Small town problems!

My mum wears Hobbs and she’s 87.

lol this has got to be one of the most honest posts I have seen in a long time. I usually think AI but this I believe. We all have different sides to our personalities whether we admit it, choose to conceal it or not. I understand that you were disappointed that the person in your group also signed up for the evening and you don't want to be judged by what people perceive you to be, and then be something that they don't think you are really - but you are doing this to your 'lovely' friend too, pre-judging.

Do you feel that you have been caught out and the other friends will feel like they are not good enough if they find out you are 'going out behind their backs'? This is a very schoolgirl throwback attitude but in a small town, you don't want to alienate people. Just do your thing tonight and talk to others and just say hi and move on when you see the other friend. She is there for the same reasons I suspect.

I read it as the husband being trapped twenty years in the past, like her. It's a specific early 2000s look, which is now so old it's starting to come back into fashion again. But it sounds like the husband never evolved from it in the first place. I imagine there's been a hair transplant and copious amounts of dye involved 😂

Interesting that they both seem stuck in the past like this.

TK Maxx, Uniqlo and Halara here today.

This thread is fascinating...

What you describe isn't "hanging out" it's being welcoming to guests in your home. It's the same principle as offering someone a cup of tea and asking them how their holiday was.

Since reading all posts, I take back 'weirdest' - didn't realise you were on the spectrum but this makes sense (seems like you mirror peple hence why you like to have separate groups ect.)
Just go and enjoy yourself.

I'm not trying to be mean. And I'm not saying your life has to narrow to just your kids, because you're a mum. Or that you're over the hill in your forties. But you're chasing youth in a way that is just sad. Even the younger people you're out with are probably thinking that in the back of their heads. Them especially, to be honest, because when you're young you can be just brutal in your perception of what is "old". Would it bother you to find yourself in a group who smile to your face and think you're a bit tragic behind your back?

To give you an example: "flexing" does not mean behaving differently around different groups of people. It means subtly showing off. You not knowing this is the kind of thing that is going to make young people laugh at you, or feel like they're on a night out with their mum.

Mind you, if you're joking with your 15 year old daughter about how you want to be a 365 gakked-out party girl like Charli XCX . . . it sounds like you're already there and you just don't know it. I would have died of cringe if my mum said that to me at fifteen! What next, are you going to start tagging along on her nights out? Getting the ket in for her?

I know you want us to think you're the cool girl trapped among squares, but honestly, you come off as desperate to recapture the glory days. It's weird.

Well you say that but today Im dressed head to toe in Tu, my favourite fashion house.

I wont let the neighbours see me like this though.

I present as Hobbs when outside the house, just for the larks.

Yes, you are right. Given what the OP says about herself I'm not surprised that she doesn't have many friends.

I’m just imagining what the organiser must have made of your messages. Why did you feel the need to create a drama by telling her all the reasons you didn’t want to go? She must have felt so awkward.

I've just had to Google Hollister catalogue 😁
What with my mental image earlier of "I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom", I've now got this one lol

We know who she is because she's told us in very specific detail how crazy and quirky and rebellious she and her husband are. She even alluded that they have done drugs before 😮 It's hard for very normal non-special people like most posters to answer but we're doing our best.

My husband is a walking jumble sale 😁

My husband for example is a walking Hollister catalogue

Jesus. How old is he? How embarrassing.

I totally get you op, in regards to the way you act around different people. I have friends I go walks with/for lunch with and don't drink. Then I have couple friends we let our hair down with and are up till daft o clock. Then there's people I'm friends with myself but more reserved. If I was planning in my head to go to a meet up to meet new people, I think it would throw me off too if someone I knew already was going who is someone I'm more reserved around.

Chances are if you both go, youl end up getting close to different people anyway so I'd still go.

Just be yourself, and try to rub along with everyone.

All the talk of different personas seems very high school to me. Small community living requires a degree of authenticity and civility.

Oh OP you are getting a hard time. Everyone here seems to know who you are and what you should be doing instead.
What a wise and sensible lot. Heh.

I think even the 'Chavs' gave up on Hollister well over a decade ago.

Probably over 15 year ago really.

My husband for example is a walking Hollister catalogue and deffo parties hard when he can.

So?

My husband's like a walking Zegna shop and likes vintage reds. What difference does that make?

Your autism was quite the drip feed. You would have had a different set of replies if you had stated that in your first post. I spent most of the thread thinking you were a little too self important and that you thought you were better than most people until I read that.

I'm not sure the replies would've been different?

You can have autism and still be too self important/think you're better than others.

It's not always an either/or thing.

Just googled 'Hollister Catalogue" so the husband is a chav?

This is one of the weirdest posts I've seen - why would you message the organiser saying you're not coming as someone else is coming...I'm sure the organiser doesn't want to be involved or even remotely care. Just go and make new friends :)

I agree i was just comenting that nobody really feels their age most act it though.

@Givenup2026 Your autism was quite the drip feed. You would have had a different set of replies if you had stated that in your first post. I spent most of the thread thinking you were a little too self important and that you thought you were better than most people until I read that.

Although, it is very clear that you look down upon your ex "friend"

Just be yourself. You will behave differently in different scenarios. That's normal. We all do.

My husband for example is a walking Hollister catalogue and deffo parties hard when he can

What does partying hard mean? Too much alcohol? Lines of coke? Other drugs? Swinging?

Given that you have older teenagers shouldn't you have grown out of that by now?

Sorry, OP, but from your other posts, I'm gleaning that you're in your forties, at least? (There's one where you talk about crashing a uni party in your mid-thirties, as if it happened quite a long time ago.)

But you want to be "a party animal" and get trashed on drink and drugs with people at least ten years younger than you. You buy designer clothes I'm guessing you saw on TikTok, even though you have nowhere to wear them to. You're open to doing drugs (though you haven't in a "loooonng" time) and then going back to your normal life of dropping the kids to school the next day. You don't see anything wrong with this.

Sorry, but this is all just tragic. I'm guessing the reason you want to avoid your friend is that she thinks this too - and so does everyone who actually knows you. So you're left trying to adopt a "persona" with people who don't. But you know eventually they'll figure out your circumstances too, right? And look at you the same way? The only reason you have fun when you travel for work is that the people you're meeting are just out for the night. They don't know or care who you are, really, and most of them probably assume you're younger or don't have kids. You can't replicate that kind of double life in a small town.