Small town problems!

Maybe I’m missing something but I don’t understand what you wanting to party, dress up, etc. has to do with someone else who doesn’t. Go to the
meet up, be yourself, dress how you like and she will do the same. You don’t really need to match. I also think it was strange that you messaged the organiser.

I was thinking this. OP doesn't really sound mature enough to have a child that age. All this stuff about different personas and all that is how I was when I was 15. By the time you're grown up with kids of your own at a certain age (adjusting to motherhood can be tough but by the time they're 15, most people have managed it), you've generally reconciled the fact that people are multi faceted and it really isn't this big, incredibly deep and fragile thing.

Yes, bet the organiser on receiving that message be like ooookay....<backing away slowly> 😁

I dont think people are missing the point at all but it makes no sense. Why would your friend not want you to make new friends when she herself is wanting to make new friends?! I've not come acrosd jealousy of people having other mates since about year 8, why do you think she cares? My best friend has taken up am dram as a way of making new friends. Im happy for her, i went to watch her show and met some of them, theyre not necessary 'my people' but thats ok, they were nice enough. She is still my best friend! I cannot wrap my head around this at all tbh. Its just a night out - go or dont go, its not that big of a deal

All those "sides" are you though.
Not "different personas", you've got an incredibly strange way of looking at things.
Why do you have to separate out each thing you like into separate parts with different people?
True friends would like you for who you are.

You understand that everyone is like this, right? Everyone puts on their work face etc. No one is shocked that you like to dress up when you go out but do the school run in jogging bottoms.

Messaging the organiser will have made her think you like drama and comes across as very mean girl. If someone messaged me saying they couldn't come to something because another woman was going and then caveated it loads about how she's perfectly nice I would assume she was a massive cunt or had shagged her husband, so you've fucked your "boring" mate over (so boring she goes to loads of different events even if they aren't her thing) and made yourself look slightly mad.

Unless you're planning to get your tits out and then vomit six pints of Shires in the Bull and don't want any witnesses - and as you're in a small town it'll get around anyway - you're being incredibly weird about this.

This is bizarre. I imagine most people feel very uncomfortable around you.

Are you sure you do have a 15yo child?

It's not a small town problem, it's a YOU problem

I had to separately message the organiser telling her I really wanted to go but won’t go anymore to avoid any awkwardness
Honestly, how old are you. You just created the awkwardness.

If you are that insecure about the image you think you are showing, just go away for the weekend and be the "fun party girl" where no one knows you, I am sure you can find destinations easily, from Ibiza to Las Vegas via Magalluf.

It sounds like your small town is not the right set up for such a superior being as you are 😂

(and no, I am not jealous, I do the school run in muddy leggins just as much as in a designer suit or a sequin skirt, depending on my mood and what my day plans are)

Why did you feel the need to justify that though? No one cares what you wear or why you wear those clothes. You say you don’t care what people think of you but your whole thread is about how you think people perceive you when they probably don’t give it any brain space

it does sound like you are suffering from main character syndrome

Exactly, talk about hard work.

Having different personas is utter nonsense. Just go along, be yourself, talk to her if you want to, or not.
Why are you so over-invested in what she’s doing?

This is very strange - why does this mean you can't be yourself with other people? Honestly messaging the organiser has made you look like you're a big drama person.

You sound crackers, sorry 😁
You want to make friends, already have a friend but you don't want to talk to her if she comes, and you want to attend as "a different persona?"
How about being your true self, instead of putting on an act? You'll find you make friends more easily if you're "you" instead of trying to impress or be someone you're not.
awaits dripfeed of multiple personalities IS really you and I'm discriminating against your inner Sally or something

Yesterday I picked DD up from nursery on a massive baggy t-shirt, leggings and big woolly socks over the top of them, hair on top of my head and no make up.

The day before I picked her up in full office dress, make up, hair done properly etc.

It doesn't matter whether the nursery run friends or the nursery staff see me as "WFH, scruffy mum" or "corporate mum" because they're both me. I don't worry that they'll think differently of me on the days I have to drop and run to get the train down to the London office for the day Vs the days I stroll down in leggings.

It doesn't matter if work friends see me with no make up or in a hoody rather than my jacket.

It doesn't matter if my dog walking friends, who usually see me in wellies with a very mucky puppy see me on a night out.

All of these people are aware that there's more to me than what they see, because that's how humans work.

Just be whoever you are wherever you are, as long as you're behaving appropriately.

If this group likes partying and she doesn't then presumably she won't stick around in it for long.

If you’re ’friendless by choice and happy with it’ why are you going to an event to try and expand your social circle? This entire situation stinks of insecurity - if you were actually satisfied with yourself you would have no problem with this ‘friend’ (who you obviously dislike) attending.

As for ‘grown up teens’… 🤢 how tiresome.

Its exactly that! You even think of authenticity in terms of the costume you wear to perform the role 'here's me at the school gates in my PJs and parka, being ditzy cutey stereotype of the imperfect mum'.
Wherever you got the idea that the world is a stage, with you in the spotlight playing your role, you really should lose it.
You are wasting so much energy focusing on yourself 'here's me being wild at a student party at 30!!!' 'Here's me being so spontaneous in going out mode that I'm talking to people I've never met before!!!' 'here's me on MN shocking the boring mums by saying me and hubby do coke!!!' etc, you are missing out on the actual experiences themselves.
Turn your attention outwards and focus on what's happening rather than how well you're performing. Life is so much better.

At this event it is possible there would be more reserved people as well as party people. Your friend would either enjoy the party side of it even if participating more quietly or not go back. (Or maybe it is tamer than you are expecting and not for you).

You live in small town, there is no way to keep all of this seperate. Let your friend see the other side of you, it isnt the big deal you think it is.

I'm not a medic but it sounds to me that you're suffering from social anxiety. I think you should try to dial down all the brain work and hypothesising, which I think is simply anxiety.
You say you don't really have any friends . What you need to do is think what you enjoy doing as an interest and join a group that does that thing , ie walking group, singing , book group etcetera. Forget about yourself and do the activity. Then you can meet like-minded people.
You're obviously not a teenager.
All this stuff you're spurting is pretty confused and meaningless. It just doesn't matter.

That isnt what flexing means.

OP, just trying being honest and authentic about who you are - all the different sides of yourself. That way you will meet people who actually like you and/or share interests with you.

It sounds like you are trying to control people's perceptions of you so that you can fit in with each different group you're part of. You want the school mums to think you're just like them. You want the partygoers to think you're as careless and wild as they are. You find it 'awkward' when a friend from one group encounters you in a different context because you haven't been honest about who you are. I'm pretty sure anyone over the age of 13 has no objection to their friends having other friends - it sounds like you are the one who likes to keep everything categorised and separate.

I think you sound either very insecure or very narcissistic. Messaging the group about your friend was kind of shitty behaviour to be honest. I expect a lot of people keep you at arm's length because they can sense you are not really who you are pretending to be.

I'm sure it's just me, as PPs seem to have got it and responded, but I don't understand what you're on about. How do you 'extend/separate' a friend? What is an 'almost non-existent' friend? Why do you say you have, like, two personas and proceed to list four? Who did you 'explain' to in your OP?