to think expectations of grandfathers vs grandmothers are wildly uneven even among women?

My lovely Daddy was the most brilliant Grandpa, whereas my mother was a grumpy cow.

Men do mostly what they want and women hold things together

I doubt my dad ever changed my nappies, sadly hes not going to start with my kids. He's involved in her own way then retreats behind a paper, much like my FIL. I'd hope the next generation will be more invited

Nothing should be expected of either grandparent, they already took care of and raised their children, they aren't also responsible for raising their children's children.

I don’t think it’s that surprising. We’re not that far removed from a generation where it was incredibly common and largely expected for men to be providers and women to do childcare and housework. Some of those men may also have been very involved and hands-on fathers, but it certainly wasn’t the standard and I imagine many who are parents to young children now (particularly if they themselves are in their late thirties and forties and their parents 70+) keenly remember having a dad who was a bit useless with or disengaged from childcare, and aren’t likely to look to him first when it comes to actual care of his grandchildren.

Interesting. And people advised on here when struggling in a relationship with or without young DC to ‘go and stay at your mums’. Never dads!

Yes, I've noticed this too, and been surprised by it given younger women are typically much more committed to the idea of equality in parenting for their own generation.
I've concluded that unfortunately we still have some way to go before older women are not boxed into stereotypes of good granny, self sacrificing, fulfilled by continuing to be of use to others, second to the more important people (men and young women); and bad selfish granny, who has the affrontery to want a bit of a rest from childcare or a life for herself.
I think much of it stems from the continued failure of men to fully step up and young women expecting older women to fill the gap by supporting them. Which of course, many of us do because we want better for our daughters. But on a societal level I'm not sure it's progress.

Probably depends on your own childhood memories.

My Mum was the one who either didn't work or worked part-time so did the majority of child care and housework. My Dad was always at work or working overtime.

When it came to Grandchildren, my Mum was just more natural around young kids and my Dad didn't really know what to do with them. Even with Great-Grand children he's still too scared to hold a newborn in case they break.

Vaguely remember my Dad looking after my baby niece and had to ask 12 year old me for help with changing her nappy 😆.

it is double standard

but partially, it has to do with the mistrust of a male in charge of a young child.
Half the posters on here would faint at the idea of a leaving a young child to a MAN- their FIL being seen as a potential abuser.

it really does not help

grandmothers are often expected to provide regular childcare, know routines, remember appointments, cook, clean, offer emotional support and be constantly available.
not sure that's strictly true, only for some entitled people.

You're going to get quite a few 'exceptions to the rule' anecdotes now, but YANBU.

Then again, so many MNetters are unhappy with male nursery staff changing their kid's nappies or helping them in the toilet, and I'm not sure if they'd feel differently about FIL to be honest.

I think generally you’re probably not wrong however my DDad does lots for my son and will happily take him to appointments etc. He always has even when he was a toddler etc. Not sure if it makes a difference but he’s not from the UK.