DP’s son moving in

I’m so glad you have more time to think.

What did your dp say about your reaction to it all?

Just remember that you can still put a stop to the house purchase, and if your dp is a good partner he’ll understand that you want to postpone things until your dc’s are more settled.

You have to ask yourself, if his ds was to move in with you, how long is it likely to be for? Because I’m guessing it won’t just be a few months.

Thanks for the update and so pleased that you have delayed the exchange.

Did you discuss a cohabitation agreement before his bombshell news of his son moving to live with you?

A cohabitation agreement can set out ground rules for how you will manage finances and household rules for the jointly owned property.

To be honest, his actions give the impression that even with an agreement he will ride roughshod over you and your wishes.

I would only buy with him after I had rented with him for 6-12 months as if you buy you could end up stuck waiting for the house to sell if you can't cope with your DP, his son or the son's girlfriend. If they refuse to sell up if could take 12 months plus and £££ to get an order for sale of the property and then another 12 months plus to get the house sold and to get the house sale to go through.

That could mean over 2 years of hell as I suspect your DP won't have your back when you have issues with his son and unlike the boy's mother you won't easily be able to sort out the problem.

Please think really carefully and think about a cohabitation agreement if you decide to go ahead despite the red flag.

Did he actually discuss anything with you?

OP, pleased you have been able to put things on hold to get some thinking time. You’ve got a lot to think about and maybe discuss with your partner.

I'm not going to tell you what to do, I'm not you, but do make good use of the time. 🤗

You absolutely should postpone the exchange before you do counselling or mediation. Not due to the son issue per se but because he blindsided you and this is not someone you want to be totally tied up with financially

But staying once a week would still involve a bedroom, still involve all the things the OP was worried about eg mess, girlfriend staying, weed smoking. Again why does mum always have to take the hit of adult DC living with them. More dads should step up.

Her DD occasionally stays at the house, but could potentially stay full time after uni.

OP, how would you feel about pulling out of this house purchase and seeing what happens after your DP's son moves into his current home?

If your DP sets house rules and his son abides by them, and is also polite and considerate towards you when you visit or stay over, then maybe after several months of this arrangement, you could look for another house to buy together.

On the other hand, if your DP and his son end up living in a tip which smells of weed, and clearly hope that you will cook and clean for them when you stay over, then don't buy a house together.

He wasn’t living with his dad before usually stays with dad once a week, his mom chucked him out. This plan involved no agreement with the OP who is buying half the house. This is the problem he kept this from her couple days before exchange of contracts. Glad she has decided to delay, but a great big flag, imagine what other things he is going to keep from her debt? She has protect herself financially.

Of course they'd be welcome in your house. However, you cannot speak for the person with whom you share ownership. If you want that to be an option, you need to discuss it first.

Glad you gave some time.
Red flags galore if his own mother doesn’t want him living with her and/or he doesn’t respect her rules or house! I see zero reason he would respect you either. Your partner had just said this will without discussion, so the same will happen with all future events regarding his son. You may find they have each others backs and it’s you vs them.

I’m sorry this has happened but it could be your get out of jail free card! I hope things turn out well for you 🤞

Have you discussed this with your partner @maximusss

Well yes of course its a statement. My kids living with me wouldnt be up for discussion either. They would simply be welcome without question, especially at 19.

You’ve missed the point. It was not discussed. It was a statement. My son is moving in. He’s having this bedroom. Can you see the difference

I'm glad you had more time to think, but if in doubt, don't do it. The fact that your partner just said his son would be moving in without a discussion is a big red flag. Theres obviously been no discussion about the reasons his mum doesn't want him there or boundaries and rules in your house. Your partner is ignoring all that and giving you a fait accomplis. Does that modus operandi bode well for your future relationship? I think not!

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I'm glad you have time to think OP. I hope you can make the best decision for you all.

All the op and the father need to do it say there are house rules. Its really not difficult. If anyone tried telling me my children couldnt live with me, especially at 19 where they are often in rubbish jobs, I would get rid of them immediatelyas my children come first. Its not like the son is in his 30s and being a bum. Hes only 19. I bet op wouldnt bat an eye if her children wanted to come home after uni to save for a few years.

Do you all throw your kids out at 18 and thunk you've done your bit?

What a great update. I am so pleased.

I'm very glad that you have breathing space.

Thank you for updating.

@maximusss Hope all went well today, whatever decesion you took.

Hope you’re ok @maximusss

😂

It’s good that you recognise that some posters are morally superior.

I would expect house rules to apply for 19yo but they would apply to my own DC as well (and indeed partner!).