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Dads using female communal changing room

712 replies

Strawberrryfields · 23/01/2026 15:50

Not sure how I feel about this so looking for opinions and whether I should do anything.

A couple of times recently I’ve been changing my child after swimming and a dad has come in to change his child in the communal female changing room. It’s after lessons so only children changing. There are communal female, communal male and a number of individual cubicles. It gets very busy at peak times so at times you may need to wait for an individual cubicle.

It feels weird to me a grown man being in there and my instinct is that he should use the private cubicles, though he is clearly there with his child helping them get ready. I also understand him not wanting to take his child into the men’s communal changing rooms with random men in there but to me, he is a random man.

Should I say something? Would you? Chances are it’s just a normal dad changing his kid but I don’t feel entirely comfortable with it but not sure if IABU?

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oldtiredcyclist · 28/01/2026 09:44

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 15:57

Why do you deviate? @Taztoy claimed all people who are not female are male - thereby claiming that no other possibility exists. I disagree - even if a single person exists who does not meet the criteria, the statement is wrong.

There are a number of disorders that would make it difficult to unequivocally assign a sex - so the question really is: why do you force them into a binary category?

Taztoy is correct, saying that all people who are not female are male. If you are saying that is wrong, then please answer my earlier question, where I asked you what the third sex is.
All of this is a smokescreen though, because you want to get away from the real question, why do you as a male think that you have any right to accompany your daughter into a female changing room.

Alex122022 · 28/01/2026 09:26

HighStreetOtter · 28/01/2026 09:11

Nobody has a sex "assigned". It's possible someone may need a chromosome test to determine sex.

Let's use the word "determined". But a chromosome test is not sufficient - unless of course you consider the presence of a single Y-chromosome sufficient to identify someone as "male". One could have a male karyotype and still a female phenotype.

HighStreetOtter · 28/01/2026 09:11

Alex122022 · 28/01/2026 07:41

This leaves the question: How do you assign a sex to some one with sexual development differences/disorders, @Alpacajigsaw ?

Nobody has a sex "assigned". It's possible someone may need a chromosome test to determine sex.

Alex122022 · 28/01/2026 07:41

Alpacajigsaw · 27/01/2026 23:29

Me, you and everyone else on this planet came into existence due to the fertilisation of a female sex cell by a male sex cell. Ergo two sexes. That there may be sexual development differences/disorders does not change the fact there are only two sexes and even people with those differences/disorders are still either male or female

This leaves the question: How do you assign a sex to some one with sexual development differences/disorders, @Alpacajigsaw ?

Alpacajigsaw · 27/01/2026 23:29

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 19:33

So how do you class someone with ovaries and testes?

Albeit rare, it does exist: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022346825000326

Me, you and everyone else on this planet came into existence due to the fertilisation of a female sex cell by a male sex cell. Ergo two sexes. That there may be sexual development differences/disorders does not change the fact there are only two sexes and even people with those differences/disorders are still either male or female

Taztoy · 27/01/2026 22:13

Don’t tag me anymore please @Alex122022 I have no interest in discussing anything with you any further. Therefore I am asking that you do not tag me any more.

I will not be tagging you after this post.

Namelessnelly · 27/01/2026 21:56

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 21:38

Even something that is very rare does exist, doesn't it? And if your framework can't deal with - it's a problem of the framework, not of the people who are not covered by it.

You know you did. When @Taztoy said every human who was not female was male you told her she was wrong. Rudely

I have just tried to adjust to the tone they were using. If someone believes that they need to be direct I will respond in a similar way. And obviously they are wrong - as you have just confirmed.

Therefore they must be a different sex. As humans only have two sexes, male and female, you are therefore saying people with a VSD are not human.

That is a very creative interpretation of many things - because I have never claimed that there are only two sexes. This is a claim made by @Taztoy. I'm therefore rather surprised and confused how you come up with such an accusation,

I find it abhorrent of you, and amazingly ignorant. You tried to co-opt people with VSD into your argument without even knowing what VSD are.

