Absolutely worn out, two bed wetters - please help!!

Loads of good advice here.
My then oldest DD was 7, she is neurotypical, we used an alarm called Roger. It was expensive but excellent and the alarm bit could take batteries as well as being plugged in so handy if no socket near pillow, taking on holidays etc.
This may sound obvious and perhaps you do it already but I double dress the beds (random occasional bed wetting from my 10yr old now) with ordinary protector, waterproof protector, sheet, and then on top another waterproof protector, bed pad, and sheet. So in the middle of the night I just have to pull off the top layer and they are ready to hop in again. I never thought of waterproof duvets, like a pp mentioned, they sound great.
I used pull ups with my DD, but she wanted to get out of them herself as her younger siblings were dry at night. So id stay in pull ups with your children as long as they want.

Solidarity from me too. My son was 12 when he finally stopped wetting, and it was soul destroying (he was obviously upset about it at that point too).

We were prescribed Desmopressin which didn't stop the problem, but reduced the volume of urine produced, so it didn't leak out of the pull-ups so often.

We were referred to the continence team and they pushed for a bladder and kidney scan, just to make sure there wasn't an underlying medical issue.

What finally did it was investing in a very loud alarm (I wish I could remember the brand) and removing the pull-ups. I suspect this coincided with his hormones kicking in, but after a few disturbed nights, he was consistently dry. 2 years later and he does still have an occasional accident, mainly when he's super-tired, but we keep the routines consistent - only drink water and milk in the afternoons/evenings (hot chocolate was/is a major trigger), double-voiding before bed (also sit down to do the wees), all the things the ERIC charity recommends.

Hopefully you'll be through it soon - there is hope!

Another vote for pull-ups. My NT DGD showed no signs of being dry at night until she was over seven, then suddenly just did it
and has not wet the bed since.

I haven't read the full thread but i have an appointment with the doctor today for my 6½yr old s bedwetting, if i get any useful information I'll post it. Im expecting they'll probably just tell me all the stuff I've already tried!

Also to add to this, DC doesn't now wake up to wee in the night (which is what I thought the alarm would teach them to do.) Instead they just sleep through fine and go when they wake up in the morning.

Ps they gave us the alarm for free

I also wonder whether there is any financial support you can access for the night pull ups as they’re expensive and you’re getting them for 2? The continence team may know.

You school should be able to refer you to the continence nurses. They will ask for fluid diaries, ensure no constipation. Our autistic son had a trial with the alarm which didn’t work then went on desmopressin and then oxybutynin. He’s now largely dry and no longer takes it (he’s 9). One of our issues was he wasn’t drinking enough in the day so his bladder didn’t stretch enough so we had to improve that- we bought a water bottle he liked and school monitored him more closely with drinking. Interroception (awareness of one’s bodily functions) can be off in neurodivergent people as I’m sure you know so hunger thirst etc. so may be an issue.

Good luck-it’s so so challenging but their bodies are just not able so get some help.

An alarm resolved our 7 year old's bedwetting when nothing else would.

It didn't work straight away though (I had seen online reviews that said their child stopped 2 weeks in!)
At first they didn't wake to the alarm, but we did and woke them.
Then they would wake to the alarm just after bedwetting.
Then eventually they would wake just as they started to wee.
And then, eventually, they started to wake up before.
We continued on for a few weeks after this before removing the alarm and did not at all restrict fluids before bedtime.

It worked. It took about 12 weeks (the maximum time suggested by the alarm instructions) and we had lots of accidents on the way.

No accidents since we stopped the alarm.

We used a waterproof fitted sheet and pads whilst using the alarm so that the in the night changeover wasn't too disruptive.

OP as others have said, to add to everyone else they probably just still need to be in pull ups, especially your 4 year old. I have 6 year old twins, one has been dry for ages now at night but the other isn’t at all so he’s still in his night nappy. It’s all to do with a hormone - it’s nothing you or they are doing wrong!

