time at school, making friends learning new things, soon she'll be coming in with all sorts of stories to tell you and seeing them learn all the new skills is brilliant. She'll soon be getting invited to parties at weekends and joining clubs that you'll get to see and meet new mums. It's different but not less good in this new exciting stage

TBF, you're lucky to get one day a week off to pick her up from school. I loved those times, but I also loved the days when I had to pick them up from childcare, feeling like a mother-hen, as I drove home.

Every stage is a pleasure, that you will look back on with yearning. Just enjoy each one as it happens.

It’s normal to feel bit lost, but there is so much to look forward to ahead
Just another chapter x

It's ok to feel a bit sad - it just means you had a lovely time. Try to find more lovely times - there will be lots. You will have tons of school holidays coming up, lighter evenings. DC will get older and bed time will get later so you will have more evenings together. And you have a day off every week to either do something nice for yourself (relaxing, a project, a hobby whatever) and/or race round and get jobs done so you have more time clear at the weekend with your child.

Beautifully put, I know just how you feel. Henrik Ibsen (the Norwegian playwright, watch the current season of plays on BBC TV) once said that “we only own that forever which we have lost”. It puzzled me forever until I thought “memories”, that’s what he meant. You are so lucky to have those memories. Forever

Oh my goodness.
i totally understand, i resented school so much for the first couple of years at least. My twins were my first, my last and my only, it went too fast.
It's a grieving process, don’t try and fight it, it will be ok. You are a brilliant mummy.
Keep remembering the memories

I was really relieved when mine went to school… this thread is making me think I’m an outlier. I love my DD more than anything but she’s a handful at the best of times. She also loves school.

OP it’s just a different season, I’m sure there will be new things to look forward to.

I do understand, but try to enjoy this time as much as you can too. She's got most of her childhood ahead of you. There are lovely things you can do on your day off and in the holidays as she gets older and more adventurous - visiting cities and going to museums and shows, trips to the beach, trying new food, doing art together, cooking etc. Snuggling up in front of the fire for pizza and a movie.

I was really sad when my eldest started school, he was my little best mate and we did everything together. What time do you start work? We used to go for a very early breakfast near school every now and then that first year to keep that brunch tradition going.

I know what you mean, it just feels pointless going back to work after you’ve had that experience and time.

I felt that way for a long time to be honest. Years. So I ended up getting a term time only job so that I could at least replicate it all during the holidays.

I don’t feel that way anymore though, they’re all in secondary. I guess life moves on. It’s nice you cherished it, a lot of women regret that they didn’t feel entirely present during the early years for whatever reason. Sounds like you were fully present.

Sometimes I feel like you and then it gets to spring/ summer and I realised I had seasonal depression and just needed vitamin D.

Your old stage was lovely, and you’ve mentioned beautiful moments in which you were truly present with your daughter and friends. Maybe think about things you enjoy that you can introduce into this new season of life that will make it different to but just as exciting as the last.

Perhaps create a new fun tradition after school for you and DD. When my kids were lower primary our tradition was going to the park every day after school any day it wasn’t raining. My park mum friends then became the faces I saw more than my mat leave / nursery mum friends. Now they’re are a bit older that’s been replaced by endless after school clubs but in the summer we still head out for those late evening walks / football in the park. We still have surprise pancake dinners/ just dance battles/ art sessions after school.

Would it be realistic to be a SAHM permanently? If not YANBU to miss it but you just have to work for a living. Most people do. I have a friend gone back FT after mat leave, it's reality unfortunately.

Personally I found trailing around doing little boring. Having dc about is still work. If I could do fuck all I would do but I like having security and nice things, especially holidays. So I work.

Life's not over - it's just beginning.
It doesn't seem like it, OP but it is. You're watching the flower grow now and it's amazing. Wonderful times ahead of you both.

You have a lot to look forward to OP. Nativity plays, sports days, playing fun games with your child and going on holidays. Not having your days dictated by naps and nappies.
And getting your identity back and having more adult stimulation.
Life's not over - it's just beginning.