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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not have a 'traditional top table'

68 replies

ByGreenJoker · 23/01/2026 11:42

Me and my partner have agreed on our top table being us and the children for the wedding breakfast.... people (one person) aren't happy with this, called us disrespectful as its traditional, we've said we aren't changing our mind... They are now threatening not to come to the wedding at all! ARGH! AIBU to not want traditional?

OP posts:
SailingYachty · 23/01/2026 12:13

Many don’t have top tables anymore, if someone is that much of a drama Queen you probably don’t want them at your wedding anyway. What a horrid person to say they wouldn’t come to your wedding then, I doubt this is the first time they’ve been difficult!

Overtheatlantic · 23/01/2026 12:12

We didn’t have a top table because I hate the idea of them. Fortunately our wedding was small enough to have a long oval and it was girl/boy seating with parents next to us.

Mumof1andacat · 23/01/2026 12:08

That's a shame...tell them that you will see them on another day if they can't make your wedding...

MiddleAgedDread · 23/01/2026 12:06

ridiculous old fashioned tradition, particularly as you seem to already be living together and have kids together, it's not as if your parents are "giving you away" is it?!? your wedding your rules

Mirrorx · 23/01/2026 12:06

ZoeCM · 23/01/2026 12:04

But the OP has children? People aren't going to think she and her husband have excluded their parents, they're going to think they've chosen to have their children at the top instead. Tradition goes out the window when you've had children before marriage.

Show quote history

So do something non traditional. Don't have a traditional set up that very publicly subs some people.

Rainbow1235 · 23/01/2026 12:05

My brother did this and it was lovely and my parents were very happy with his decision. Enjoy your special day

ZoeCM · 23/01/2026 12:04

Mirrorx · 23/01/2026 12:01

I think don't have a top table at all, rather than have one but exclude people who would usually sit at it.

If e.g. I was a parent who was absent from the top table I'd be very hurt. Entirely different if you have an arrangement where there isn't a top table but having one and excluding the usual guests makes something of a statement.

But the OP has children? People aren't going to think she and her husband have excluded their parents, they're going to think they've chosen to have their children at the top instead. Tradition goes out the window when you've had children before marriage.

Placetobreathe · 23/01/2026 12:04

It sounds a lovely idea. And , most importantly, it's what you and your partner want.

If this person choses not to come to the wedding it's their loss.

I hope you have a wonderful day OP.

HeddaGarbled · 23/01/2026 12:04

They sound like they are being ridiculous and you must do what you want.

However, all the recent weddings I have attended have gone with this small round table set up and it does make it very difficult for the guests to see and hear the speeches. Half the guests will have their backs to the speakers for the whole of the speeches and half the speakers will have their backs to half of the other half of guests, if you see what I mean.

CandiedPrincess · 23/01/2026 12:03

I didn't have a top table (at either wedding to be fair) couldn't think of anything worse than being on display. Also didn't want to sit with our parents 😅 We got married a couple of years ago and sat on a round table with our kids, it was lovely.

Mirrorx · 23/01/2026 12:01

I think don't have a top table at all, rather than have one but exclude people who would usually sit at it.

If e.g. I was a parent who was absent from the top table I'd be very hurt. Entirely different if you have an arrangement where there isn't a top table but having one and excluding the usual guests makes something of a statement.

middleagedandinarage · 23/01/2026 11:59

Ignore them, assume from your OP you already have children before marriage, I'd say well that's not tradition so here we are and this is how we want our day

Theeyeballsinthesky · 23/01/2026 11:57

Ignore them! We didn't have a traditional top table because of complicated family dynamics. No one minded

curlycat · 23/01/2026 11:55

I didn't want to be 'on show' at my wedding 27 years ago. Our top table was a huge buffet. The people who would have been on a traditional top table still sat together but it also meant my bridesmaids husbands and best mans wife could sit with them as well and not spend most of the day apart

Scarlettpixie · 23/01/2026 11:46

I think that sounds lovely. We had one big rectangle of tables so we could see all our guests.

Dartmoorcheffy · 23/01/2026 11:46

Tell them not to.come then. Its your day and you decide how you want things to be. I've catered dozens of weddings and its quite normal to not have a top table, or just bride groom and their kids on it.

Sanasaaa · 23/01/2026 11:46

Tell the person that it's disrespectful to threaten people and make demands, and them not attending is absolutely fine.

It's called a sweetheart table. Smile

murasaki · 23/01/2026 11:44

Your wedding, your choice! Sounds lovely to me.

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