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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Small town problems!

436 replies

Givenup2026 · 23/01/2026 07:22

as I don’t have that many friends, I’m trying out myself out there. There’s a FB group where people post and organise meet-ups. Somebody posted about meeting this Saturday, and I was one of the first ones to reply.

For better or for worse, my friend (who I’m trying to extend / separate) my non existent friend group also replied. So then I had to separately message the organiser telling her I really wanted to go but won’t go anymore to avoid any awkwardness. I also explained there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her and she’s lovely but I just want a completely separate friend group.

i talked to my DH and 15yo and they both agreed it would had been awkward to attend, but that considering we’re in a smallish town, it will
keep happening. So I could try and have an open and frank conversation with her, but that it would invariably misconstrued.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? They also seemed like a proper party crowd (the organiser even told me she is) and that’s something that I’m looking for.

of course I could go and semi ignore her but I think it would be worse!

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 23/01/2026 07:37

Why would you attend with a ‘different persona’? Who are pretending to be?
You don’t need to ignore her, you just explain you are hoping to extend your friendship group and want to mix.

it’s a small town, you are bound to bump into people who you already know.

Givenup2026 · 23/01/2026 07:37

magicalmadmadamim · 23/01/2026 07:30

So simply you just don't like this other girl right?

No, it’s not necessarily that I don’t like her, but for the most part she’s now boxed in the “sensible / double dates” box,

I do like going a bit wild (as wild as you can as not a lot happens here!) but she does t really drink, so it’s a completely different vibe.

i like to dress up, etc… as I don’t have a chance due to what I do being stuck at home all the time, and she doesn’t, so it’s always a bit of a mismatch.

OP posts:
Tulcan · 23/01/2026 07:36

I agree with @FOJN. You should have just gone. Or just messaged the woman and said something had come up and you can’t come anymore.

You can hide your posts on Facebook so you can remain friends but they can’t see your posts.

SoManyTshirts · 23/01/2026 07:35

It’s hard to perform multiple personas in a small town. I grew up in a small town but now live in a medium sized city - everybody knows someone in common. Three degrees of separation at best. I’d look at integrating your personality traits a bit more, are you trying too hard to fit in different environments? It’s OK to act appropriately e.g. at school gate but you don’t have to present as a Stepford wife.
(Sorry if this sounds unhelpful- it’s not meant to be, I’m rushing. I’d have gone to the group event anyway).

Boredoflunch1 · 23/01/2026 07:34

You can't control other people's behaviour, only your own.

Givenup2026 · 23/01/2026 07:32

EvangelineTheNightStar · 23/01/2026 07:25

What do you mean you’re looking for a “proper party crowd” here that would be subtext for drugs and alcohol!
the party organisers will either be “emm ok” or. “Phew that’s an escape” at the message from an adult re not wanting a woman they know to come to the group!

Deffo alcohol in this case. I doubt it would be drugs but you never know.

it could certainly be a 365 party girl like the Charli XCX song (that was the whole joke I had with my daughter).

OP posts:
magicalmadmadamim · 23/01/2026 07:30

So simply you just don't like this other girl right?

FOJN · 23/01/2026 07:30

You can't control who attends a meet up organised on FB and now you've made yourself look weird by messaging the organiser about why you are no longer going. I'm not sure why it would be awkward to attend, is there tension between you and the "friend" you're trying to avoid or are you just annoyed you can't exclude her?

Givenup2026 · 23/01/2026 07:25

Wisterical · 23/01/2026 07:24

Why can't you both go?

We could, but I don’t want to talk to her, plus I want to attend as a different “persona” if that makes any sense.

OP posts:
EvangelineTheNightStar · 23/01/2026 07:25

What do you mean you’re looking for a “proper party crowd” here that would be subtext for drugs and alcohol!
the party organisers will either be “emm ok” or. “Phew that’s an escape” at the message from an adult re not wanting a woman they know to come to the group!

Wisterical · 23/01/2026 07:24

Why can't you both go?