Small town problems!

I hope no one who saw it turned up at your Dacia-driving Valentino-wearers group.

How will they reconcile the two yous?

If ever there is a time to put on a ‘different persona’ it’s with your kids if you’re into that sort of thing. Sure there’s probably many parents who take drugs etc, but involving your kids in it is when you’re crossing the line into bad parenting.

Everyone is just nitpicking at the OP now, 15 year olds like Charlie XCX it's hardly the same thing as shoving a note up your child's nose, and lots of Americans I know who have lived her for 20 years still use Americanisms.

But if it was natural then wouldn’t it have stayed consistent?

Are you American? I can’t think of any reason to speak in American English or with an accent if you aren’t.

English isn’t my DP’s first language and he learnt a lot watching American programmes on tv growing up. When he moved to England 15 years ago he used a lot of American words to start with but l when he learnt the English he used that instead because there was no reason not to.

He has lived here long enough he doesn’t need to try to type in English it just comes naturally from how he speaks. If you aren’t originally from this country which one are you from and how long have you lived here for? If you have lived here a long time then I don’t see why you’d have to try to type in British, surely it comes naturally?

Right.
The reality is that if you live in a small town, the only way to find your crowd is to go to lots of things. If you start limiting yourself like this, you are limiting your chances.

I expect if his ankle was a slice of ham, he couldn't make a sandwich.

There's nothing sweet about someone's Mum encouraging coke use to their 15 yo.

Do you mean because you’re American?

or you just “speak American English” for a different reason?

After reading all your updates, I'm unclear if the main issue is:

• You think your friend doesn't "party" as hard as you think you do and therefore you don't want her there letting the side down.
• Your friend doesn't dress the same as you and for some reason you think you need to "match".
• You want to pretend to be someone else in front of your cool new friends and are worried your friend will "out" you as something other than a super-cool 24 hour party person.
• You are embarrassed to have more than one friend.

So did I, but somehow ended up looking at colostomy bags. Clearly I’m too old and uncool to view actual Hollister…

You’ve said you don’t have many friends so that’s not weird at all and no reason why the other person would think so. You sound like you just want to be the main character - im pretty sure you are overestimating the thought that this other person gives you or what you do.

sorry but it sounds like you need to grow up and get on with your own life (or multiple lives as you seem to claim 🙄)

You must have missed the "Fall 2009" trend that was huge in October of last year. Or the "2016" revival doing the rounds at the minute!

We're all hideously aged, I'm afraid. I'm mid-thirties and meeting people who were born after 9/11 was my turning point, personally. That was a few years ago. It's just kept accelerating since 😂

OP reminds me of someone I used to be friends with but I started feeling so exhausted and embarrassed by her behaviour I had to end the friendship.

She has teenage girls and is in her 40’s and it’s like she’s desperate to be seen as part of their friend group.

She copies slang they use, buys alcohol for them, gives them sex tips, smokes weed with them and it oozes desperation and immaturity.
Her daughters stopped having friends round because my friend wouldn’t leave them alone and was desperate to join in conversations, if she heard them planning a night out or a trip away she would expect to be invited.
She paid for some of her daughter’s friends to go on holiday with them then wanted to go out clubbing with them and called me in tears saying she felt left out when they went out without telling her. After that she latched onto the club rep in her twenties who was paid to show interest in her and thought they had struck up a deep friendship and commented how she got on with someone younger so much better because they were on the same wavelength. She swapped phone numbers and texted and called her constantly when she got home and invited her to stay with her. When the rep didn’t reply she became obsessed checking she was online and became very depressed and couldn’t handle the rejection, it was very intense and strange and I bet the rep was completely freaked out.
She started bragging about “snap chat streaks” with her kids friends and kept posting pictures with herself with them on insta.

She wasn’t always like that, she used to be quite a sensible woman who didn’t drink and would have judged someone behaving similar to how she is now.
When I was in my twenties and was wild and irresponsible her children were young and she used to say she was glad she was happy and settled and was old before her time, on her hen night she didn’t drink and went to bed at 10.30, her other “mum friends” were similar and very disapproving that I wanted to stay out later and carry on drinking.

It’s like she got bored of her personality and created a new one and she describes herself at fortyteen which makes me cringe so hard.
She also seems desperate to shock people and thinks they are in awe of her when they are actually just confused.

I loved a pps description of saying OP sounds like Pertunia - Brenda’s mum from dinnerladies, I think that’s quite fitting.

I noticed OP using “pissed” instead of “pissed off” and used “Mom” to start with but then reverts to “mum” when she mentioned the mean girls reference.
This is like teenagers using Americanisms because they think it sounds cool.
It made me think of Joey in friends trying to be a 19 year old.

OP you are trying too hard and you might think people think you are this crazy wacky person who is not like the other adults but it comes across as desperation to be admired.
Your “crazy” anecdotes about talking to strangers in a club and a wake being a bit lively are no different to most peoples lives and didn’t have anyone admiring you and feeling envious that we aren’t as complex and and interesting as you.

I sound harsh but your mention of designer clothes being a personality trait screams insecurity like a teenager desperate for the right clothes to blend in - that’s not a compliment and doesn’t mean you could play a 19 year old!
Bragging about partying and taking drugs also reminds me of teenagers desperate to rebel and be admired by peers.

Stop trying so hard and just be you, as multiple people have posted, everyone has different sides to themselves because they learn different behaviour is appropriate for different situations but they are the same person underneath.

If you want friends you need to be authentic, good friendships are built on trust and respect and you don’t have to have every single thing in common or be the same to get on with someone.
People will see through the act you are putting on and are more likely to talk about you than to you.

You may have a point. 😂

Well now I'm even more baffled.

Does your husband wear shoes with no socks and ankle grazing white skinnies as well?

It's a specific early 2000s look, which is now so old it's starting to come back into fashion again

2000s is now so old it's starting to come back into fashion again?! 😭
Ok, that's it I'm officially old and done with this thread 🤣

Until 18 months ago I drove a Zegna edition Maserati Quattroporte, but would pick the kids up in it dressed from the 5 items for £2 rail at the community centre.

Funny, I don't get the feel of someone who genuinely believes themselves 'better'. I get the opposite.
The OP sounds like someone who has spent much time with her nose pressed against the window watching what the 'cool people' were up to but never feeling she could be part of it.
Now in later life she is going all out to reinvent herself as the type of person who does all these things. Making comparisons between her cool wild self and boring people is to hammer this home. As is all the detail about the fun, youthful lifestyle she and her husband live.
OP is painting a picture to us of the self she has always wanted to be.

No-one this down wiv da kidz would call it a 'boombox' 😬

I don’t understand why you can’t attend and just be yourself with her there? People can take you as they find you, stop worrying!

This whole thread is just bizarre. You sound like a teenager. Not an adult with grown up kids.