Quite on the contrary - this was the very reason I did deliberately not agree with the claim that everyone who is not female must be male. As I have stated before, I lectured on human development enough to understand that there are areas where this is actually quite complicated.

Very rare. And also further affirming the sex binary.

In what way does the existence of individuals with testes and ovaries confirm a binary classification system?

Incidentally: why can't any of the very vocal posters here provide a very simple definition of male and female? It really can't be that difficult if it is - as you claim - so easy.

So you believethere are more than two sexes. Name them.

ThePieceHall · 27/01/2026 21:40

Oh, bloody hell, this is boring now. Knock your heads together, please. You are trying to out-wank each other in your wankiness. We all know that there are two sexes. That men do not belong in women’s spaces. That it is okay for women, who are conditioned to be people pleasers, to object when men invade their spaces. That not all men who invade women’s spaces are paedophiles or prospective sex offenders but rather operating from a place of male privilege where they get to occupy the majority of the world and we are expected to acquiesce. We all know that pre-pubescent and pubescent girls and then full women are entitled to privacy and their own spaces. Can some here stop disappearing down bizarre rabbit holes? The majority of us here know and understand the truths and we work within them. Also, if you can’t be arsed with any of this BS, buy your kid a Dry Robe (you can get a cheap and efficient one in Primark) and have done with the whole changing room existential crisis. Plus, you get home from the torment that is the public pool earlier.

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 21:38

Namelessnelly · 27/01/2026 20:49

Very rare. And also further affirming the sex binary. Do try harder dearie.

Even something that is very rare does exist, doesn't it? And if your framework can't deal with - it's a problem of the framework, not of the people who are not covered by it.

You know you did. When @Taztoy said every human who was not female was male you told her she was wrong. Rudely

I have just tried to adjust to the tone they were using. If someone believes that they need to be direct I will respond in a similar way. And obviously they are wrong - as you have just confirmed.

Therefore they must be a different sex. As humans only have two sexes, male and female, you are therefore saying people with a VSD are not human.

That is a very creative interpretation of many things - because I have never claimed that there are only two sexes. This is a claim made by @Taztoy. I'm therefore rather surprised and confused how you come up with such an accusation,

I find it abhorrent of you, and amazingly ignorant. You tried to co-opt people with VSD into your argument without even knowing what VSD are.

Quite on the contrary - this was the very reason I did deliberately not agree with the claim that everyone who is not female must be male. As I have stated before, I lectured on human development enough to understand that there are areas where this is actually quite complicated.

Very rare. And also further affirming the sex binary.

In what way does the existence of individuals with testes and ovaries confirm a binary classification system?

Incidentally: why can't any of the very vocal posters here provide a very simple definition of male and female? It really can't be that difficult if it is - as you claim - so easy.

Namelessnelly · 27/01/2026 20:49

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 19:33

So how do you class someone with ovaries and testes?

Albeit rare, it does exist: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022346825000326

Very rare. And also further affirming the sex binary. Do try harder dearie.

Namelessnelly · 27/01/2026 20:48

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 19:31

Of course you did - problem is: I never said so. So why would you accuse me of something I didn't do?

But you did. You know you did. When @Taztoy said every human who was not female was male you told her she was wrong. Rudely. You then said “intersex” people were not male or female. Therefore they must be a different sex. As humans only have two sexes, male and female, you are therefore saying people with a VSD are not human. Which is disgustingly crass of you. I find it abhorrent of you, and amazingly ignorant. You tried to co-opt people with VSD into your argument without even knowing what VSD are.

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 19:33

Namelessnelly · 27/01/2026 19:16

So what sex are these humans that are neither male nor female @Alex122022 ? “Intersex” is not a sex so what is the name of this third sex, what gametes does it produce and what is its role in reproduction?

So how do you class someone with ovaries and testes?

