Small town problems!

The whole thing sounds bizarre. Most people are different in different contexts. No need for “different personas” and making such a fuss over nothing. I’m not surprised that most people you hang around with are 10 years younger because honestly you sound immature and socially inept. You could of just withdrawn without mentioning your friend and coming across as weird/mean.

For a start, stop having a homophobic bigot as a friend!
You are thinking too deeply about the way you interact with other people and presenting a false, inauthentic persona, which most of us can see through in a millisecond. Your chatter about drugs and partying and feeling like a teenager si ridiculous, coming from a woman with an adult child. I wonder what your children think about your behaviour?

Oh, and why would you even be friends with someone who said that about your 18 year old?
Something's off about this whole thing

This is such an odd thread!

so many contradictions. Is this your actual personality or what you want people to think of you? I am ND and for years I did things and dressed in certain ways to evoke a reaction in people because I wanted them to think I was quirky or I wanted them to think I was fun. But it wasn't really me. I was trying to play a character. I was incredibly insecure. I am quirky and fun, but i was making such a big point of proving that to people that it came across as awkward and a bit unhinged.

Now I couldn't give a f**k what people think about me and I have much more authentic friendships! I have a very eclectic mix of interests. Sometimes they overlap, other times they are very compartmentalised. I dress for myself, not for others and I share all my hobbies and interests with everyone. If they want a slice of the pie, the more the merrier! Most of them HATE the music I am into so thats something I do alone or with my husband. One of my friends is very much up for anything and if she goes and doesn't enjoy it, still relishes the experience. Other friends are a bit more conservative. I don't think you need all these different personas, just sometimes the volume of your personality is different depending on the setting/company. That's ok.

🙄🤔
Lots of dripfeeding about your "friend" there.
Why?
(Friend written like that deliberately as you clearly don't like her, enough to mean girl message organisers and try to create drama in a perfectly fine meet up group and that's not even touching on your self esteem issues)
Even if she is nasty/homophobic (doubtful though as seems like a massive dripfeed to get people on side) you do realise that you're both adults, right?!
(Presumably)
You don't have to mingle at the get together. Stop trying to haul everyone else into your weirdness and need for drama.

This made me laugh out loud.... "my designer side" like half Chanel half George at Asda....

Sorry OP... your 'comedy side' is winning today...

I miss the 😂 reaction sometimes

The OP's definitely not ok with it as this isn't her first thread about having no friends.

'my bohemian friend, knows about my arty side, my party side, my designer side, my religious side, and my corporate side.' You do sound really anxious. You are displaying 'sides' to specific people, to fit in with them rather than standing out alone and saying here I am, this is me, like it or not, I move my own way through life. No matter what way you are explaining it to yourself, this is a self-esteem issue.

I think it’s pretty normal to behave in different ways either different people I believe it’s called “flexing”.

I thought flexing meant showing off?

My skinny persona thinks I should have a salad for lunch but my badass cool girl persona wants a burger. God I'm so complex.

Oh christ

I mean I never, almost never say this on here, but you need therapy of some sort

We all have different facets to ourselves, its no biggie

Unless you work for MI5, you are just bog standard person with some various interests.

In the nicest way, you are nothing special.

Stop the naval gazing and categorisation. Its unhealthy

What are you teaching your child?

On this thread OP has an 18 year old and a 15 year old. On her thread about whether or not to take a cruise she has a six year old. No mention of the older ones, just several references to a party of three. I think I'm beginning to see why the older ones wouldn't want to join their mom on vacation.

But you’re not ok with it or you wouldn’t be looking to extend your social circle.

You actually sound really difficult.

You’re not that unique, we all present differently in different social situations, and you trying to box people into where YOU think they belong will leave you isolated.

Also confused how you could bring yourself to say this about a nasty, judgemental, homophobic woman?

"I also explained there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her and she’s lovely but I just want a completely separate friend group."

As PPs have said, all you had to do was back out by saying something's come up at the last minute.

Sue Townsend once said that people didn't realise how close she was to being him 😂 Wonderful woman, gone much too soon.

Then what's the thread all about? 🤷‍♂️

You've constantly referred to her as your friend all the way through, and now it turns out she's a nasty, judgemental homophobe, you're saying she's not really your friend?

Confusing.

As she s a homophobic twat. I wouldn't give a monkeys what she thought. Go along, be civil but talk to other people. As she pushed you as to why you work speaking to her. I would tell her that you didn't appreciate her comments on homosexuality and leave it at that.

I think you should explore therapy again for your rigidity and lack of self confidence and your failure to think in a developmentally appropriate way ie like a middle aged woman and not a particularly short fused y8 girl. Objectively you must know it’s weird (by which I mean narcissistic and self destructive) to message a “I’m not going if she’s going” message in these circumstances.
Why did you consciously choose to make Dull Doris seem so insufferable to someone she doesn’t know of barely knows and make yourself look so childish rather than just say “sorry I’m not going to be able to make this after all. Hope you all have a great time”?

God you sound insufferable. You’ve been friendly enough with the woman to watch Eurovision together but you don’t want to talk to her at this public event? Gross. Frankly I’m not surprised you mention your friend circle is nonexistent. Real friends do not treat people as props in their main character syndrome. Take a good look at yourself. It’s common for certain personalities to have both an overinflated ego at the same time as crippling insecurities. Therapy could address this.
Most mature adults evolve to have diverse interests and traits. Why not just be yourself, instead of performative facades to try to fit in with groups you’ve decided you want to befriend.
I’m actually unsure if I’m addressing a 14 year old here…

Then if she's just a superficial friend stop worrying about her being at the same thing as you!

I honestly don’t get why would wouldn’t just go, mingle and make new friends?

I remember way back when my kids started school. I knew some of the school mums from nursery, NCT etc but met loads of new ones. Some I really clicked with and we went out partying together etc. We still met up all together with the ones who were less adventurous sometimes.

It’s fine to have different friends that overlap different groups.