Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Dads using female communal changing room

712 replies

Strawberrryfields · 23/01/2026 15:50

Not sure how I feel about this so looking for opinions and whether I should do anything.

A couple of times recently I’ve been changing my child after swimming and a dad has come in to change his child in the communal female changing room. It’s after lessons so only children changing. There are communal female, communal male and a number of individual cubicles. It gets very busy at peak times so at times you may need to wait for an individual cubicle.

It feels weird to me a grown man being in there and my instinct is that he should use the private cubicles, though he is clearly there with his child helping them get ready. I also understand him not wanting to take his child into the men’s communal changing rooms with random men in there but to me, he is a random man.

Should I say something? Would you? Chances are it’s just a normal dad changing his kid but I don’t feel entirely comfortable with it but not sure if IABU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 18:31

RedToothBrush · 25/01/2026 18:26

Hmmm. 🤔

Red blood cells

Taztoy · 25/01/2026 18:31

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 18:18

"I will say this categorically, that you cannot change your sex. Your sex actually is there in every single cell in the body"

What does this have to do with anything? No-one talks about changing sex. You claimed that everyone who is not female must be male - and I disagree, there are instances where this is not correct.

So the question is: how do you define sex? What criteria does someone have to fulfil to be considered male? Is genetic sex sufficient? And if so - which criteria?

Sex is considerably more complicated - the HoL evidence explains this very well.

Incidentally - your claim about every single cell is also wrong.

Edited

It’s not my claim. Its prof winstons claim.

you just said he was wrong.

oops.

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 18:29

spannasaurus · 25/01/2026 18:22

In that case I will continue to take Prof Winstons words over yours.

Did you read his HoL evidence?

And obviously I would do the same - he is a renowned expert after all.

RedToothBrush · 25/01/2026 18:26

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 18:18

"I will say this categorically, that you cannot change your sex. Your sex actually is there in every single cell in the body"

What does this have to do with anything? No-one talks about changing sex. You claimed that everyone who is not female must be male - and I disagree, there are instances where this is not correct.

So the question is: how do you define sex? What criteria does someone have to fulfil to be considered male? Is genetic sex sufficient? And if so - which criteria?

Sex is considerably more complicated - the HoL evidence explains this very well.

Incidentally - your claim about every single cell is also wrong.

Edited

Hmmm. 🤔

Dads using female communal changing room
spannasaurus · 25/01/2026 18:22

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 18:13

Definitely not - but I do know the difference between public engagement of science and actual scientific work. Lord Winston has made it very clear that this subject is rather complicated - see e.g. his evidence in HoL:

https://publications.parliament.uk/pa/ld200304/ldhansrd/vo040203/text/40203-18.htm#:~:text=Most%20practising%20doctors%20in%20the,only%20genes%20that%20define%20sex.

In that case I will continue to take Prof Winstons words over yours.

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 18:18

Taztoy · 25/01/2026 18:15

So sad that Prof Winston never said this

I will say this categorically, that you cannot change your sex. Your sex actually is there in every single cell in the body

sad times.

"I will say this categorically, that you cannot change your sex. Your sex actually is there in every single cell in the body"

What does this have to do with anything? No-one talks about changing sex. You claimed that everyone who is not female must be male - and I disagree, there are instances where this is not correct.

So the question is: how do you define sex? What criteria does someone have to fulfil to be considered male? Is genetic sex sufficient? And if so - which criteria?

Sex is considerably more complicated - the HoL evidence explains this very well.

Incidentally - your claim about every single cell is also wrong.

SerafinasGoose · 25/01/2026 18:18

Taztoy · 24/01/2026 18:48

Thanks @RedToothBrush

it seems some men have a problem with women saying no. And thy will continue to try to find a justification for them entering a single sex space in contravention of the law.

I expect that the pool will tell the man not to enter the womens changing space

if he continues after being told one way or another then he is a creepy pervert who gets his rocks off from pushing women’s boundaries and he deserves to be reported to the police.

There's always one on threads like this. It's been a pattern on this site for years. The dogged persistence tells you as much as you need to know.

They simply cannot resist it and will not leave women the hell alone. Especially if it means they get to spend days at a time admonishing them.

Personally I have better uses for my precious time, but each to their own as they say.

Taztoy · 25/01/2026 18:15

So sad that Prof Winston never said this

I will say this categorically, that you cannot change your sex. Your sex actually is there in every single cell in the body

sad times.

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 18:13

spannasaurus · 25/01/2026 18:08

Do you know more than Prof Robert Winston about human sex and reproduction?

Definitely not - but I do know the difference between public engagement of science and actual scientific work. Lord Winston has made it very clear that this subject is rather complicated - see e.g. his evidence in HoL:

https://publications.parliament.uk/pa/ld200304/ldhansrd/vo040203/text/40203-18.htm#:~:text=Most%20practising%20doctors%20in%20the,only%20genes%20that%20define%20sex.

