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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad I dont have husband

106 replies

cetaphilgirl · 23/01/2026 17:16

I'm just turning 38 and the feelings of sadness that consume me about not being married and not having children (tho the not married part is actually worse) have become unbearable.

I find it hard to believe that not all women my age feel this way, and I'm convinced it's a natural feeling to want this. It's human nature to want a family and to belong.

I do have healthy long standing friendships and close family relationships, but that doesn't give me any security of emotional fulfilment. I also have a fulfilling job that feels rewarding.

I have two AIBU:

  1. Am I being unreasonable to think that I need to have a husband/partner to truly feel fulfilled in life?
  2. Can I stop being so sad about this? It never goes away.
OP posts:
RuffledKestrel · 23/01/2026 17:25

Similar age here. I think it's totally natural to want to feel like you belong, but unreasonable to think that you need a partner to fulfil that for yourself.

Perhaps explore what you are feeling and finding ways to fulfil it without relying on an external person. It can be a difficult mind shift, but it may help you reframe things.

For me I absolutely love spending time with my nieces and nephews, but I also love the peace and quiet when I'm not with them as well. Being with them doesn't inspire me to have my own children, even though I love them and would do absolutely anything for them.

I enjoy the emotional connection I have with friends and family members, but I also enjoy the freedom of deciding things totally on my own..if I want a totally lazy pajama day one Sunday, then I can do that, or if I want to go out at 2am and stargaze, I can do that too without having to explain my desire to anyone.

WhereIsMyLight · 23/01/2026 17:23

Single women live longer than married women. Whilst married men live longer than single men. Single women recover quicker after heart attacks than married women. Women are more likely to stay with a partner during a cancer diagnosis, men are more likely to leave.

You’re not unreasonable to think you won’t be fulfilled until you have a husband and children because society wants you to think that, see above. We need someone to keep all these important men alive. I’m married by the way and with a partner that does his share but the stats don’t work well for married women.

WhereIsMyLight · 23/01/2026 17:23

Duplicate post.

Baguetteandcheese · 23/01/2026 17:23

You are unreasonable to think that you need a husband to feel fulfilled in life. It’s no one else’s responsibility to make you feel fulfilled. Also if you pin all your happiness on being married and having children you’re going to at some point crash when you realise it doesn’t live up to your expectations.

I think it’s society that tells women it’s what we want.

Lopteluga · 23/01/2026 17:21

Are you dating and have you had short or long-term relationships in the past?

Snorlaxo · 23/01/2026 17:20

Are you dating?

I’m not sure that a partner is the answer to your unhappiness but you aren’t unreasonable to want one.

If you’re not dating, do you do anything to meet men and ask them out? Ime you have to put the effort in to increase your odds in the same way that you look for new jobs.