Peri-menopause how not to be dead on the inside

You didnt touch any nerves you just completely put your own spin on what I said. I merely mentioned the blood tests in respect that they in themselves often show very little or nothing and mine were also like that

The consultation gave me a lot out of it, I would recommend them (and have done) to others. I didnt want any treatment out of it, I thought I might but the information was helpful for me to determine that then, 2 years ago, wasnt the time.

Sorry if I touched a nerve, it just didn't sound like you'd got much out of it leaving with neither any meaningful information nor any treatment.

I started perimenopquse very early. Probably in my thirties. I love the feeling of giving no shits at all. I still feel caring towards people but when people are exaggerating I find myself switching off. I like to think I'm still pleasant and kind person but I don't fear calling people out for being a shit ir treating other people poorly. I can cut people out that are being shitty without more than a passing glance. Quite liberating.

You've put into words how I've been feeling, Im so convinced I'm peri!!! Dead inside, not depressed or happy just meh, oh and everyone can fuck right off and let me fuck off to some woods and be a frizzy haired lady living in my wood house by myself dealing with no one else's shite or expectations. Everyone else is a complete twatting twat and I need to slam a door or scream into a pillow.

(Seriously though it's kinda nice to hear I'm probably not mental!)

I think the female body works with the minds emotions. I think its possible to do anything with the right actions and mental steps.

It wasnt a crock of shit at all, they're a well known clinic and I was personally recommended to them by a couple of people who had used them who I worked with

I didnt go to 'get diagnosed' I know I was in peri and still am, the GP had told me this some time ago in any case as if I didnt know. The consultation was for me to have time to go over what I wanted to do, longer than the scant 6 minutes I might get at the GP. I didnt have to have the bloods taken, I was interested to do so, I knew that they may or may not result in any information, dont assume people dont know what they're doing or seeking out

https://youtube.com/shorts/X0eXtVC6TLk?si=QkQPH2N556owpNLq

you just joined the club, welcome 🙏🏻

Things that have helped me reconnect with my own self and life have been have some breaks away without anyone, write a lot, redo my wardrobe so I feel like I look great, and remember the things I used to enjoy when younger and do some of those (e.g. dancing, going out to dinner).

None of it was take on more caring responsibilities, carer burnout is very real.

I don't recommend feeling like you hate everyone though for more than about 6 months otherwise you get a bit stuck like that into older age. It's not how I prefer it anyway (although people are always quite irritating but I had that when they were younger as well!)

I've only read about half the thread, but it seems that everyone isn't talking about the same thing.

Some people are talking about the nice feeling you get when you realise the world doesn't stop turning when you don't look a certain way, or have to be excessively nice or people pleasing, and how it's great to start prioritising yourself and step out of just being a carer.

All good.

The OP is saying she cares less, as in feels less, towards her own younger children and doesn't feel too much towards the older ones either.

That's a disturbing level of emotional numbness. I go the other way and get overanxious and overinvested in my older children, ruminate a lot, and catastrophise. When things are that off emotionally, it's a sign that my mental health is not all that great- either a complete flatness and disinterest in living or overanxiety or sometimes both at the same time.

HRT may be the way to go, it hasn't been for me, but I wouldn't just say this goes with the territory of peri or menopause, or at least, I've enjoyed life a lot more now I'm out of this way of thinking. I don't like feeling distanced and horrible in my own life, it's not the true me at all as I was very much me when I cared about people and not caring, or having perspective, is not enjoyable in the slightest.

I've seen this with menopausal women a few times. I think as your oestrogen level goes down you lose your mothering / nurturing instincts. For lots of women it's a great thing - they stop being everyone else's support human and putting up with people who don't treat them well - no more sticking with a lousy boyfriend or whatever. You just need to be sure you know when you're just irritable and when someone actually is a twat who you shouldn't bother with.

Sometimes I think it's nature's way of getting mothers to push their kids out of the nest, when the kids are at the age where they need it. They stop feeling the need to fuss over them and start telling them to manage things on their own.

It sounds like the place you went to was a crock of shit profiteering from the increased awareness around menopause and the NHS shortcomings in women's health care.

Perimenopause and menopause can be diagnosed clinically and in resource-poor settings this is all you have.

I personally do feel blood tests are helpful with the caveat that it takes a certain amount of clinical skill and experience to interpret them in the context of the clinical picture.

They can be a helpful adjunct when making treatment decisions but should never trump the patient's symptoms or clinical judgement nor be used to deny someone treatment as blood levels can fluctuate greatly and "normal" labs can be seen in someone highly symptomatic who is clinically balls deep in perimenopause.

I love this, thanks so much for sharing. I really need this! I have zero joy in my life right now. I’m going to pull out a notebook and start a list! ❤️

You can join me for a coffee any time!

Are you me? 🤣🤣🤣

Every post I write, I read it back and Ive missed out words, spelt stuff wrong that I know how to spell, Ive started writing things phonetically for some reason, this has been like this for about a couple of years.

Its the same at work, punctuation missing, words missing. I proof read it, dont see it and then only see it later

I never used to be like that, my SPAG was excellent

Spinning plates. Whatever the damned expression is. Fuck you, menopause brain.

I relate OP. My children are young adults so I don’t feel as bad about it as I would if they were young children. I do love them, and I like them, and I still want to protect and support them but God, they’re irritating a large proportion of the time.

Likewise husband. He’s a nice and decent man. He treats us all well. He works hard. But when he starts talking, I often think ‘I don’t care. SHUT UP’.

I have spent the last 20-odd years juggling all the plates and I’m so done with it.

I do hope it passes somewhat because although I like not being a doormat/martyr anymore, I don’t enjoy feeling so hostile all the time. I feel like it would be good for me to try and properly connect with the people I share my life with. I just simply can’t be arsed at the moment.

Ah just found the hormone test that does. I may give this a go

https://www.medichecks.com/products/female-hormone-check-advanced-blood-test

What do those letters mean?

There is medichecks OP as well, I have used them for other things before, they've usually got some offer going, but their hormone tests dont seem to include the things in this post Im quoting

Oh and get this, I wanted to see the doctor to talk about HRT but before even booking in an appointment they insisted I get bloods done, but they were just general ones, nothing to do with hormone levels at all.

About 2 years ago I had a private consultation with the Womans Hormone Clinic and they sent me for bloods, you have to do it on a certain date around your cycle and for me thats sort of guesswork, I might have been a day or two out of the timescale for it, the bloods showed nothing informative at all

I understand thats just how it is, you'd need them taken most days over a cycle to determine levels I think.

I said I would revisit a consultation after a time as I wasnt ready then for it but now Ive gone to pot and need to urgently see the doctor and dont have time to do the private consultation again.

Im concerned that I have no idea what my levels would be, how do they know what to prescribe?

Forth with life

You want to do it on day 3 of your cycle, but i think they now also offer a specialised menopause test where you test at two points in the cycle so might be worth looking at.

Worth get Oestrogen, FSH, LH, testosterone and SHBG.

You can do it via a fingerprick kit, although it does take some serious effort to bleed the amount of blood they need this way, but I've managed it 3 times successfully (but with very bruised fingertips after!!).

Gym, friends, HRT. And walk daily, especially in the hour after dinner before bed when the husband/ kids are around !

I'm similar. I'm a paramedic and frequently get stuck outside hospital waiting for long periods with patients. I can rarely be bothered with the effort of small talk, occasionally someone will spark some interest in me, but the rest of the time i try to encourage patients to 'rest' by diming the lights, or i just have to really force myself to do it. It makes it even harder than it already is.