Agree, get some pull-ups for them to wear. We had to do that for periods as I just couldn’t cope trying to get everything dry, especially having the wash the duvet constantly. Give yourself a break. It will happen, don’t worry 😊

Solidarity, 3 bedwetters here and when they all go together, often wetting through the duvets as well, it’s exhausting. It massively affects holiday choices, day to day planning and I’m obsessive about the weather forecast. Our launderette’s dryers get used on bad days. We've had the medical interventions.

Kylies or communitiy bed pads or similar is what you need. They are designed for elderly people who aren’t dry. They come in different sizes. I have big ones that cover most of a single bed. They hold a few litres of liquid. It doesn’t run off like a plastic sheet, easy to wash and dry as well. Available on Amazon and other places and so much better than anything that designed for children

My son was around 12 before he stopped wetting and we tried everything. He was on desmopressin for a good few years and that really did help but it is hard until they grow out of it.
I would say though that the advice we were given by the clinic is NOT to wake them or lift asleep for them to pee as you are teaching them to go at that time rather than allowing their body to wake them. If they are having any blackcurrant drinks or chocolate drinks stop that as it makes them pee more and at bedtime they need to double void to make sure they empty their bladder fully before sleep. Mine went to the toilet as part of the bath routine then went again just before lights out.
They do need to drink plenty in the day as someone said to stretch their bladder.You shouldn’t restrict fluids though unless they are on the medication once they have taken it.

Two of mine weren't consistently dry at night until around 9. The other was at 3 which I guess just goes to show it's one of those things.

We didn't try anything (options seemed to be alarm or hormone), I obviously hadn't reached my cut off point for wanting to, not sure when that would be! They just wore pull ups.

One of those things... that felt like it went on a long time and now I barely remember.

Desmopresin,the hormone, worked for DS. He took it from age 7, but you can get it from the GP from age 5 (I wish we'd gone to the GP earlier). I had to complete a diary for two weeks for the nurse to decide between the hormone or an alarm. It was such a relief when he stopped wetting the bed.

I suspect ND with my DS he also had post lockdown anxiety. Re regularly wet the bed till around 8 then very occasionally til around 12 he’s now 13, anxiety free and not bed wetting. Nothing really worked beyond a few days weeks. But just to give you a perspective that these things are normal, check for any anxiety, it will get better. Buy lots of sheets and a water barrel in the back garden - chick the dirty sheets in there. Wash once a week

Not much to add except it will stop one day ( our son was about 10) and buy a tumble dryer if you haven’t already . Sorry I remember it being very tiring !

We took our to incontinence clinic when he was about 7/8. They laid out all the options which included giving him the medication which means he can stay dry at night. So I’d ask for a referral to get all the options.

Do you have them in night time pads and incontinence pads on the bed? That will reduce the amount of washing you need to do until you start night training.

With my eldest we just stuck with pullups until he wanted to - you need buy-in from the child. Until he was 8 he just wasn't that worried, then we stopped being able to get the pullups big enough (non-UK) so they were uncomfortable, and he decided for himself that he wanted to try the alarm. (the one from Eric that clips on to your pants).

It worked in 3 nights - not fun - no-one, him nor me likes waking up to a screeching alarm! But it seemed to be what his body needed to train him to notice the tingling and wake up rather than continue to sleep.

Now at 15, he still basically never makes it through the night without getting up to wee, so I guess his hormone still hasn't really kicked in, but he's fine with just getting up for a wee and going back to sleep.

I love all of the kind, practical advice. parenting can be so hard sometimes.

But I’m really surprised at how common and normal this is. My kids were children in the, ahem, 80s and I can only think of one little boy of 7 who was not dry. Were w just not discussing this as parents back then? I’ve never heard of this hormone. How come the children are dry when they sleep elsewhere? Presumably they don’t sleep so soundly and grandparents or on holidays?

I echo the phases or cycles of tired/wetting, less tired/get up and go. DS was the same, it certainly took him a lot longer to be dry and night, but was really unpredictable, until we realised it was linked to how tired/deeply sleeping he was.

My four year old is NT and wears dry it’s at night time! I think most four year olds do tbh…

Pull ups. My eldest inconsistently wet the bed until he was 10 and he just wore a pull up just in case.