AIBU to be really pissed off about their behaviour at my graduation?

If your DP is prone to migraines then he needs to see his own GP and get his own appropriate medication. Taking your prescription opioids is not on.

Tramadol is a class C controlled drug in the UK.
Supply of Tramadol without a prescription is a criminal offence.
I do hope you reflect on your illegal action in supplying a dangerous drug.
(I hope you weren't graduating in Medicine or Law)

OP has literally already said exactly that though?

She knew it was going to be boring, everyone knows that. She didn't expect them to come bounding out of the ceremony going "that was better than watching fast and the furious, can we go to another one?"

She just wanted them to not repeatedly moan about how boring it was to her!

Not to mention she wasn't even with them during the ceremony - all the bad behaviour she's actually complaining about took place afterwards at the reception which is basically just a celebratory drink and chat with each other, if they find that too boring how do they cope with everyday normal life?

This was my thought too!

Are you the first in your family to graduate OP? My mother and grandmother combined together to do their active best to sabotage my graduation. It made the day miserable and my face is swollen from crying in all the photos.

Looking back, they weren’t proud of me as I thought they would and should be. They were jealous that I had achieved something they hadn’t been able to. Because they had fought so hard to make sure I was the first in the family to have the opportunity, I thought they’d be thrilled. Instead they were resentful. I had gotten ideas about myself above my station, apparently.

This. I voted that you are being unreasonable because you knew what would happen and it did.

I think the person you are probably most annoyed with is yourself?

Congratulations on the degree, have a nice night out with DP to celebrate 🥳

Ugh grown adults can't do you proud for one day, I sat through my mums graduation as a young kid with my younger sister and it sounds like we behaved better! Yeah of course its long and you don't care about the other graduates as much as your own family member but you represent them and yourself well by celebrating the achievement.

It's really disappointing when these sort of days are ruined, reminded me of when I didn't want my mum to come to the open day of my uni end of year exhibition as we all had a job to do that day and I was working the shop and knew she'd take offence at not having my undivided attention, and yeah she did. She'd silently fumed and built herself up to feel hard done by and then when I was free I was chatting to a few friends and my tutor and said this is my mum, and she just furiously shouted IM GOING and marched out of the exhibition. I still remember the surprised and pitying looks from them at this display. She only apologised when I sat sobbing after her verbal tirade in public when I caught up to her, because I'd done two all nighters previously and was already exhausted, notnusually a cryer.

Some people can't seem to realise they aren't the main character all the time.

Thry behaved badly, but graduation ceremonies are really boring, but you just sit quietly and contemplate your navel. The best bits are the before and afters! The main thing is you’ve got your degree and you can go forward in life.

It’s a great shame that they didn’t know how to behave, but having sat through too many, TBH people need to be aware that graduation ceremonies are generally mind-numbingly boring! except for that one minute when your own relative goes up to receive their handshake and a rolled up bit of paper.

OP I think something like a graduation can really show you if the people in your life are on your team or not. It brings out a lot of jealousy I think. DH's parents didn't go to his graduation - they said it was too far to come (he's from continental Europe) and acted like because it isn't a thing in their country it just didn't matter. I could never get my head around that. Who woild say no to being invited to share in their son's life in that way? I really think it was my FIL, he's one of those guys that everything has to be about him, and he never had the chance to go to university because he had to work in the family business, and don't we all know it. Some people see their family's success as their own success, and want to lift them up - and some see them as rivals. You're moving on to a new place in your life OP, maybe they can see that. Maybe they don't want you to leave them in the distance. But if they did want that they are going about it in the best way.

I’ve only been to one, my own. No family came (their choice). It was very boring, even for me who knew most of the people on my course.

You should have left them in the bar and gone off to find your college friends.

But they are not wrong the ceremonies are boring and mind numbingly repetitive. No excuse to not enjoy the party afterwards though, why didn't your partner just take a couple of paracetamol so he wasn't spaced out?

I don't enjoy being the centre of attention at all

Not half as much as they don’t enjoy you being the centre of attention. They couldn’t even let a few hours be about you. They are basically horrible. I wonder if you don’t enjoy it because they make it awful every time.

