Absolutely worn out, two bed wetters - please help!!

Also to add that I'm not sure being neurodivergent actually has any relevance to bed wetting. My family member who is diagnosed with asperges (I know it's not called that now but it was when she was diagnosed) was dry day and night from around 18 months old.

Hi op, my son is just 5 and we're about 6 months into this journey. We get some good runs being completely dry and then wetting happens again. The main thing here is that he doesn't drink enough during the day. When he drinks well in the day he is dry for a whole night, or able to get up for his wee on the potty. But with school he doesn't drink enough, barely any and it can set us back again because his bladder shrinks and can't hold as much wee and makes wet beds more likely. He may be neurodivergent, it is in the family, and I read that neurodivergent children can find it harder to identify that they are thirsty.

Trying to get a really big drink in him in the morning before he goes to school seems to help, as well as trying to get him to drink as much as possible before 6 on the days he comes straight home. Also making sure he's done a poo before bed, he started holding those and not doing them at school. Avoiding fruit juices, squash, date bars (naked bars), berries, in late afternoon and evening also helps. Stopping drinking 2 hours before falling asleep rather than one as eric suggest and the double voiding thing also help. You maybe already do these things as you're further down the road than us.

Also I've subscribed to Alice Eaton's mailing list. She's written a book about bed wetting but I've got round to buying yet. But she recently sent a tip about toothpaste. Apparently there is an ingredient in that that if swallowed can irritate the bladder for some people and cause wetting.

Totally normal at their ages. They are still young. Put them in nappies til they’re ready.

I’m sure everyone else has said the same, but you need to use pull ups.
if they are not producing the hormone required to be consistently dry (ie it wakes them to wee) then they will wet the bed. Up to age of 7 for this to kick in is normal, being ND may affect this, I don’t know.

I would seek medical advice for the older child and see what they say. But make your life easier with pull ups for the time being, no shame at all if they need it

absolutely no judgement here, and ignore anyone who does so

I think it is true. It wasn't talked about and children who weren't dry just didn't go.

When I was 8 I had a sleepover with a friend who, it turned out, still wore nappies at night. It was her first ever sleepover - me and my mum were the first people who'd been trusted with this secret. Ofc that's just an anecdote, not evidence, but everything I've read and learned on this subject tells me it has been, and still is, much more common and "normal" than people think.

OP apologies this has probably been mentioned by PPs but incontinence clinic generally advised against lifting, because in some children it works as encouragement/practice at weeing when half asleep. It tells their body/brain this is an OK thing to do, inadvertently encouraging exactly what you are trying to prevent. It works for some, but is counterproductive for many more.

Oh also, just a thought on pulls ups for your eldest. Different brands seem to fit children differently. Pampers size 8 works well for my tall skinny 8year old but huggies work better for other children. Obviously the cost in trying out different brands can be high so I thought id suggest reaching out to your local SEN group and asking other SEN mums if they have a couple of pull ups spare so you can try different brands without having to spend quite a bit of money. Ive helped SEN mums, well any parent I would help, with pull ups for this reason.

With my kids, we used pull ups until they were dry for a week. If there was a regression where there was more than one bed wetting incident in a week, we'd go back to pull ups until they were dry for a week again.

People just didn't discuss it back then. 7yr olds didn't go for sleepovers so how would you have known?

I'm not sure that's quite true. We just didn't call them "sleepovers" until American telly came over here. My kids were always wanting (and going) to sleep at their grandparents with various cousins. And then at the end of primary the camping out in the garden or dining room started with 5 friends stopping over...

I hope you don’t mind me chipping in with my experience….though it’s my elderly dad we had the issue with bless him…. Night time pull ups as PP have said……we then put down some towels then some puppy pads from amazon ( these were so much better in absorbency than any for kids and much cheaper… then some more towels….it was trial and error but in the end this combination worked for us…..yes I would have couple of big towels to wash every day and the puppy pads had to be thrown as they were soaked but they mopped up a lot of wee…nd the towels underneath were dry…..really hope this helps you .. sending support across the internet to you xx

My DD is autistic and wasn't dry at night until the end of primary. She just couldn't feel that she needed to go to the toilet until it was too late. We had protective mattresses and kept her in pull ups at night. We tried an alarm attached to the nappy, but she had issues with sensory nature of it, so we had to lose it. We did wees before bed and dream wees. She is a teen now and is dry at night. We still do have some last minute runs to the loo as she still struggles, but I'd say that accidents are few and far between these days. I can't say that any one thing worked to be honest. I feel he finally being dry was to do with her body maturing more than anything we did.

I like these washable pads. They are 100% waterproof, last forever, you can tumble dry them and they’re not plasticy. I put them on top of a waterproof fitted protector under the fitted sheet, and it meant I could wash pad and sheet without washing the plastic- backed fitted protector that was an arse to dry.

I also used waterproof duvet protectors so I didn’t have to wash the duvet every time. Mine were sort of papery, so I put a cotton duvet cover on over the top, but at least the actual duvet didn’t get wet and need washing.

