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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dads using female communal changing room

712 replies

Strawberrryfields · 23/01/2026 15:50

Not sure how I feel about this so looking for opinions and whether I should do anything.

A couple of times recently I’ve been changing my child after swimming and a dad has come in to change his child in the communal female changing room. It’s after lessons so only children changing. There are communal female, communal male and a number of individual cubicles. It gets very busy at peak times so at times you may need to wait for an individual cubicle.

It feels weird to me a grown man being in there and my instinct is that he should use the private cubicles, though he is clearly there with his child helping them get ready. I also understand him not wanting to take his child into the men’s communal changing rooms with random men in there but to me, he is a random man.

Should I say something? Would you? Chances are it’s just a normal dad changing his kid but I don’t feel entirely comfortable with it but not sure if IABU?

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Bromptotoo · 23/01/2026 17:58

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:57

What do you mean?

im a rape victim. I can’t be around a man in a communal changing room. It causes me immense trauma.

I use the single sex space but I use the communal area in the single sex space rather than the individual cubicles because I can’t be on the inside of a locked door with anyone I don’t know on the other side.

im legally entitled to a single sex space to get changed.

what has gender critical feminism got to do with it?

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We're talking about children who are so young they need help of a parent in the changing room.

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:58

So I have to allow a man into a single sex space because he has a daughter with him? Is that your argument @Bromptotoo?

Bromptotoo · 23/01/2026 17:57

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 23/01/2026 17:56

What has that got to do with anything?

Men cannot go in women’s changing rooms ever, even if they have 5000 young daughters with them.

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QED

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:57

Bromptotoo · 23/01/2026 17:54

Let's go with the simple bit.

I cannot get my head around Gender Critical Feminist thinking (at this level).

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What do you mean?

im a rape victim. I can’t be around a man in a communal changing room. It causes me immense trauma.

I use the single sex space but I use the communal area in the single sex space rather than the individual cubicles because I can’t be on the inside of a locked door with anyone I don’t know on the other side.

im legally entitled to a single sex space to get changed.

what has gender critical feminism got to do with it?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 23/01/2026 17:56

Bromptotoo · 23/01/2026 17:54

Let's go with the simple bit.

I cannot get my head around Gender Critical Feminist thinking (at this level).

Show quote history

What has that got to do with anything?

Men cannot go in women’s changing rooms ever, even if they have 5000 young daughters with them.

Bromptotoo · 23/01/2026 17:54

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:52

Pardon? I genuinely don’t know what you’ve said here.

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Let's go with the simple bit.

I cannot get my head around Gender Critical Feminist thinking (at this level).

TheNightingalesStarling · 23/01/2026 17:53

There is a "breed" of father who "sacrifice" themselves to use female facilities for their "daughters well being" and lots of female cheerleaders for it.

They don't seem to understand that their daughters will one day be the ones with men in their facilities

RedToothBrush · 23/01/2026 17:52

ODFOx · 23/01/2026 17:49

If it’s only children changing at that time, then under 9s who need help changing should be in the changing room of the gender of the parent. Children over 9 should be able to change independently in the correct changing room for themselves.
Older children or teens who need help changing for any reason should be accommodated in cubicles or disabled changing .

TLDR: that man shouldn’t have been in the Ladies’ changing room.

Sex. Sex of the parent. Not gender.

The law says sex not gender.

This is relevant and important.

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:52

Bromptotoo · 23/01/2026 17:48

I can't get my head around GCF thinking and it's too weird to be worth the effort.

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Pardon? I genuinely don’t know what you’ve said here.

ODFOx · 23/01/2026 17:49

If it’s only children changing at that time, then under 9s who need help changing should be in the changing room of the gender of the parent. Children over 9 should be able to change independently in the correct changing room for themselves.
Older children or teens who need help changing for any reason should be accommodated in cubicles or disabled changing .

TLDR: that man shouldn’t have been in the Ladies’ changing room.

Bromptotoo · 23/01/2026 17:48

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:37

If they are u8 and with their father then yes

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I can't get my head around GCF thinking and it's too weird to be worth the effort.

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:47

RedToothBrush · 23/01/2026 17:46

How do you do this in a swimming pool built in the 1950 or 1960 with no additional space to put them?!

