Small town problems!

This is all very strange OP.

I live in a small town and regularly see the same people in different situations, I know nurses, teachers, carers, business owners, farmers, corporate execs and many of them behave or look differently in different situations, such as no make-up barely out of pyjamas on the school run, to corporate dress while chairing an 11am meeting, to full glam, embarrassing themselves on a dance floor at midnight! You can be many versions of yourself all at the same time, and at different times - "I'm a bitch I'm a lover, I'm a child I'm a mother, I'm a sinner I'm a saint and i do not feel ashamed...' as Meredith Brooks once said.

Its perfectly normal to have different 'you's' in different situations and to want to try different things, like your 'friend'. What's weird, is cutting your nose off to spite your face in some strange attempt to hide the party girl version of yourself from a 'friend' who seems to fully embrace different versions of herself.

You say small town problems but honestly…it sounds like you have personal small mind problems.

Even if your reason for not going made sense (it doesn't), you could have just said that you can no longer go - didn't need to drag others into your weirdness.

I haven’t met anyone like that since I was 16.

I suspect that's because they're not 16 any more but you think you still are.

I know a woman who people describe as "a 40 year old teenager". Even the people who like her say she hasn't changed since she was 16 and it's very, very wearing.

You sound bitchy and childish - there was absolutely no need to mention your "friend" to the organiser of the event. To be honest, you come across as very up yourself. I'm sure most people can cope with the idea that there are different facets to someone's personality.

You can't do that either. You can try, but it won't fool anyone.

Whence this delayed action adolescence?

You’ve still picked an age at which the prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed, which figures…

Sounds like she's bored and wants to get out more. Please let Her!

Also sounds like you don't like her - if so why are you hanging out with her so much?

The comment about the dealer is weird. I would not have known what to make of that.

You sound like a very average person doing normal everyday things that everyone does, but hugely overanalysing them. They're not 'personas' and you don't need to think of them as separate entities.

It’s borderline sociopathic, the way the OP writes reminds me of a girl that bullied me mercilessly at school.

Because navigating the adult world with a teenage mindset is incredibly restrictive and self destructive, as you are discovering.

Besides, if this really is what you're doing then it rather blows a hole in all your talk about being true to yourself and whatnot. A genuine person would not try to act like they are the age of their child.

Given all your updates, I think you just need to relax and stop portraying different sides and stop trying to control how you appear to people. Try being fully yourself…there is no need to change friendship groups to do that. Great that you want to expand your friendship group, but you are really not helping yourself by going about it the way you did.

This is how a teenager talks to another teenager, not how a mother talks to a child. Bizarre.

Of all the ages to stick at 15 must be the worst!!!

Well I think the main thing here is that it doesn't seem to be serving you very well...

Is the title Bronski Beat’s slightly disappointing follow up to their huge 80s hit Smalltown Boy?

Very weird read to me as I am autistic and have spent most of my life thinking about personas and trying to wear masks to fit in with various different groups of people that crop up in my life. I tried to work out why these groups of people all got on and how I could integrate myself into those groups.

When I got my diagnosis at 42 I dropped the mask, it wasn’t worth thinking about any more. Now I’m me in whatever/wherever situation I find myself in. I dress the same for a pub lunch out as I do for the school run. I am so much more comfortable and happy with myself now.

Some people here are saying that you’re overthinking - I don’t actually think that’s true - I think you’re generalising and allowing very little room for the fact that you are but one tiny insignificant cog in a very complex circuit that is your life. Your town has nothing to do with it. I grew up in a small town. I lived in central London for twelve years. The issues were the same. The issue was…well… me.

I'm not over analysing your clothing choices. I'm giving my opinion on the mind set you have revealed by your posts here.
You have told us you portray different personas in different circumstances. Which is fine if that makes you happy.
However, the feeling that you have to do this is now causing you some bother. You've made yourself look a bit daft to a woman you hoped to befriend, lost out on the new group, and run the risk someone will tell your friend you're not going because of her.
This is a whole heap of unfortunate things that were completely avoidable if you just reframed your thinking, stopped worrying about your image, and how you should perform, and just got on with your life.

So that's a them problem, not you.
You sound like you need to work on your self esteem and confidence - why are you hiding parts of yourself depending on who's company you're in?
Don't change for others, and what you think they want, or like.

But OP EVERYONE has lots of different facets to their personalities, not just you. No one is going to like every one single thing about you. My friends and I are all very different, we all love each other and irritate each other in minor ways. It doesn't matter...

How do you expect people to ‘get you’ when you don’t seem to get yourself? It sounds like you’re so busy trying to project a persona you don’t actually engage ‘authentically’

is it because everyone else has grown up, but you are stuck trying to be a 15yo?