AIBU to be really pissed off about their behaviour at my graduation?

…. Why is he taking strong opioids for a headache? Major red flag.

And don't let them all spoil your memories of your achievement!

He's not just being a knob he is running the risk of opiate addiction! Why? Why dydnt he used a paracetamol line everyone else?

l

It's not on for your family to piss on your parade and be rude, but graduations are boring. I was bored at my own one, just waiting for my name to be called out, then concentrating on not tripping over. You shake hands with the Dean and that's that!

What were your expectations from the day? If it's something you'd built up, I can see it would be a disappointment.

What adds to my irritation for you, OP, is his attitude to your medication suggests an attitude to your pain as well. He takes your hardcore meds for his headache suggests he thinks his pain is the same as your hardcore pain. So he’s a tool for that as well.

I feel your pain. My dad behaved like a complete arse at my graduation because he "doesn't like big cities." You're right that they should have been able to make the effort for one day.

My parents saw me go on stage then left and went next door to the pub - the ceremonies are so boring I don’t blame them

It’s a graduation - having been to several, including my own, they’re incredibly boring! They can cost a fortune, lots of hanging round sitting in boiling hot halls, wearing polyester gowns that make you sweat and cover the nice dress you’ve bought yourself.
OP, you’ve built this up in your head into something that others won’t see in the same way, and you’re now disappointed that the reality didn’t match your expectations. There’s no point sweating over it, its happened and there’s no going back. Just take pleasure in a job well done, put your certificates in a drawer somewhere safe for future reference and go get on with your day. Well done on graduating!

My dad and sister did this to me when I was 21. It was horrible and I haven't really forgiven them for it. Lots and lots of things are boring. I cannot ever understand why adults have to ruin something special by saying it is boring. Your mum is just nasty tbh. She should have been told to get a grip. I am sorry for you but it will not take away from your fab achievement. Well done!

This hurts my heart for you, I’m truly very sorry, @Nodramalama85—
No matter how much you downplay it or say it doesn’t matter or that it isn’t important — it IS important and it DOES matter and YOUR FREAKING FAMILY COULD HAVE SHOWN A MODICUM OF RESPECT FOR TWO HOURS OUT OF ONE DAY OUT OF ONE F**KING YEAR!!!

Graduation from university is a HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT. Congratulations!!

I know you can’t repeat this experience, but if you ever need a stand-in-girl-family-member for another ceremony, I’m always available. I’m also a university graduate and a graduate of my mother’s charm school. Her school was very exclusive - she had my sister and me as her only students.

”I credit Dream with having an enormous amount of warmth and charmth.” — my mum

Sending love from faraway ❤️

The last graduation I went to was only a week after a major surgery. I did tell my son I really didn't be able to make it, but he said he'd be happy to roll me in via wheelchair if necessary. In the end, I attended, on pain meds and with a surgical drain still attached. I hid the drain itself in a nice handbag, so most people probably didn't notice and I walked very slowly, but I know my son was so happy that I made the effort.

Was it boring at times? Yes! But there is no way in hell I would have told him that.

I'm sorry they spoilt the day, but remember, the main thing is the huge achievement in the study you have done. Get yourself a really nice frame and find a nice spot for your certificate. Update your CV, get a great new job or a promotion, sort out your pensions for the future and start making a wonderful life for yourself. Then, decide if you want these people along with you for your next chapter or if you'll want to leave them behind.

Wishing you all the best.

Well your dp sounds like he's nice and was trying hard to be supportive - and perhaps didn't really understand what the Tramadol was. Try to look at it from the other angle - he had a headache but didn't complain, tried to just take a tablet and carry on for your sake. Then spent all day listening to the other two whine and at least trying to protect you from their behaviour. But yeah, the other two sound crap. Sure, the young can be self centered and thoughtless. But your mum should definitely have known better.

Honestly, the first thing I am going to say is "Congratulations!!!" I'm 53 and have returned to study. I know it's a slog and you absolutely deserved better than this. You are quite right to be disappointed. I would let them know that they were all selfish fuckwits and that you will cease all mum/wife/daughter functions until they show a consistent effort to acknowledge that you are a human being and not fucking appliance.

Congratulations on your graduation, I’m sorry it was such a bad day for you.

Mine wasn’t great either, it was many years ago but it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. My Mum and Gran came to the graduation ceremony while my Grandpa and Stepdad waited in a nearby pub. After the ceremony I had to go straight to get my official photo taken. My Mum and Gran decided that that was going to take ages so they left and went to the pub to meet up with the others.

10 mins later I came out to find the cloisters full of happy families smiling and taking pictures, but I couldn’t find my family (this was in 1999 before we all had mobile phones). Some of my friends came up and took pictures with me, my Mum had the camera so I don’t have any with them. Even people I didn’t know that well came up for pictures, I think they took pity because I was so obviously on my own. I was so embarrassed!

