DP’s son moving in

That's the least of her problems.

She might find that the son is having very loud sex with his girlfriend.

So he'll now be messy in your new house.

She'll be back, name changed, when it all goes to hell in a handcart. And we'll all support her. Cos we're the good guys 😀

I wish someone had actually said the words “Don’t marry him.” to me when I was marrying my ex but nobody did. I didn’t want to, it all felt wrong and I was miserable but it was too late in the day (so I thought) to pull out. Ended up being declared bankrupt as he messed with my head, finances and all sorts of horribleness until I escaped.

I hope your life is more positive now.

I hope the OP is reading all the messages and has listened. It’s awful watching a wreck happening in slow motion and not being able to do anything

Everyone told me not to marry my ex husband. I felt too awkward to pull out of the wedding last minute. 10 years of abject misery ensued.
Don't be me. Pull out now. It doesn't matter that its last minute.
Your partner has dumped something on you without even having the decency to discuss it with you.
Its a massive red flag. Your life will be a misery and nobody will respect you.

Difficult for the OP, I suppose, if she's been talked round and convinced to go ahead with the house purchase despite literally hundreds of strangers on the internet telling her in no uncertain terms it would be a really bad idea.

OP has ''left the building '' or been hit by a bus!

Yes I'd love it if the OP returned and said she'd called the solicitors and stopped the purchase but I suspect the 'D'P will have talked her round. It's a shame.

OP has ''left the building '' or been hit by a bus!

Sometimes the universe gives us a sign. Right now the universe has shown you the man you planned to spend the rest of your life with is a complete ass. Yes, parents should prioritise their children but that doesn't mean they impose them on their partner without any discussion. There has been no talk of how this will work as to cooking, laundry and food let alone getting into the subject of their use of utilities or even asking you about your views. You are meant to put up with a young man even his own mother can't stand to live with. Your "partner" has just presented it as a fait accompli. He just assumes you will suck it all up without complaint. Right now I would not be buying a house with this man. Well to be honest, I would probably never buy a house with this sort of man.

Well the son will need to know that if he moves in he :
needs ti be tidy
no smoking weed
? girlfriend does not stay over / eat all your food etc
he pays board.
And if not op will moan at him ‘more’ than his mum (and then moan to partner causing their relationship to suffer).
Ss is after an easy ride and is too immature to see his behaviour is the problem.
kids can play one parent off against the other.

His own mother has had enough if his attitude and behaviour. Your partner refused to discuss it with you, and hasnt discussed any of the details. This would stop me in my tracks completely.

I would absolutely be laying very strict ground rules about gf stays over one night a week max. No weed at all. He keeps his room clean. What his share if the housework will be. How much he will contribute towards food and bills. His cooking for the family nights.

Do not let his or his father’s attitude be that mum expects his to be respectful so he is moving in with dad who has no expectations.

Or using someone else's towel 🤮

I think OP started the thread thinking we would say yes she was being unreasonable, and that would put her mind at rest, and the purchase would go ahead as planned.

But we've been unanimous in backing her doubts. Not only that we've introduced questions about the values of her partner.

Maybe that's why she's not been back.

I hope the new house doesn't have neighbours. If you moved next door to me with a weed smoking teenager, I would be extremely pissed off.

No update from the OP?
I would definitely pull out of this house purchase - and make it clear I was horrified that this precious (adult) DS didn't think he should ask his dad about the possibility of moving in, rather than just telling him. And that his dad's reaction was to say yes, rather than explaining he would need to talk to his partner first, and that neither of them would put up with mess in their brand-new house either.

I doubt he's even thought about it. I very much doubt there's been any discussion with the lad along the lines of "we have an en suite, you'll use the main bathroom, which you MUST keep clean for when we have visitors and for when MK wants to use the bath."

@Imdunfer but wouldn’t it have crossed OP’s mind as he was already going to be staying 1 day a week at least, or would he have been banned from the bathroom

I find men don't tend to think about sharing bathrooms, I doubt it has crossed the father's mind.

Plus the girlfriend don't forget.

You are going to go from having your own house to escape to for "me" time to living full time with your partner and now,his adult son?
Sorry,but that would not work for me.

DS was already going to be staying one night a week and DD stays sometimes during the holidays so surely bedroom/bathroom allocation would already have been thought about

I forgot the bathroom. Yes of course, imagine having to share your bathroom with a19 year old whose mother has thrown him out for being messy!

More importantly - at the very least , 2 bathrooms.

It has to be a 4 bed house (not 3 plus a box room) otherwise he giving her part of a room to his son, and if her daughter ever needs to move in there will be no room for her.