AIBU to be really pissed off about their behaviour at my graduation?

My Dad acted very similar to your mother at my graduation, insisted that he came - but wanted me to organise everything for him (directions, parking, where to sit etc) arrived late, hair still damp from his shower, brought my Gramdma (who didn’t have a ticket) then started getting loud when I explained I only had 3 tickets, so she couldn’t come in.

I booked a restaurant for afterwards as he said he wanted to take me & my DP out for a meal, so I told my DM (they are separated) we’d do something later in the week, and of course we arrived & he said “let’s just do drinks, your Grandma is tired”

I so worried about his behaviour in the venue & disappointed he didn’t want to celebrate I didn’t take the time to enjoy my achievement, makes me sad now,

I don’t think they were invited but they insisted on going. How could OP have told them not to? Situation was anticipated, duly came to pass, now it’s a case of ‘I told you so’. But the intention was good. I’d focus on that. And if there’s a next time, a firm “No! You definitely wouldn’t enjoy it.”

Did they, though? Did they honestly do the best the could? It sounds like it to me. If your bar is higher than ‘doing the best they could’, where does that leave things?

@GentlyDoesItt This is the problem is it not? By many accounts here, the graduation is all about them and how bored they are. Not much thought given to their graduate who has invited them and how they feel. All they wanted was a proud family for a few hours! What a selfish standpoint many have adopted.

lol. Yes it was ridiculous! I think she thought it was funny, as well as being her way of expressing her pride. She’s kind of insistent about her eccentricity.

It’s a funny story, sadly the reality of a very self centred mother is not funny at all.

This massively gives her family more credit than they deserve. If you lower the bar to “they did the best they could” don’t be surprised if your experience is continually crap.

It sounds like your partner did his best wrangling your mum. I'm not surprised he had a headache although it's a shame it was bad enough to require Tramadol.

Three of my kids have graduated and I have been to all the ceremonies. My oldest daughter's was dull as ditch water - my elderly mother fell asleep in her wheelchair. But the reception made up for it all and we went out for a meal afterwards which was fantastic.

My son's took place when there were still lots of covid restrictions so it was in an open sided marquee and it was great. We met his friends and we all cheered for each other's sons. The whole thing was over in about 45 minutes. They didn't want to go to the reception so we wandered round the campus taking photos in significant places.

My youngest daughter's ceremony was no more than an hour. We went to the reception and then went home for a doze and out to dinner with family friends in the evening.

I wouldn't have missed a minute of any of them. Even the boring one.

Congrats on your graduation OP and sorry your family behaved so badly.

My dad totally ruined both of my graduation days. I really shouldn't have let the fucker come to the second one.

Don’t be ridiculous. Having tramafol in the house isn’t supplying an illegal drug. Pompous arse.

My thoughts exactly - honestly, some people on here 😂

For mine, my mum insisted on rattling a football rattle around as I walked across the stage. I asked her not to, but nothing I said made any difference.

I’m so sorry but this has me howling!

All those saying don’t go are really showing they don’t do anything that’s not about them. Sitting through something that means something to others is important. It meant something to op. If other grads don’t care, so be it.

I’ve noticed that those who don't want to go have probably given this attitude to dc and then they don’t care either. They don’t support their friends on the course (did they make any?) and opt out. It’s a sad attitude and parents lead the way.

"I'd already made plans for my birthday that don't include any of them because of their behaviour last year. "

So they already have history of acting up when it's a specific celebration for you? I think that speaks volumes doesn't it OP; well done on arranging something that doesn't include them this year!

How horrible for them all to act up on your graduation. All your hard work over 3/4/5 years mustn't be overshadowed by 3 selfish individuals. The graduation is about YOU and YOUR achievement and you should feel so proud of yourself. Please get the photo to mark the occasion and when you glance on it, just remember how proud you are of yourself and what you achieved. Don't let their bad behaviour tarnish your well deserved recognition. Congratulations!

Isn't Xanax also a class c drug, the NHS doesn't prescribe it for headaches, migraines or anything else?
Never mind your moaning mum OP I think you should have a conversation with your partner about their drug use.

he wanted to feel nice and relaxed during the day.

So he stole and took your prescription drugs so he could feel out of it for your graduation?! What a prince among men 🙄

For mine, my mum insisted on rattling a football rattle around as I walked across the stage. I asked her not to, but nothing I said made any difference.

Some people a) don’t know how to behave, and b) don’t understand that not everything is about them.

You have my sympathies. It’s really hard when it’s your own family.

Graduations are very, very boring. Apart from my undergrad degree when I was 21, I’ve not bothered going to mine. My son got his master’s last year and none of us went.

Congrats though.

Don’t be ridiculous. Having tramafol in the house isn’t supplying an illegal drug. Pompous arse.

im sorry these selfish people spoiled your day op. Big congratulations from me. What an achievement!

I guess you already knew your dm is a nightmare. And your DS is young and foolish. Your DP is the real problem here. That is a dick move of the highest order. What would annoy - apart from taking my drugs, something that spaces him out etc and all of that highly dodgy stuff - is the pathetic bullshit he’s coming out with now. Does he think you were born yesterday? He’s an addict. End of.

I didnt go to my own graduation aged 21 as I knew it would be crap.

Sorry this happened OP.

@Maddy70 When guests are invited it’s not about them though. It’s about the person graduating. Arriving hung over, not being with op to meet other graduates and complaining is bad manners. We all find some things boring but it’s important to shut up and join in.

Graduations incredibly boring if we are being honest. I had three of my own , three for one daughter and two for another it's only interesting for that 30 seconds when your own child receives theirs then you have to sit through everyone else just shaking hands.abd so many long speeches while say in uncomfortable chairs

The best bit was just me and the family going for cocktails after all the tedium.

I'm sorry you were disappointed though , and congratulations

YANBU. Sounds rubbish for you

can you express that to them (in a light humorous if possible, easier said than done I know!)

There are some things in life that are not the most interesting! You do them out of respect and love for the person you are supporting. What does a few hours matter when the person you are supporting has worked for years and years for their degree? I’d be ashamed and angry about their behaviour.

OP - you need to make the most of your degree and leave your family to their low standards. Get a fantastic job and make the most of what you have achieved. Some families don’t get it and don’t let them hold you back. Go for it!

You anticipated it being a bit of a shit show and it was; and on the plus side, they wanted to come because they love you; they trust your relationship enough to be completely honest with you; and, it’s not likely to happen again anytime soon. I’d put it behind you and move on. Don’t make a bad thing worse by dwelling on how they ‘let you down’ when they were just being themselves. I doubt many families went home saying they’d had an amazing time. You could try to reframe it as you have a parent, a partner and a child who love you enough to want to be there to celebrate your achievement and showed up for you as best they could.

BTW my mother was a total cow about my graduation - refused to allow my then DP (now DH) to attend with her, and was a demanding whatsit all day. So I feel you on that front.

Of course it's boring! How out of touch with the real world does one have to be for that to be a surprise.

Weddings are boring
Funerals are boring
Work conferences are boring
Flights are boring

However there is an expectation of behaviour in these circumstances to remain a functioning member of society. If you're not able to behave and be proud of your children are you really a decent parent?

If my family behaved like yours did I would reciprocate their behaviour and not put myself in circumstances that I don't want to be in i.e their company

They are very boring to be fair. 🤷‍♀️