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AIBU?

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Original poster

I hate this

65 replies

Blueyrocks · 23/01/2026 19:05

Can't talk to anyone irl. My mum is visiting. I'm being criticised incessantly, in such small ways none of it would sound like anything at all if I wrote it down. I've self harmed within an hour of her arriving (I'm fine). I feel spaced out and completely exhausted. I hate it. And I can't see any end or escape, until she dies. Obviously being criticised is only the start, but no point going over it all now. I just needed to get that out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueyrocks · 23/01/2026 19:13

NovaF · 23/01/2026 19:11

Look at grey rock. Don’t give her any reaction. What would happen if you told her she was being rude and if she continues to be insulting then you will no longer engage with her and she can leave? I feel so drained when my mum visits, I only allow it once a year for a day visit, other wise will drop my dd at her house then go out and pick her up in the evening. You are an adult, engagement is on your terms. Do you have a partner that can tell her she is speaking out of turn when she does or someone that can stick up for you?

All of this makes so much sense but it's just not an option..DH isn't here, and if he was, he knows not to say anything as it's v high risk for me.

OP posts:
sprigatito · 23/01/2026 19:13

Blueyrocks · 23/01/2026 19:11

Oh, I wish 😂

Show quote history

Seriously, try it. It gets easier with practice 😆

You have a limited amount of time on this planet. Nobody has the right to eat your energy and make you miserable, whether they gave birth to you or not.

pimplebum · 23/01/2026 19:12

can you give the reasons why you can’t go no or low contact ? What is preventing you from saying “ please don’t put me down” or that’s offensive”

do you have any support or witnesses who can at least validate what you’re hearing ?

please don’t hurt yourself I’m not any sort of expert so don’t know the right words but your body is precious and deserves kindness

we you abused in other ways ? Do you want to talk about that?

Original poster
Blueyrocks · 23/01/2026 19:12

SunMoonandChocolate · 23/01/2026 19:11

Why on earth did you agree to her coming OP?

I didn't..she just showed up.

OP posts:
dizzydizzydizzy · 23/01/2026 19:12

Have you seen your GP about this? I also self -harmed due to domestic abuse. My GP was very kind and helpful.

Original poster
Blueyrocks · 23/01/2026 19:11

sprigatito · 23/01/2026 19:08

Can you not tell her to shut the fuck up or get out?

Oh, I wish 😂

OP posts:
NovaF · 23/01/2026 19:11

Look at grey rock. Don’t give her any reaction. What would happen if you told her she was being rude and if she continues to be insulting then you will no longer engage with her and she can leave? I feel so drained when my mum visits, I only allow it once a year for a day visit, other wise will drop my dd at her house then go out and pick her up in the evening. You are an adult, engagement is on your terms. Do you have a partner that can tell her she is speaking out of turn when she does or someone that can stick up for you?

SunMoonandChocolate · 23/01/2026 19:11

Why on earth did you agree to her coming OP?

Original poster
Blueyrocks · 23/01/2026 19:10

2026NewTricks · 23/01/2026 19:08

Why do you still have a relationship with her?

Because I'm scared of her and of the fallout with the rest of my family if I go "no contact". It's complicated, but I'm from a community that's kind of closed. I'm already a bit "out" because of who I married. If I cut off my mum, I lose the whole community. It's not a cult btw!!!

OP posts:
GreenPoms · 23/01/2026 19:10

You are not obligated to have a relationship with your mother just because she gave birth to you. She sounds toxic and it might be that you need to cut contact with her.

PloddingDaily · 23/01/2026 19:10

That sounds really tough. Is she staying for long?
I am not good at wise words for these situations, but I hope you are ok - please remember people’s criticisms of us don’t define who we really are; you have worth, you are a precious human, whether she sees or vocalises that or not.

Egglio · 23/01/2026 19:09

I hear you and understand. Mine does this too and I have also self harmed in the past as a result. It's so insidious. Also in criticising others which is very stressful too.

I'll send hugs too.

sprigatito · 23/01/2026 19:08

Can you not tell her to shut the fuck up or get out?

2026NewTricks · 23/01/2026 19:08

Why do you still have a relationship with her?

Holdinguphalfthesky · 23/01/2026 19:07

Sending hugs. Is she going soon?

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