Albeit rare, it does exist: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022346825000326

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 19:31

Namelessnelly · 27/01/2026 19:14

Noooo I said you. @Alex122022 implied they were inhuman by stating they were neither male or female. Nice try though.

Of course you did - problem is: I never said so. So why would you accuse me of something I didn't do?

Namelessnelly · 27/01/2026 19:16

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 17:50

Because someone complained to MNHQ - quite simple.

But still - @Namelessnelly attacked me for taking you seriously, because you claim that no humans exist that are neither male nor female, didn't you?

So what sex are these humans that are neither male nor female @Alex122022 ? “Intersex” is not a sex so what is the name of this third sex, what gametes does it produce and what is its role in reproduction?

Namelessnelly · 27/01/2026 19:14

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 17:09

It was actually @Namelessnelly whose post one could interpret in such a way that you called them inhuman. So please do discuss it with them and not with me.

Noooo I said you. @Alex122022 implied they were inhuman by stating they were neither male or female. Nice try though.

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 19:06

bringmelaughter · 27/01/2026 18:20

It’s a bit odd trying to argue against and undermine protections that support the safety and dignity of my ten year old while she changes. Why would you even do that?

Where do I argue against them? I just say that your claims that it is illegal is not correct.

By claiming that something is illegal that is clearly not, @Taztoy actually puts people at risk who mistakenly believe in rights that do not exist.

It depends largely on the operator of the pool, on T&Cs and other factors.

As I have already explained ad nauseam: the fact that something is legal or illegal does not necessarily mean I agree with it. These are two very separate things.

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bringmelaughter · 27/01/2026 18:20

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 16:51

Yes - I don't see how this is relevant. It still doesn't make it illegal.

You have been asked multiple times what act makes it illegal - and there is none.

It’s a bit odd trying to argue against and undermine protections that support the safety and dignity of my ten year old while she changes. Why would you even do that?

Taztoy · 27/01/2026 18:00

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 17:50

Because someone complained to MNHQ - quite simple.

But still - @Namelessnelly attacked me for taking you seriously, because you claim that no humans exist that are neither male nor female, didn't you?

You attacked me. And accused me of saying that intersex people were inhuman. That was the word you used.

I never said any such thing.

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 17:50

Because someone complained to MNHQ - quite simple.

But still - @Namelessnelly attacked me for taking you seriously, because you claim that no humans exist that are neither male nor female, didn't you?

Taztoy · 27/01/2026 17:10

Your post where you claimed that I said intersex people were inhuman - which was the exact word you used - has been deleted.

why do you think that is?

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 17:09

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 17:07

I never claimed you did and I object to you accusing me of something I have never said.

It was actually @Namelessnelly whose post one could interpret in such a way that you called them inhuman. So please do discuss it with them and not with me.

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 17:07

Taztoy · 27/01/2026 17:07

I did not ever use the word inhuman. Nor did I ever ascribe any of the characteristics in the definition (my screenshot is awaiting review) to any individual who is intersex.

it is a barefaced lie to say that I did.

text of definition here:

inhuman?

adjective. lacking qualities of sympathy, pity, warmth, compassion, or the like; cruel; brutal. an inhuman master. Synonyms: brutish, savage, hard, callous, cold, unsympathetic, unfeeling. not suited for human beings.

I never claimed you did and I object to you accusing me of something I have never said.

Taztoy · 27/01/2026 17:07

I did not ever use the word inhuman. Nor did I ever ascribe any of the characteristics in the definition (my screenshot is awaiting review) to any individual who is intersex.

it is a barefaced lie to say that I did.

text of definition here:

inhuman?

adjective. lacking qualities of sympathy, pity, warmth, compassion, or the like; cruel; brutal. an inhuman master. Synonyms: brutish, savage, hard, callous, cold, unsympathetic, unfeeling. not suited for human beings.

Alex122022 · 27/01/2026 17:07

Taztoy · 27/01/2026 17:05

Screenshot of definition of inhuman.

You mean you are unable to provide a clear definition of male and female? Why don't you just say so?

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