Help please- is this a really clear decision to make?

Is your brother also considering moving back? Or have you fallen into the dutiful daughter trap of assuming a) it all falls on you and b) that either of you have to uproot your lives.

Surely your priority should be your child not your parents? No brainer to me.

I think you've created a problem that doesn't exist.

Right now, your parents are healthy and happy as they are. You see them regularly and spend the Summer with them.

They don't need you there and you visit far more than a lot of people do with the same or shorter difference.

You would be sacraficing the happiness of you, your DH and DC for no valid reason.

Stay.
You see your parents every two months; plenty of people living in the same country see family less than that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your quality of life in your beautiful home country won't be great if your DH has a shit low paid job or has a monster commute, whilst you don't have a nice stress free job, have lost your friend network and your DS isn't having his SEN needs met.

I'm from a beautiful country with great weather and a nice outdoorsy lifestyle. But I gave up on moving back because I have same issue as you DH re the job market and probably couldn't have afforded the things I like to do when based here in the UK.

If and when your parents need greater support you and your brother will just have to work it out and do what you can remotely and with more frequent visits. In the meantime talk to them openly about preparing for when that day comes - adaptations to the house or moving to something more suitable in older age, transport for when they can't drive, finances, getting cleaners/gardeners/in-home carers and when needed moving into a care home.

Get power of attorney for finance and welfare sorted out now (depending on how your country does that) so it's not a drama if one loses capacity for decisions. Make sure they have wills and have told you what they want re funerals. Talk now, before it becomes too late and a crisis.

The main problem is that you would be changing a life that your DH and DS are very happy with to deal with guilt over a problem with your parents that hasn't happened yet.

I think you need to get yourself a job you enjoy and make the most of living here.

If it is just Europe, it is easy to visit your parents for stretches of time especially when DS is older.

I would stay put and just have maybe a few more breaks back - the plus sides won’t matter or seem as good if there are a load of minuses

There is very few advantages to returning excluding emotional. I can understand why you would like to return but it isn’t practical. Maybe when your child is older, going to college and you’ve worked out a business plan to support yourselves in the country.
Save as much as you can.

Stay put. Your child is surely a bigger priority than your parents?

Stay put for now.
SEN is not really a thing in Europe. Only 5% of kids have SEN in the EU compared to 20% here - the remaining cases are considered mild enough that they are expected to cope like other kids.

There are options but only if you have not yet become a British citizen. If you have citizenship here (even as a European citizen) you lose the right to bring European dependents. You have to apply for family visa for them and meet all immigration criteria.

But I agree with you re: moving parents here and taking them out of everything they know and love. For us it is also not an option.

Beautiful scenery doesn’t compensate for a lot less money, your child being less supported in school and your dh having a git of a commute.

you’vr listed NO advantages of going back.

ah, I see it’s because your are guilty about leaving, in case your parents might require care at some point in the future.

get therapy instead to sort your guilt.

I would definitely stay put. Best of both worlds. You still get to visit family. Your children get to know their grandparents' and their country through holiday visits.

Maybe once the children are grown up, when your parents may be frail and elderly and in need of more support and regular contact, you could retire there?

Remember Brexit? You can’t just move these days.

I think you sound very caring to be wanting to help DP in their older years,However ATM you sound very settled here.Where are your DP ? If the US or Europe then you could still help .You would need a care plan in place anyway unless they could live with you .(Not an option for many people) .You have to put DH and DC first really

With a child that has SEN my first and foremost thought would be about which country is better for them. I’m in a similar situation to you but my priority is my child and there is no doubt in my mind that it’s better to raise her here rather than in my home country. The environment, acceptance and understanding we see here (despite what you sometimes come across on mumsnet) will not be the same if we were to move. And as much I love my parents and would do everything to help when the time comes, I have to prioritise my kids wellbeing to give them the best chance in life.

If your parents need support in the future why couldn’t they move to the uk? Your current situation sounds idyllic and I think you would be crazy to move another option if you work school hours I assume you mean term time only can you not spend the summer there with your child and your husband could pop over for part of it

The way you've written this gives the impression you'd prefer to stay. Next step is to consider how to communicate this to your husband's family. Think ahead if you could spend longer over there during school holidays for your children to have a relationship with his side of the family, enjoy the food, learn the language. If you can communicate these to his relatives as well, it will be easier for them to accept your decision staying here.

Your main responsibility is to your DC. It sounds like a move would not be in his best interests. It seems pretty clear cut to me that you should stay.