YowieeF · 25/01/2026 18:10

People are so quick to judge - I had 4 kids , all 4 swam, I mostly took them to lessons.
kids are changed in the changing room of their sex - my son was always changed in the men’s my 3 girls always changed in the ladies, regardless of which parent was changing them. Our first swimming club was predominately mums changing - so there were always mums changing boys in the men’s room.

Taztoy · 25/01/2026 18:09

X post @spannasaurus 🤣🤣🤣

Taztoy · 25/01/2026 18:09

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 18:05

I have an education in clinical chemistry - although I no longer work in this profession. But I did teach developmental biology some time ago.

At what level? Equivalent to Sir Robert Winston?

spannasaurus · 25/01/2026 18:08

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 18:05

I have an education in clinical chemistry - although I no longer work in this profession. But I did teach developmental biology some time ago.

Do you know more than Prof Robert Winston about human sex and reproduction?

eastegg · 25/01/2026 18:06

Aaaand there goes the thread….

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 18:05

spannasaurus · 25/01/2026 18:02

Are you a medical professional?

I have an education in clinical chemistry - although I no longer work in this profession. But I did teach developmental biology some time ago.

spannasaurus · 25/01/2026 18:02

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 18:00

It's a little bit more complicated - and in the end, it depends on the definition: what criteria should be used to identify someone as male or female (I mean biologically).

And yes, in the majority of cases, this is undoubtedly correct - but a single exemption invalidates any general claim, and I responded to the general claim that all individuals who are not female are male.

Perhaps the misunderstanding is due to the fact that for me, a single exception invalidates any generalisation (as it does for mathematical proofs), but for most normal people that might not be the case?

Are you a medical professional?

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 18:00

spannasaurus · 25/01/2026 17:49

SRY gene plus functional androgen receptors is a man according to Prof Robert Winston.

I'm not a doctor so wouldn't be dealing with anyone's incomplete development nor would I be determing their sex. That's a job for their doctors.

Wasn't this covered in the article you linked to?

It's a little bit more complicated - and in the end, it depends on the definition: what criteria should be used to identify someone as male or female (I mean biologically).

And yes, in the majority of cases, this is undoubtedly correct - but a single exemption invalidates any general claim, and I responded to the general claim that all individuals who are not female are male.

Perhaps the misunderstanding is due to the fact that for me, a single exception invalidates any generalisation (as it does for mathematical proofs), but for most normal people that might not be the case?

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 17:55

SerafinasGoose · 25/01/2026 17:49

I was not addressing you; nor do I have any intention of justifying myself to you. Who are you? Pixels on the internet, just as I am to you.

I'm sorry - this was clearly not intended to quote you. Please accept my apology.

SerafinasGoose · 25/01/2026 17:49

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 13:04

Didn't I just make clear that trauma (I referred to victims of abuse) makes this more complicated. I would tentatively with Taztoy's approach - if it was simply someone being ignorant, a warning will suffice (and if not, it's obviously no longer ignorance).

What I objected to were the - welcomed by many - suggestions to chase him out as "paedo".

And I will happily share my credentials if you share yours.

I was not addressing you; nor do I have any intention of justifying myself to you. Who are you? Pixels on the internet, just as I am to you.

spannasaurus · 25/01/2026 17:49

SRY gene plus functional androgen receptors is a man according to Prof Robert Winston.

I'm not a doctor so wouldn't be dealing with anyone's incomplete development nor would I be determing their sex. That's a job for their doctors.

Wasn't this covered in the article you linked to?

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 17:45

So you would consider the presence of SRY to be sufficient to classify someone as male?

I see your point - but how would you then deal with incomplete development? Wouldn't here be an - admittedly very small - group who would simply fall outside any classification?

spannasaurus · 25/01/2026 17:38

Rather than looking for the presence of a Y chromosome the more sensible approach would be to identify the presence of the SRY gene or not. Some further tests may be required to determine
if that person has functional androgen receptors

Taztoy · 25/01/2026 17:37

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 17:36

The anatomy of intersex individuals is not necessarily clearly male or female. One could of course simply argue that the presence of a Y chromosome makes someone male - but that's obviously not a sensible approach.

On what basis would you decide whether someone is assigned "male" or "female" sex?

I’m sorry. I don’t understand what you just said.

well I did. I think. But it doesn’t make sense.

Chromosomes don’t make you male or female? Since when? And why is that not sensible?

Alex122022 · 25/01/2026 17:36

The anatomy of intersex individuals is not necessarily clearly male or female. One could of course simply argue that the presence of a Y chromosome makes someone male - but that's obviously not a sensible approach.

On what basis would you decide whether someone is assigned "male" or "female" sex?

RedToothBrush · 25/01/2026 17:34

spannasaurus · 25/01/2026 17:25

If someone is neither male nor female I wonder how you decide how their development of chromosomal, gonadal, or anatomical sex is atypical. Is it atypical of a male or a female?

Steady now spannasaurus. You might show intellect and knowledge above your station...