Small town problems!

Sorry if my comment above is now irrelevant as the conversation has moved on. If it is, do ignore 🫣

Why don't you just be you?!
If she can't deal with it, then she can find a way to cope.
You never know, she may be in the same boat and really need to have a great time too?!
You never really know what others are dealing with despite what they say on the surface!
Just be you! Maybe even involve her! You might be surprised.

☝️🤌👏👏👏

I don't think I am misconstruing what you've said. Although I'll admit that sometimes the way you express yourself is quite confusing and muddled to my ears, so maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean.

Either way, YABU.

This is such an odd thread.

I had no idea that people think this way, OP..

So... your stepson is gay but because he's not your actual son, you don't mind your friend making homophobic remarks.

Your husband makes racist comments about your friend and also defends his mother's racism against you, but hey ho, shrug, whatever, right?

You and your husband both think that you should stay friends with someone even though she hates your son, because it's nice to have friends.

Meanwhile, you are creeping around your stepson and his friends, encouraging your 15 year old (step?)daughter to see cocaine use as fun and normal, and going about pretending to be a teenager yourself.

You tried to get your friend kicked out of an open-invite event because it made it awkward for you (although at this point, you hadn't dripfed the homophobia and were still describing her as a lovely person).

You are worried that you can't make friends because you need to act out a different character in order to be more like the people you are with at any given moment.

Have I missed anything? Oh, your husband dresses head to foot in Hollister, for reasons unknown.

Has it ever occurred to you, OP, that you might find it hard to make friends because of... all of that? I think I would find you very uncomfortable company.

Go and be yourself. Don’t ignore her, be your normal self but there’ll likely be lots of other people there too so plenty of other people to chat to. You might even meet a small group who are like you and you won’t need to include her in future. I probably wouldn’t tell her you were going nor sit down next to her when I got there. I think the potential benefits of going outweigh the costs. You’ve just cut off your nose to spite your face imo.

Unfortunately she lives near you and goes to everything, she’s going to this and you can’t change that. They were never going to say she couldn’t come off the back of your message.

I feel your pain, I have a neighbour who is like that too, I really dislike her but she’s in every group chat, bored and wants to do everything. I just go along to group things and don’t ignore her but don’t initiate individual conversation either. Yeah I can’t relax 100% but the alternative is I sit at home with a baby on my own. Hoping eventually we’ll form smaller friendship groups with those we have more in common with and I don’t have to see her anymore. Might happen for you too.

You think your husband should have said something, but not that you should have said something? To defend your son?

I think I’m too Gen X for this thread

Ok , you are full of 💩 lol

So your friend makes homophobic remarks about gay people (but not around your gay son so that's ok)
and now to boot your MIL makes racist remarks and you're not white and you're still only a bit WTF?
I mean come on....

How is it obvious? that seems a bit prejudiced!

People like her don't know any better? WTF?

And you don't like confrontation so you won't defend your own son? But you'll hang around his friends giving them alcohol and trying to join in the banter.

Cool.

So... you dont kn9w who you are, how you want to have friends, what social life you'd like.

It's OK to feel like that. Explore what makes you happy, go out on a limb to meet new people. But please stop policing what your friend/acquaintance does. It's not your place to be huffy that they want to socialise in a FB open-invite group.

Hey op I’m glad you’re going now I can imagine your friend probably judges you either way so I would go have fun and let your hair down and if she doesn’t like it maybe she won’t go again but if she’s judgy she will comment either way so look at it like this fuck what she thinks or says. Op you just say hey I’m going to have a great time and hopefully meet new people who are a bit like me. Dance like no one is watching enjoy!

Honestly, you describe her as a terrible, homophobic, boring person, but she sounds to me like someone who enjoys lots of different interests and is open to all kinds of people. You could learn from her.

Although if she does actually hate gay people then I'm not sure why you continue to be friends with her. I assume she doesn't hate gay people but just doesn't agree with you on the nature of homosexuality. But I only assume this because I can't imagine why you'd stay friends with someone who hates your son.

Also, stop hanging around your son's friends and giving them alcohol. It's creepy.

OP, you realise you made an error, and you are fixing it, good for you. You don't sound unable to take feedback; you just misstepped.

I'm uncomfortable about this thread. The OP has a social and communication disorder and everyone is queueing up to kick her for having social and communication problems.

That's kind of the whole point.

OP, if you have made friends at work, you get on with your children's friends (and you know you are not friends with them, just hospitable and friendly), have a nice family, then yes, it is frustrating when you can't seem to expand your social circle, but you clearly can meet people and get on reasonably well with them.

I think going to this event and other similar (MeetUp style things) and seeing who shows up is a good idea. Your 'friend' sounds not very nice anyway, just nod and smile and then chat to other people. I hope you do meet up with other people, as you sound a lot nicer than lots of people on this thread who think they have better social skills yet are really quite mean.

Why would it be awkward to expand horizons separately