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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help please- is this a really clear decision to make?

38 replies

tgifhurray · 23/01/2026 09:43

To cut a long story as short as possible- I am from a different country originally, made my life her in the UK with DH and family, the plan was always to move home but no matter what we tried, DH can't find a good job over there (or would have serious downsides like monster commute and never being home, plus earning at least a third less than what he does now).

Right now:

  • I work school hours in a very low-stress job
  • We have tons of family time
  • we like in a lovely area with lots of friends nearby
  • My son is very happy and has lots of friends, likes his school, mild SEN suspected and good support plan in place.

If we moved, we would lose all of that- but, we would live in a beautiful part of Europe very near my parents. The school system is very different though and SEN support isn't as established as it is over here. Plus, my son is very settled and has made it very clear he doesn't want to move there.

We visit my parents at least every 2 months so see plenty of them.

WWYD? YABU- stay here, YANBU- move

OP posts:
Tammygirl12 · 23/01/2026 10:07

Staying where you are is the obvious best choice from the info you provided

PeachyKoala · 23/01/2026 09:57

I feel this is a no brainer but your emotions are clouding your head

SilverPink · 23/01/2026 09:56

Really, you need to do what works best for now, not what you may, or may not need, in the future. So that seems to be staying here judging by your pros and cons.

TheNightingalesStarling · 23/01/2026 09:55

Would your patents what is best for them, or best for their grandchild (education, stability etc?)

Original poster
tgifhurray · 23/01/2026 09:53

Thank you so much for all your quick replies, I can't work out how to reply to each one seperately (first time poster sorry!)

the only reason I want to move is to be near my folks should they need help. I kind of feel it would be easier to do this now rather than in a few years. I'd be guilt ridden if I am here and can't help them.
That's the only reason really that I think of moving!

To the poster asking if I've posted about this before, no, this is my first post on Mumsnet. :)

OP posts:
BlueJuniper94 · 23/01/2026 09:48

You don't mention how you feel about that - do you live near your in-laws at the moment? Are you feeling happy and settled here? Remaining here doesn't have to be permanent, you can put plans on hold until things look more favourable or you feel differently. The facts you lay out make staying look like a no brainer, but you must feel conflicted if you're posting. How do you and your partner feel? Are your parents ailing and need support? Not enough info

BlueJuniper94 · 23/01/2026 09:48

You don't mention how you feel about that - do you live near your in-laws at the moment? Are you feeling happy and settled here? Remaining here doesn't have to be permanent, you can put plans on hold until things look more favourable or you feel differently. The facts you lay out make staying look like a no brainer, but you must feel conflicted if you're posting. How do you and your partner feel? Are your parents ailing and need support? Not enough info

RueChercheMidi · 23/01/2026 09:47

Did you post about this fairly recently, specifying that your home country was Austria? Has anything changed since your last post, when, from what I remember, you got good advice on things like SEN provision and integration?

bunnylegs · 23/01/2026 09:47

You haven’t really said why you would want to move back?

Having been a child who was moved countries, I was 11, also having support needs (unrecognised though) I can honestly say it is one of the most traumatic things I have ever been through. I would never move a child unless there was a very clear need to do so, which from what you say, there isn’t.

Mirrorx · 23/01/2026 09:47

You haven't really given a single advantage of moving back?

Mulledjuice · 23/01/2026 09:47

Apart from the fact it was your plan, and apart from being closer to your parents, what is making you want to (or feel you should) move back?

chattychatchatty · 23/01/2026 09:46

What’s the advantages of moving to be near your folks beyond that fact and the ‘beautiful part of Europe’? It doesn’t sound like it’s a 50/50, more a 90/10 in favour of staying here?

Lady2026 · 23/01/2026 09:44

Stay seems more plusses than negatives