Small town problems!

Well then, you’ll soon find out this new group aren’t your cup of tea and you will move on so your friend will be able to attend the meet ups without you. End of problem.

Is it simply that she wants to go to an open event in town and let her hair down, but knows someone else who’ll be there, who she thinks will either cramp her style or be judgemental?

She thinks her options are not to go after all, go and semi ignore the other woman, or speak to the other woman in advance and try to persuade her not to go. At least that’s how I interpreted it.

Is it a swingers club?

Erm, this is rather odd. Just be yourself. You don’t need to compartmentalise your persona.

Of course you’re different at work, everyone is a more professional version of themselves at work or a quieter version at the school gates. But socially just be you.

Is this some creative writing assignment? Because it doesn’t sound real nor does the OP’s written English come across as an uber corporate lady. Maybe she’s writing in one of her other personas.

So why not go, and go wild with the new friends regardless? She'll likely find people in the group more akin to her level of fun, or she'll simply decide it's not for her and not come again.

If she kicks off at you for joining in with what the group was doing, you can gently point out that this is what the group was for and you were simply enjoying yourself.

Or, maybe she also wants to try out a "different persona" and that's why she wants to go? Just because you've boxed her as "sensible" doesn't mean that's what she sees herself as.

I’d go and focus on chatting to the people I didn’t know, if new friends was my goal. There’s no guarantee that new friends you make won’t be friends with your existing ones, particularly in a small town anyway!

Yabu, making friends can be hard but youve just made it harder by messaging the organiser and making it weird - why does she care about your issue/non issue with the other person?! Youve put a 'drama' flag against yourself imo.

I also dont understand going as a different persona - to form lasting friendships you need to show up as yourself, so what if your friend sees you letting your hair down - i have sensible friends i dont judge them nor they me.

I think youre over complicating it - join the groups, get out and have a good time. You dont have to ignore your friend, but let her know youre going to drink, dance and talk to as many new people as you can so she knows what to expect. And in future just tell the organiser yiu can no longer attend, no one wants the backstory of someone elses friendship dramas unless they are 14 😬

Sorry I keep adding bits, but also, there might well be people who go to the event who are just like your friend. You can't control other people or who you might run into, especially in a small town. So definitely go anyway! Now all that's happened is that your friend is going and you aren't. Definitely just go and have fun

I must be thick because I cannot make head nor tale of what you are trying to say!

Gauche to message the organisers to say you can’t attend because you know someone.

Or a blatant attempt for them to exclude her.

You live in a small town and yet are surprised that you know people attending the same event.

The group might end up doing much more stuff and your friend stops attending, then you'll have missed out! I'd go anyway

It all sounds thoroughly exhausting.

This ^

Go anyway and have fun, she can do whatever she wants in the future!

She sounds either incredibly lonely or possibly has a miserable home life she regularly needs to escape from>

It's a bit odd, this person is school mum or similar? The only people I would care that much about is those I worked with in a professional capacity perhaps.

You do sound but bit like a mean girl messaging the organiser like that, it wasn't necessary.

It’s strange you say you have a 15 year old, but yet you’re acting like a teenager yourself. Just go and ignore/be civil but not over friendly to whoever you don’t want to speak to? And why do you want to be a different persona? This is all so weird.

I think you should go, make sure she knows that you are looking forward to mingling and meeting new people to extend your group. Then do it- if she's joining in, she might be looking for the same, she might surprise you with being outside of a couple too! But if she doesn't, the chances of her keeping up with a party group if she's not a drinker are slim anyway, and you've missed your chance to be part of the group if you don't go.

I see. I would say you best bet would be to maybe invite her along the first time, if it's not her scene she will probably stop going after the first get together. Do you think she is one of those types that would try and cling to you the whole time rather than go off and mingle?
I can understand its awkward.

If your quieter friend also replied to the Facebook group, doesn't that suggest she also wants to attend the event, so is happy for it to be a bit wild? I'm confused why she'd reply too if she wasn't that type of person