I'd already made plans for my birthday that don't include any of them because of their behaviour last year

Have any of them let you be “main character” for a second ever or enjoy anything that is focussed on you? What’s Mother’s Day like in your house? What’s it like when you aren’t well or have an important deadline?

I think you can’t be mad at Dp. He was supportive. He then got a headache. It’s horrible having a headache, especially if it’s bad enough that he needed tramadol.
graduations are the absolute worst but I agree your mum and son could have been better

Does your dp genuinely suffer from migraines? Has he taken tramadol before?

I suffer from bad migraines and tbh I’d give him a pass here if he’s generally a good partner. I take Triptans which can make me feel trippy and if the choice was to suffer in pain all day at a long ceremony or feel a bit spaced out but be able to get through it, I’d choose the latter personally.

I do think you are possibly putting a little too much emotion on the day as it was obviously a huge deal for you and you’re projecting a bit.

They shouldn’t have moaned but it does sound like a long, boring day - they should’ve kept the moaning between themselves but I do think you are possibly being a little OTT. Your ds is young and stupid and was hungover - it’s definitely something my Ds would do too without thinking, as in drinking g the night before.

Put it behind you now and focus on the fact you graduated 🎉

ps. If you think your dp has substance abuse issues, obviously that’s another problem that needs addressing.

I'd be more concerned about what you've said about your partner's substance misuse. He takes your medication? He also seems to take tramadol which is ridiculously strong for what you've said was a mild headache. There are bigger problems afoot than this day.

It's a shame they ruined it but that doesn't dull your achievement. FWIW I was horribly hung over for my first graduation and so were lots of my friends! Our cap and gown photos were not is looking our bright and shiny best.....
Hopefully this degree gives you more options that might involve you not having to be around people who don't support you.

Look, I say this as an academic who has graduated three times but also is part of the procession now at ceremonies- they are fucking boring. We all know it, both as a student and an academic. It’s essentially 1.5-2 hours of clapping like a seal. Your family should have kept quiet about it being boring obviously but I don’t think they were unreasonable to think this.

They'll now also be a reminder that my family is a bit shit.

Only if you let them be that reminder, and continue to wallow in a snapshot of your life.

Or they can be a reminder that you did it! You completed your studies and got the result you deserve. Something many people can't do but you managed it.

Hi @Nodramalama85 congratulations on graduating.
Unfortunately you can't rely on these people to act normally in social situations, you also can't control their actions. They sound like children.
All you can do is decide whether to include them in this sort of activity or not.
Graduations are dull but most people have enough emotional intelligence to realize that it's not about them so need to put up and shut up.

Could you tell them that they embarrass you? It's one hell of a truth bomb but maybe you feel they need to hear it.

Also do you think your DP could have addiction issues? The vast majority of people would take paracetamol.

Reading some of the responses, it's obvious that people have very different expectations from the day. I didn't have photos taken with my family, either, and to be honest, it never crossed my mind and I would have found it embarrassing for them to make a big show of it. The photos I do have, are with my friends, becasue it was our day. I also didn't get a 'nice dress' for the occasion (to be obscured by a great big, daggy gown) I wore smart trousers and top and flat shoes. I just didn't see it as that sort of occasion, which goes to show there's a massive variation in the perception of the day.

It's always disappointing when there's a mismatch of expectations, it doesn't detract from your achievement.

I am sorry your family including partner let you down. All they had to do was be there for you. No performance required of them, just being there and being supportive for a few hours.

The degree ceremony can be a bit dull but is a wonderful opportunity for people watching.

Older DD and I went in for younger DD's degree ceremony. We had a great time especially when we realised that the graduates who didnt acknowledge the senior dignitory quite literally had their card marked. DD gave the proper formal bow to her. But I do wonder if the graduates who were 'playing to the gallery' instead may have ever so slightly blighted their futures.

He is extremely unreasonable to treat a headache with opioids

Tramadol for a headache!

I graduated (after 12 long years - there was a break in the middle) last year and wild horses couldn’t have dragged me to to a graduation ceremony, never mind dragging other people there!