To not have a 'traditional top table'

I assume the person taking great offence to this pictured themselves at the top table? Perhaps you can find some other old English wedding traditions and see if they feel as strongly about them?

It’s your day and I think it’s a lovely idea. Do it!

Whenever I see a thread on weddings I’m so glad ours is over and done with! They’re lovely in theory but in practice it’s a ball ache. I had a few threaten not to come, and they were all met with a “lol don’t come then” text. Don’t let someone moan their way onto your top table, don’t let anyone moan their way into you making any changes to your wedding in fact. At the end of the day it’s a contract between two people and the government (and possibly god depending on what you believe).

But it shuts the complainer down, the meal is a short part of the days events, and long term unpleasantness is avoided.

Depends what the most important thing to worry about long term is. Sounds like it's a parent who is making the fuss.

The last wedding we went to, the couple sat on their own on a mini top table with her family on one of the closest round tables and his on another. They said they did it so they could just enjoy the meal as a couple. Their parents could also sit with their closest family members. It worked well, it was about people’s enjoyment and not tradition

My son got married in April and one of the options the venue offered was a table just for the 2 of them. I think these days all sorts of variations exist as families are so diverse (and difficult!). Do what you like, he can suck it up. Sorry your dad won't be there.

We didn’t have one either, both our parents are divorced and DH’s parents hate each other so it would have been a nightmare.

They sat on tables with their families and we sat on the same style round table as everyone else in the middle with the best man, bridesmaids and a couple of others.

@ByGreenJoker

It is entirely up to you, how tables etc are set up. It's your day and if you want someting not traditional that is absolutely absolutely fine.

But the way you have described it, you are still want wanting a traditional top table lay out, just not with the usual people who would traditionally sit at said top table? If that's right you and family will all be sitting at a long table with difficult conversation due the layout

Why have a top table at all? Just have a number of round tables instead? It may still not help with the difficult person, but will at least not look as if any individual is being deliberate snubbed? I can understand why the difficult person feels upset, if you are actually having an actual top table lay out.

Still your call of course, but do consider not having a top table at all?

But that's not what the couple want!

Just add an extra place at the end of the top table and let them sit there. Job done.

YANBU. Our top table was me, DH and 3 year old DD, and it was lovely.

Have the wedding you want - you could smile sweetly and point out that it's not traditional to have your children before marriage, so the traditional rule book has already been thrown out of the window!!

I think it's lovely that you're having just your children on the top table, celebrating the start of your new chapter in your family life.

I’ve been married twice and didn’t have a traditional top table either time. First wedding we had a sweetheart table and parents each hosted a table, second wedding it was a very casual party with bench style tables, the ‘top table’ was 3 benches together in a row, DH & I with nobody facing us so we could see the whole room, parents either side of us with siblings opposite them. Your wedding, your rules.

We didn't have a top table, but we didn't have a set meal either, had a later wedding with a buffet, people just sat wherever they wanted with whoever, me and my partner spent most of the time up anyways, and just sat where there was a space when we had some food.

I agree about the the generational difference and I’d probably put them
on the top table. However, I’m 73 and if my DC wanted a top table with just new spouse and children I couldn’t care less.

Do what you want, OP. I went to a lovely wedding last year where the bride and groom just sat by themselves and both sets of parents hosted separate tables. Nobody has fallen out, everyone was very happy and it worked really well.

Is it a parent? Because if so, while they are being a bit silly, personally I would probably put them on the top table rather than have them not attend. I think there is a generational difference in how this sort of thing is viewed and they may think it is socially embarrassing to be seated elsewhere (and indeed in some circles it absolutely would be). Unless there is some backstory about them being super difficult and you fear it will negatively impact the day if they sit with you for a couple of hours, I would just concede and hold the line on the things that were more important to me.

Do as you please

I’m not saying I don’t agree with you but isn’t there room for the ‘traditional’ people at the top table? ie: your and partner’s parents?

DD just had a small table for her and her DH (if they'd gone for a traditional top table arrangement it would have looked stupid as it would have been so long). All their guests were sat on circular tables which were set out so that she and her DH could see everybody. It was lovely.
Tell that person they are not obliged to come to your wedding if they're silly enough to get cross over a table.

What I would do is sit all the older generation etc at a “top table”. With wedding party etc

I’d remove the bride and groom from that table to sit with my kids - call it table 3 or whatever.

Job done.

You get what you want and self aggrandising family member gets what they want (well not really but they think they do!)

They are doing something non traditional (and also pretty standard) by sitting with each other and their kids.

If the name calling, threatening, demanding person is being snubbed, then so are all the bridesmaids, groomsmen, all parents, and whomever else usually sits on the long table. 😁

I think your set up sounds lovely and I think I’d do the same if dh and I were to get married now.

None of the weddings I’ve been to recently have had a traditional top table. Two had the bridesmaids and groomsmen at the top table and another had a sweetheart table