Eventually I gave up waiting, handed in my graduation gown and went to the pub, unsurprisingly finding them all there, drinks in hand. They were most upset that I wasn’t wearing the gown as they all wanted photos with me wearing it. It didn’t occur to them that I might not be allowed to take the gown off of campus and had to hand it in before leaving.

We went out for dinner and then I went home while they all stayed out and got even more drunk. They had a great day, me not so much.

OMG, OP. YANBU WTF! Your family suck.

Of course graduations are boring. But who the hell goes and moans about it to the graduate? I hope they are better in other situations but if not, I wish you all the best for finding better people to spend your time and emotions on.

Yes, I know that, but were it the case the OP’s partner would have his own prescribed supply.
He does not, he nicks hers. Which is both stupid and a controlled drugs offence.

Reminds me of my own graduation from Oxford. I'm from a very, very humble background and my parents were so proud. But when it came to my graduation, it's like they were so intimidated by it all, they just sabotaged it. It was awful. They complained about everything. All my memories of that day is of my dad whining and me just praying the day will end already.

Well you, OP are certainly not a bit shit, even if your family is. Honestly, hats off to you. I am in awe of mothers with partners and families completing degrees. Well done.

I was going to ask what kind of go has prescribed him that for a headache then I see it’s actually your medication. It’s a controlled drug and you shouldn’t be giving him it, your op makes it sound like he takes it often enough to know how it affects him, does he ask you for them often? Everyone sounds like they behaved terribly but I’d be seriously considering the relationship too.

My friend is on some strong controlled drugs, her ex husband used to pretend to have headaches and ask her for the occasional tramadol, then his “headaches” got more frequent and he’s say paracetamol didn’t do anything, did absolutely nothing to seek medical help himself or to research why he may be having headaches and instead pressured his wife to hand her meds to him or sometimes he’s steal a strip from the medicine box. He didn’t have headaches, he just liked the way they made him feel and he used them to calm himself down during anxious situations. I kind of want to say just be careful this isn’t what he’s doing, choosing to take meds that make him off his nut, not because of headache but because he wants to feel off his nut.

It’s alright my husband was absolutely pissing himself laughing at the sung Latin as it sounded like the monks in Monty python who sing and then smack themselves with a plank. I pinched him so hard when he was silent laughing he got up ‘to go to the toilet’ and came back 25 minutes later with Percy pigs and M&Ms he apologised later but even I thought it was a bit long and my mum is the vicar!!!

Shes getting married soon (first gay vicar marriage- that’s my username gone)! And I’m hopeful it will be a bit less intense!

I was the first person in my family to get a degree and I got a 1st. My parents didnt even bother coming to my graduation. It clashed with a non commercial holiday they had arranged with a charity who looked after them. They could have split the holiday or gone later but my father said it was too much hassle. If it had been a commecial holiday I would have understood but there were not financial penalties. I ended up giving my tickets to a colleague whose mum was having chemo. That meant her two other daughters could come to support her. They took me for a meal afterwards so it was still an enjoyable occasion but not the same as having your own relatives present. I went on to get a masters and a doctrate but never bothered with the formal graduation for those. At a later stage a visitor from the charity offered to arrange a car and driver to take my parents to my doctoral graduatiom. I felt too much water had gone under the bridge and clearly my parents were not proud of what I achieved. So I refused the kind offer.

Sadly, this is why I've learned that some moments are best savoured alone, or with others after your initial shine has worn off and they can't tarnish that. Then again, sometimes we forget or hope things will be better or don't trust our better instincts... we're only human.

Congrats OP on graduating.
I hope you can mark the occasion another way somehow, with a supportive friend or even alone, and bring the focus back to yourself where it rightly belongs.

@IridiumSky Not everyone has mild headaches, some people can have serious aura cursing headaches which are severe and need stronger meds for the be. That can still be called a headache but a very different level to most people's experiences, I know people who severly need such class of meds for this. If they are prescribed its for a reason, and tramadol is not always for short courses particularly if you have a chronic condition. Yes it can make you out of it but it's better than the pain and other symtpoms taking over.

On your mum and son OP they seem to both have acted quite dismissive, it's meant to be a few hours and its a day to celebrate your person, so they have thought about that. Maybe do something like a dinner or similar with your partner or friends who you've also graduated with. Congratulations anyways, you've definitely worked hard.

Sorry OP but well done on your achievement..Not really making excuses for them but maybe they didnt think it would be like that. Graduation ceremonies are a bore. I didnt go to mine. Maybe they just thought it would be a party where they got to stand around having a laugh and a chat with your friends. ???