There's a shortage of swimming pools as it is .

It's pathetic. Just bloody get on with it. No men in the girls, no women in the boys.

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This.

exse24Londoner · 23/01/2026 17:47

definitely shouldn't be in there - report & let the club sort it out

RedToothBrush · 23/01/2026 17:46

LadyLapsang · 23/01/2026 17:41

Can you access the family change cubicles without going into the men or women’s changing areas, e.g. some pools have two doors so you can access a cubicle from both sides. The real answer is to have more family change cubicles recognising more dads take young children swimming these days.

How do you do this in a swimming pool built in the 1950 or 1960 with no additional space to put them?!

There's a shortage of swimming pools as it is .

It's pathetic. Just bloody get on with it. No men in the girls, no women in the boys.

LittleBitofBread · 23/01/2026 17:44

Surely the common-sense rule is you take your child into the changing rooms matching the sex of the adult?

Absolutely raise it.

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:44

johnd2 · 23/01/2026 17:39

Ah fair enough I thought you were taking issue with what I'd posted, as opposed to agreeing

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Well I was in as much as you’re saying the centre should have a rule and a load of waffle about people didn’t know. And they don’t think.

ignorance of the law is no defence.

MindYourUsage · 23/01/2026 17:43

mumuseli · 23/01/2026 16:35

In reply to those making the point that it’s only children getting changed: In my experience, swim lessons are based on ability, not age, so there are sometimes older children in a beginners group. Imagine being a girl who has started puberty and is trying to get changed in the ladies room and there’s a bloke in there. Not at all appropriate!

Or an older girl/woman wanting to get changed to start their session after the kids one has ended..

It is not on. Men should not be in female changing rooms where females are routinely naked.

Why the f*ck does this need to be spelled out... 🤦🏼‍♀️

Thank goodness I hate swimming. I wouldn't put up with it and he would get a piece of my mind.

LadyLapsang · 23/01/2026 17:41

Can you access the family change cubicles without going into the men or women’s changing areas, e.g. some pools have two doors so you can access a cubicle from both sides. The real answer is to have more family change cubicles recognising more dads take young children swimming these days.

spannasaurus · 23/01/2026 17:41

SleepingStandingUp · 23/01/2026 17:19

So what happens when there's another Dad in the male changing room? I agree he should use the male ones BTW but I'm saying if men aren't allowed to be around any undressing child except their own, then the place needs to ban Dad's or provide ample solo cubicles.

And at general swim times, no children under 16 should be allowed in the men's changing regardless of sex.

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Where would you have 15 year old boys changing during general sessions, in the women's changing rooms?

johnd2 · 23/01/2026 17:39

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:36

The centre and the adults of either sex.

the law in question is the equality act 2010 as clarified in the For Women Scotland case by the Supreme Court.

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Ah fair enough I thought you were taking issue with what I'd posted, as opposed to agreeing

RedToothBrush · 23/01/2026 17:39

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:36

The centre and the adults of either sex.

the law in question is the equality act 2010 as clarified in the For Women Scotland case by the Supreme Court.

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This.

It's been clarified by the supreme court recently.

It's not difficult.

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:37

Bromptotoo · 23/01/2026 17:35

Of course it does, or should girls be changed in the mens?

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If they are u8 and with their father then yes

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:36

johnd2 · 23/01/2026 17:35

Who does? Which law? Where did I say they shouldn't?

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The centre and the adults of either sex.

the law in question is the equality act 2010 as clarified in the For Women Scotland case by the Supreme Court.

BillieWiper · 23/01/2026 17:35

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:31

A man cannot use a private booth in the women’s to change a female child. That’s against the law. And he should take that child into the men’s. And change her there (whether in a private booth or not is irrelevant because she’s with a parent and therefore the safeguarding risk is minimal)

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Ah ok. Thank you. I didn't know that. So I guess he needs to use the mens by law.

A lot of posters are saying it's unsavoury for a young girl to potentially see nude men though. So I do feel like it must be hard to know what to do sometimes.

Bromptotoo · 23/01/2026 17:35

Taztoy · 23/01/2026 17:33

Doesn’t matter.

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Of course it does, or should girls be changed in the mens?