Small town problems!

There is not feeling your age and there is being a bit desperate to be young and cool... like hanging around teenage boys giving them alcohol.
Reverse this... middle aged man likes having around daughters teenage friends giving them cocktails after 6th form.

My 91 year old dad confided he was worried that one day he might get old 🤣🤣

When I was at uni there was a woman in her mid 30s who worked in a pub with one of my housemates. She was always trying to hang out with us and telling us how wild she was and how she could drink more than us, was always the last one dancing etc. We all just found her really weird and wondered why she had no friends her own age and why she wanted to go out with 20 year olds she had nothing in common. It was tragic.

I mean i don't feel old enough to be almost 60 but here we are !

I think you’re focussing too much on how different you think you are, you don’t realise that you’re not different at all. You seemed to be shocked that an engineer could like snowboarding and rock music, not only are those things not mutually exclusive, they’re also a bit of a cliche. Nobody just has one side to their personality.

I has an only friend a bit like you, seems to be stuck in the 90/00s and school days as it was the best time of her life. She hangs out with people younger than her, tries to get into what the kids like (but gets it a bit wrong), maybe a bit like your husband head to toe in holister!! A lot happened to her over the years and I don’t think she likes her life and the adult she became so like to regress. Does this ring any bells with you?

Unless this new club is for swinging or something why would you care that Mary from the school gates finds out you’re into raving / dungeons and dragons / showing off your handbag collection?

No one "feels" like they're old enough to be an adult. It's a very common feeling.

However, though, we all are.

Honestly messaging the organiser has made you look like you're a big drama person.

This.

Most people would go either be polite but focused on new people or glad to see a friendly face and still mingle.

I think I would feel as uncomfortable around the OP as I would around Amanda from Motherland (whether she's in her "designer" persona and clutching her 3K straw bag or in her PJs).

Maybe Doris will meet a whole load of new friends and no longer want to hang out with you. Job done.

OP you remind me of Kendra Licari - the mother in the Netflix documentary Unknown Number: The High School Catfish.

She also hung out with her teen daughter's friends 😳

BTW I never said I consider my kids’ friends my friends, just that I’m friendly with them. Something my parents never did for example.

No you didn't.

You said you 'hang out' with them.

Look, just go (if the organiser will have you now).

Be friendly with other people, say to your 'friend' , if she clings or questions , 'this is a great opportunity to meet new people , in a new context' and be yourself.

Just do it.

Maria, is that you?

Ah, you’re “not a regular mum, you’re a cool mum”.
Got it.

Get over yourself.

OP, genuine question, don’t you think you’re too old for all this “sides” shit now?

I can kind of relate as when I was in my early twenties, and unsure of who I was, I presented different sides of myself to different people.

Now in my late 40’s, I’m comfortable and confident in my own skin and present an authentic person to whoever I meet. So everyone who knows me knows that I’m a mum, a wife, have a corporate job, like going out and having fun, also like staying at home with a book, love girls weekends, also love family holidays. And frankly, I couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks about my choices.

This. A “I’m unfortunately no longer able to attend” would suffice.

But OP, that doesn’t make them YOUR friends, they’re your child’s friends. They see you as their friend’s mum.

I had an amazing mum who my friends would happily chat away with. She was good fun and always there to provide a listening ear if they had problems. But that doesn’t mean she thought they were her mates.

If she’d started talking about them as if they were her friends, or thought they’d come to hang out with her I’d have found that extremely odd.

Sorry but you sound weird.

I think your husband and son are rights that it's almost unavoidable that you'll end up mixing in the same groups.

But also you are overthinking this. If you don't mind her, then it's not an issue. The dynamic will be dictated by the group, not her. You can still say hi to her and quickly drift towards other people, it's natural in big groups and she shouldn't have an issue with this (if she does it's her problem).

I think you need to grow up or maybe develop a parenting persona

My kids have fabulous friends, many of whom spent loads of time in our house, came on holidays, visited our holiday house, before they went off to uni, and many of them still come back. Now that they're starting to get married we've been to their weddings. I know what music they like, what food they like, what their interests are, what their careers are, met new partners. We've been hiking, boating, out for meals, played board games and tennis and horseshoes, seen movies and concerts and plays. But they're not my friends, they're my kids' friends. I hope they know they could come to me if they needed something, but, ultimately, we're not friends.

A requirement that I have for my friends (the ones who drink, as I have several who don't) is they have outgrown this we all share a love for buzzballs and know what a decent cocktail is.

You're both adults. You're both allowed to go wherever you want, as well as extending your friendship circle outside of the one you already have. Clearly she wishes to do so too, or else she wouldn't go to everything as you've said. No harm in saying "good to see you here, this is a good way to make new friends", and strike up conversations elsewhere.

Op is sO QuiRkY