It is so relentless washing bedding every day. Not to mention knackering changing the sheets every day.

We tried the tablets a GP can prescribe, but didn’t notice a difference in frequency with them. It seemed totally random whether she would wet the bed or not, though definite more nights than not.

It all stopped at around 13 years for us. Not because of anything we did, just because that’s when it stopped.

Hi OP, Autism Class teacher and mother to autistic child here - it is not unusual for children to need pull-ups or night time pants until age 7 and often times beyond this if they are developmentally delayed. I would take the pressure off yourself and give them some more time in pull-ups until that crucial hormone kicks in, particularly your 4-year-old.

Have you tried the Huggies DryNights for ages 8-13 for your older DC? If he’s very tall this might suit him better.

What time are they having their last meal/ drink before bed? Could you push this a little bit earlier?

I know how exhausting this can be, so sending hugs x

How much fluid are they drinking in the day? The advice I was given was to increase volumes of drinks so that the bladder is stretched. It then becomes large enough to hold the urine for more hours.

The other thing I was told was to not give DS blackcurrant squash as its mildly diuretic.

Common (as in, most children do this) - no.
Normal (as in, within a normal range and not necessarily indicative of a longer term problem) - yes.

It’s completely normal for 7 years olds not to be dry at night? I’m all for reassurance when it’s needed but come on now.. you know that’s not true.

As a ND child bed wetter who’s now in her 50’s I see so much coming out now regarding sleep disordered breathing and tongue tie/high narrow pallet/mouth breathing and being ND.

Certainly worth ruling out.

Just put them in pull ups. Its not a training thing, it's a hormone that they either produce or don't. I think they can give medication to stimulate it but not until they're older.

Can't the youngest just wear a night time pull up and eldest incontinence knickers? As previous poster said just wait for hormones to kick in. Surely easier than so much additional laundry and urine smelling bedrooms.

I'm very glad I found this thread as I'm also a bit overwhelmed with the washing with my nearly-5 yr old wetting the bed every night!
She wears aldi pull ups but somehow wets round them! I've just ordered the huggies one on Amazon.

I have been doing the layering sheets and waterproof sheets thing in theory, but with one in the wash every day there's only one left...

I have just remembered I have some puppy pads that I got for putting in the cat's travel boxes for going to the vet (one of them likes a protest-wee) so going to try one of those on the bed - Should be quicker to change than sheets!

If that works I might order the reusable bed pads.

Funnily enough DD's duvet never seems to get wet. I think a) the wee goes downwards onto the sheet, and b) she likes to have a fleece blanket around her under the duvet, so sometimes I have to wash that.

DS12 wore pull-ups at night until well into Y2. When we went on holiday he wore pull-ups just in case until 9ish as any time zone changes seemed to unsettled things.
He's still not super reliable at waking and we have to help him remember not to drink too much after dinner. He often wakes having done a 'drip', dashes to the loo so I'm not sure he's fully there yet hormone wise but at least is waking so it's just a PJ change rather than needing a sheet change.

It’s very normal to be wet at night at this age. Pull ups.

My 5 year old has gone from consistently dry to being inconsistent and like you going through a mountain of washing!

he goes to bed at 730 so now trying to make sure he has drunk everything by about 530 and keeping an eye on his tooth brushing as was realising he was drinking a large cup of water when brushing his teeth 🤦‍♀️ for him I’m finding that I don’t think he’s drinking that much at school at then being really thirsty later so am making sure I’m bringing a water bottle with squash to pick up.

another factor that I found affecting bed wetting…. And no idea if this is physically correct!…. But he had some constipation and that seemed to tie in with it?? No he’s on movicol it has improved things

Bed pants. And layer up with bed protectors - we have a waterproof mattress protector and then bed pads. Either disposables (the ones that stick tonthe sheet) or washable ones depending on whether I habe a laundry backlog!

Desmopressin.

Wipe clean mattress protectors rather than always washing, or draw sheets rather than whole bed size sheets.

Another saying doing better at Nana's is a thing but it can be a sign of a LOT of anxiety about sleeping away from home and wetting the bed, so if anything I would discourage nights away. If a seven year old is up half the night because they are too scared of wetting the bed and too embarrassed to tell you, it's just horrible for them. They are probably more embarrassed than they are letting on.

Nice thick fleece blanket under duvet, then often you can get away with just washing the blanket. And it feels nice and snuggly, not a punishment.

OP please don't feel any shame, my two are not ND and were 5 and 8 before they were dry at night.Their young adults now and absolutely fine.

For my 8yr old we went to GP and he prescribed the hormone. DS had never ever been dry at night despite being dry since 2 in the day. He was dry from the day he took his first tablet. He stopped the hormone after 3 months and remained dry, almost as if it had retrained his bladder.

5 year old was ill and had a fever s9 was dehydrated,.was dry at night and just stayed dry when she was better. Bizarre.

Definitely recommend asking the GP for the hormone. Was amazing.

Good luck.to you all.