Small town problems!

FFS what awkwardness?

So what's your plan now for when your friend finds out?

You don't sound very flexing if you weren't prepared to have a group night out as your "friend", whom you'd prefer not to see, was included.

I have had this exact scenario, and I live in a tiny village ffs. It can all be negotiated with grace- when my, erm, "special friend" and I discovered we were both going to be at the same party, with someone we both knew through our kids but from different circles, we merely got our back stories about how we knew each other straight, both went and had a highly enjoyable time.

At my 50th I had everyone from my teetotal Christian friends to my fellow hedonistic ravers of the 1990s, via eco protesters and members of the Parish Council. Everyone got on like a house on fire, and many new friendships were forged.

If you're living in a small community OP, you have to accept that you can't have hermetically separate social circles, and that there's going to be a great deal of overlap. Oh, and that everyone has many different personas!

I gave up all that crap in junior school. You're an adult now. If you're out in the world of work you have to accept that you will work with people you aren't that keen on. The same goes for an organised night out. If you hadn't wanted to go, you should have simply backed out - no need to explain to the organiser you had and issue with your "friend". Why involve the organiser? And you wonder why you have few friends? Get over yourself and get out and have good time.

I think there's some details missing in your post, it makes no sense. I can't fathom what you are asking or what the problem is. Looks like the post we can see starts half way through a second paragraph, mid-sentence?

This.

Why are you not addressing how incredibly inappropriate it was to email the organiser about her instead of just saying you couldn't make it. As its a small town you have to be aware she'll likely find out, and on top of that the organisers no doubt will feel they've dodged a massive bullet with you pulling out after that display of teenager-like behaviour on your part.

You’re in a group, so you’re not restricted to just this one person. How do you know she’s not secretly wanting a bit more of a fun crowd, surely if they seem as wild as you suggest and that wasn’t her cup of tea she wouldn’t be going

I find your reasonings weird. What will happen now is your friend will expand her circle and you wouldn’t have. If your aim is to make friends then you’re going about it the wrong way. Most of my friends I’ve met through other friends. I have 3 friendship groups and occasionally they mix. I have 2 friends in 2 groups I socialise with who meet up with a separate group of girls I don’t know. But they don’t socialise together with me.

You sound like dodecahedron with pretensions.

There is one in 'The Phantom Tollbooth'!
A Sparks Notes page on it is quite an interesting tangent
"Milo asks which fork he should take to get to Digitopolis, and the Dodecahedron responds with a series of increasingly ridiculous story problems. When Milo points out how silly they are, the Dodecahedron remarks, "as long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong? Then he explains that none of the three roads is right and points out that it was foolish of Milo to assume that just because there were three choices one of them was right."

OP, it sounds as if you think you have 'settled' for your friend, don't want to change things, but would go full steam ahead to do that if there were better or more glamorous friends out there. Sometimes it's transparent when people are career climbing and do something of this kind, not uncommon but at work, not especially personal. Maybe finding it tricky to make lasting and more personal friendships just 'in town' is partly down to people being able to sniff this characteristic out.

Dear OP,

I read a few of your posts; I wonder if you're overthinking and worrying about what your friend thinks (and making awkward moves in this area) because you have a neuro divergent brain? (Like me)..... Though I appreciate that could just be a projection

What an absolute dick you are dont go and let the other person make friends because she needs to drop you asap

Yes, but would you miss a night out with others just because one of them was also going to be there? That’s very different from saying you wouldn’t deliberately organise a whole night out with that group of people.

And would you then send messages to the organiser saying you were having to pull out because you’d found out that woman was attending?

This is all sounding quite borderline / npd, if I'm honest. I've known a few.

well chosen user name

Omg there's some wankers around today. I totally get what you mean. I have some nice Friends who are school mum friends. I like them, I enjoy coffee and days out but when it comes to a night out they aren't the people I would want to do that with.

This woman would beg to differ

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Three_Faces_of_Eve

You sound like dodecahedron with pretensions.

In actual fact you're just a normal person with different interests. Nobody parties 24/7; people are typically more conformist at work; nobody shows their "religious side" all the time unless they're a nun or a vicar; most people have hobbies which are different to their job; most women are additionally a mum or a daughter or an aunt. Doesn't mean they have multiple different "sides" or "personae".

I think you need to get over yourself a bit.

Everything is bigger and better when it comes to OP!

The thread will be withdrawn soon because she didn’t hear what she expected aka “feared it would be outing”.