DP’s son moving in

The smell of weed attracts rodents too.

If you didn’t plan to live with two additional adults plus rodents, do not exchange.

Even his own mother doesn’t enjoy living with him/them!

as someone who has an adult DSC living with them full time (who has lived there part time since early teens so slightly different). Please set boundary's before it happens, No to smoking weed in the house/garden (we had this for a while and it really got to me), agree rent upfront (even if you can afford to keep some aside for his future), girlfriend can visit x times or stay x times a week, he has to do his share of cleaning the communal areas, he does his washing, keeps his room clean etc. whatever is your requirements. He may then decide not to move in, but either way he knows the expectation. but you HAVE to get your DP on board, as mine doesn't call out his DS ever and that makes it difficult. Luckily we and DSC get on well generally. Good luck!

I think your partner planned this. The timing is not coincidental. He's been telling his son he can move in, and just to wait until you've exchanged.

I would pull out.

Please don’t proceed with the purchase!

The girlfriend, weed, mess could also be a problem if he just carries on with the one day a week.

Agree with others - he cannot unilaterally decide that you with be sharing with a 3rd person. There would need to be a discussion about contribution to rent, shared areas etc unless you are now being expected to underwrite his son via a 50/50 split. I appreciate that you will have incurred legal costs, survey costs, given notice on your property etc [which is why he has waited until now to tell you, thinking it will be too late for you to back out], but I absolutely would not be standing for this.

It’s a cock lodger by proxy situation, isn’t it?

This sounds sketchy as hell. No consultation, last minute, and his son is an adult. Don't buy a house with this man - at least not right now.

So what has been said since bombshell dropped? I would be delaying Exchange. I would want clarity from DP when he first knew. We would be discussing house rules (which would apply to your DD too). I am of the opinion that if partner has DC (either child or young adult) then there could be a possibility that they move in, either full time or part-time, then that should have been discussed beforehand, and that includes your DD too.

After reading all your posts OP, I'd pull out today.

His son may be a nice enough guy for his one day at yours a week, but it sounds as though he's messy and doesn't like being told to tidy after himself. He'll be bringing these issues to your new home. I've no doubt he'll expect to have his gf staying overnight too, so you'll have two additional adults in the house (with the additional mess and expense).

The fact your DP has dumped this on you as though it's a done deal is not on. You will own half the house and it should have been a discussion. Is your DP the type to keep his son in check, or will he just let him get away with all sorts?

I also wouldn't want someone smoking weed in my garden. The smell is awful and infiltrates inside.

Don't be scared by the fact exchange is a few days away. You're in a position now to speak up. By Monday it'll be too late. Worst case, call it all off. Best case, tell the solicitor today something has come up and you need to delay a week or two. Don't be pushed into accepting this just because it's his son. It'd be different if the son was a child, but adult kids don't normally move to the other parent unless there are big problems.

You pull out of the sale. He has just tossed a bomb into your life and you don't seem to have realised that yet. So many details to discuss:

Will he pay rent
Can his girlfriend stay over and, if so, how often
Will he do his own laundry or expect you to
Will he keep his room clean
Will he smoke weed in the house
Will he expect you to cook
Will he expect you to clean
Will he pick up after himself

You could be in your new house totally miserable in a few months time.

Definitely agree. At least give yourself time to think it through. And doing this will also bring it home to your DP what a big issue this is it doesn’t sound like he gets it

I think you and your partner have both been incredibly naïve in not discussing the potential for either of your kids living with you in your new home at some point.

You cannot say that your daughter won't need to live with you in the future, it's incredibly tough for young people starting out in their careers these days.

Your partner has beaten you to it though by making this announcement, which is clumsy and disrespectful in the way it has been ' decided', and very worrying that he's moving in with you because his mum 'nags'. we all know this means that this young man has some very anti social habits which will really negatively affect your living arrangements.

I think you and DP need to go back to the drawing board here and decided if living together in a new house also incorporates both your kids living there as well, which seems like quite a realistic possibility.

If that prospect makes either of you uneasy, stick to the existing two home arrangement.

OP you’re not unreasonable at all to be worried by this. A better approach from your OH would have been to come to you with a conversation, saying “hey, my son has just said he wants to move in with us full time, can we talk about it?” It’s fair enough that he’d want to provide somewhere for his son to live, but he lives with you now too, or will do, in a joint house, and presenting it as a fait accompli is thoughtless and yes, I’d be worried too.

Looks to me like there are lots of reasons to pull out. If you're really unsure at least delay completion so you can fully discuss things. Lack of discussion so far is a very bad sign.

This. better to get the arguments out there now than to have sold your own house and be faced with father/son vs you. It wont end well so get it over with now.

you cannot just exchange on Monday. Well you can, but you will be picking up and cleaning up after a messy adult, he and his girlfriend will be occupying your living space and the house will smell faintly of weed and the garden reek of it, while your dp gets cross you being cross as he’s on the defensive. If you want to sign up for that life, go ahead and exchange on Monday. If you don’t, pause it to discuss this.

Are you mad??

Pull out now!

You will be out of your mind if you mess up your life and that of your childrens by moving in with him.

You will be stuck.

His mother has had enough of his mess.
Now it is your mess.

You will not be able to say a word to him.

Thank god you found out.
If you buy you are walking eyes wide open to a total shit show that will cost you so much money.

Tell him buy the house with his son, and the sons girlfriend.

You will be skivvy to them all.

Some women wonder how they end up screwed?

Here is a perfect dxample of it.

He thinks you are a complete idiot.
You will be too if you go ahead with this.

Wake up.

So why did OP not discuss this with him?

He was trying to discuss it with OP and she said he spoke about bedrooms etc so why did she not bring any of that up at the same time.

why now? why wasnt he living at his fathers before or staying eg twice a week? Is it because there will be a maid service available?

Totally agree with this advice. Far better to do this than try to extricate yourself further down the line.

You ignore this at your peril.

You message him immediately and say ‘I am not ok. Thinking of pulling out of the exchange if you are just going to drop such major decisions on me. If your son is messy I’m not living in a pig sty nor am I his new maid, and nobody smokes weed ever in my house or garden. Is his girlfriend going to he around every day too? Because not in my house she isn’t, so given the way you’ve done this I think the only way to enjoy living in my home is to stay here where I am.

So what if it's his (adult) son?

It's going to be your home!

Tell him you're putting the sale on hold and see if that concentrates his mind!

This. Exactly what I was about to write.

All other things aside (although they are very relevant), the weed smoking is probably the most significant. The lad is looking for somewhere to live which will enable him pursue his habit. It's probably the main reason his mother moans at him.

"Smoking weed" sounds so innocuous to some, but it's a slippery slope which often leads to serious and harmful addiction affecting not just the smoker but everyone around them.

Even if he doesn't move in with the OP and her DH, if his addiction continues it will affect them in one way or another.

I'd run a mile.