DP’s son moving in

That is excellent, maximussss. Gives you a bit longer to think.

Personally I wouldn't move in together but it's obviously up to you.

@maximusss I feel you have decided to just go along with this . I would advise to have something in writing with regards to possible sale of the house . You need to put down that the house can be sold if the relationship doesn't work !. Or else you are stuck and will have to spend a lot of Money in court to get your money out. Protect yourself or else you will regret it!

I really hope the OP gets the ending she deserves.

Absolutely there should be boundaries but doesn’t mean that there shouldn’t be expectation that 19yo should not be able to live in the house

@Tryagain26 Yes, most 19-year-olds are still based at home. What would concern me in this situation is that her DSS is being asked to leave by his Mum due to his behavior - so some boundaries need to be set before he moves in with the OP and his Dad.

19 is a very young adult. My children were still studying at that age and our home was their home. I doubt many 19 year olds who live completely independently. Having said that OPs partner should have discussed it with OP and not just assumed.

@maximusss How are you doing? What’s your dp’s view on the situation? How has he taken the decision to delay and possibly cancel the purchase?

I’m glad you have breathing space and can hopefully have a chat about this

That is not what she is upset about. It's the lack of discussion and the dictation she is confused by and I fully concur with her.

Don't move in with that man OP....you've been told

Thank goodness it's on hold OP. Do you feel bad about letting down both your buyer and the joint house seller? If you do, please don't let any of that stop you doing what is right for YOU. I guarantee they wouldn't GAF about you.

@Greenmouldycheese

"So many wicked stepmothers in here its unreal."

Ludicrous response when the adult son (not a child) has been thrown out by his own Mother for his unacceptable behaviour.

"Your language is a disgrace."

😂LMFAO This is MN.

You are repeating yourself (or another pp)
The issue is that OP has been given a fait accomplie. It's good that there is a hold up in the exchange of contracts so she has time to evaluate whether she continues with the house purchase. I wouldn't.

Hahahahaha!

They probably did, but dp had unilaterally decided the son was moving in straight away. No discussion was had for that.

This - surely there must have been some general conversation about the possibility of some of your various young adults needing a home in future, if only when you were deciding how many bedrooms you needed and whether this particular house had enough space. Is there an issue perhaps of the smallest bedroom being too small for either of you to be comfortable with your adult child having it?

YANBU to pause and reconsider. He has changed the goalposts and the fact he did it unilaterally is a worry. It's also fine to say actually, nope, I'd rather just live apart after all. Not ideal, sure, but leaving it longer if you're unhappy with it is much worse - for him, as well as for you.

@maximusss

Glad you got a little breathing room. Use it wisely.

Remember this is about YOU and what you want for yourself and DD, just as he gives first consideration as to what he wants for himself and his DS. Neither is actually 'wrong', but often the differing wants don't permit a compromise.

Consider and decide, before you broach the subject with him. There's nothing wrong with living apart for a while longer.

I'm surprised in a way that it's not a conversation you've had before more generally - about whether your home will be home to your own children for as long as they want, for example which surely would also apply to his. In your situation, I would have that conversation now, and also much more importantly one about making decisions jointly. Plus anything else important you might not have talked about. And have a massive think about the commitment you're making to be sure you want to move forward with it.

It is WILD that this is the first time they've mentioned it.

Don't do it, OP. There will be other houses in the future. See how it goes with your partner's son's move in with his dad. Give it a year. I don't imagine his mum chucked him out lightly- she must have tried the 'house rules' about weed smoking, mess etc. and failed. A messy lad visiting once a week is not the same world as a messy lad living with you and regarding it as his permanent home.

Never mind the fact that your partner just dropped it on you without warning.

Of course, my dcs could move back with us if they had to do. But no one else's could.

Well done OP, I'm glad you have some breathing space to think this over.

So pleased.
This is the universe looking out for you.
Do not buy this house.
Pull out.
Don't do something you will truly regret.

You seem to be missing the point - the son moving in full time was never mentioned until almost the last minute. If the op had full knowledge that a 19 yr old who is so messy, smokes weed etc, that his own mother has given up on him, would be moving in to a house that she’ll be paying 50% of, BEFORE she signed on the dotted line, she might have had second thoughts. How many pp would be happy with that prospect? Yes, it should be a given that one’s dc are always welcome, but it should be discussed before a house purchase by two people who are not the bio parents. And a messy weed smoker would not be welcome in many homes, bio child or otherwise.

He's a weed smoker, untidy and inconsiderate of others, judging by why his mum is fed up. And if he's enabled in his current behaviour by being allowed to do the same in his dad's house, he could very well turn out to be a bum by 30. The fact that he's 19 is imo significant, but not in the way you think it is: He's a young adult now and if he isn't starting to grow up of his own accord, it's actually his parents' duty to impose some conditions around his behaviour in their homes, for his sake as well as that of others. It seems unlikely that he will, so yes OP actually is entitled to a say in whether she'll tolerate it in a home that's half hers.

And as for 'just say there are house rules' – have you actually parented teens yet? 😂 And what would be your proposed consequences if those rules were broken?

Well I hope the op will be telling her children they arent welcome to live there after uni too. If his children arent welcome, then surely her kids will be treated the same.

Your language is a disgrace.