DP’s son moving in

Hopefully shes had / still having discussions with him and they are sorting it out one way or another. Then maybe we will be updated of outcome.

I would not allow someone to move in if they use drugs. If they got caught with something illegal I would have inform my employer and could lose my job. You do not want your home address linked to illegal activity.

And who will nag him to clear up in your house when he’s messy? Absolutely no way would I go ahead with exchanging! Your dp cannot simply dictate this to you. What is the bedroom situation?

I think so too. She'll agree not to pull out if certain rules are followed by DPs son.
That went so well in his own mother's house.

Hope it works out for Op. Start as you mean to go on with son, set the ground rules from the off.

Without any prior discussion? Madness.
He's a 19 year old adult working full time, his mother has had enough of his behaviour, so he should find himself a flat share and not expect his father's partner to take him (and his g/friend and weed) in on his say-so.

He should indeed be able to live with his dad if he wants to, but his dad should discuss this with the other members of the household and not just drop it in their laps as a fait accompli.

Good. Hes his son and should be able to live with his dad if he wants to.

Imagine a future in your fifties and onwards with a man who would pull this sort of trick, make you doubt your own reaction, and leave you feeling guilty for being shocked and upset and uneasy, and no doubt has trowelled on the guilt-trip when she later raised - if she raised - any concerns, even just for the manner of the decision being delivered to her as a done deal without any input from her.

She's going to let the son move in.

Noooo, I am joking. I don't have luck with boss guys...I got one humble decent intellectual and will be until death do us part. But if a new one appears, yes, he has got to be a boss and pay up :D

@thankfulnessisnotbizarre would you expect them to buy a separate house for your adult DC too?

OP, so exchanging on Monday?? and burying your money and whole future welfare into it??

i will never buy a house with a man who has an ex and children from another woman. If they are such a big boss, let them buy a house for me and a separate to their own adult children.

Ok, so many thread where no reply after the majour crux served.

That's all folks, OP has left the building.

The issue for me is not the situation, it’s the lack of any discussion. What else is he going to drop on you with no discussion.

really. Now is the time o draw a line before yoh are committed by jointly owning a house.

Also true.

It's just frustrating after asking for opinions, she's decided not to return.

I know it happens all the time on here, it's just frustrating when people leave mid topic after receiving opinions and advice about their dilemma.

Anyway, whatever OP decides, I hope it works out well for her.

When you're feeling overwhelmed, one more thing can seem too much.

I imagine she is, a moment to just say thanks for your input everyone, I've read it and have a lot to think about, wouldn't take a lot of time out of her day.

What happened @maximusss? I can’t stop thinking about your thread!

This. We've all pretty much been saying the same thing for hundreds of posts now, and it's a lot for OP to take on - not just this house surprise, but everyone dog-piling onto the DP that she was happy with until now... She must be in some shock.

I'm sure her time will now be better spent getting a clear head and dealing with this IRL rather than coming back to update. If she does update, I hope it's good news; but if she gets in a pickle, I hope she feels able to come back for support.

Good on yer, @maximusss ! 🤗

Damn OP, you're going to let this happen?

I imagine the OP is dealing with a whole pile of very difficult and very urgent life decisions and is sensibly focussing on doing that rather than coming back to update the thread. She heard a lot of great advice, and can use that however she wants. It’s not been very long in real life since this all happened.