AIBU to be really pissed off about their behaviour at my graduation?

Nodramalama85 · 2026-01-22T22:54:11+00:00

It's the day after my graduation. Five years of study completed. I didn't want to go, I knew it would be emotional and I'd find it overwhelming. I also knew my family would be a nightmare but they all insisted that they wanted to celebrate my achievements and go. Initially, my parter was great, bought a new suit, cuff links with my intials, held an umbrella over us both to collect my gown. My eldest son, turns up 30 mins before we are due to leave hungover, no dress shoes, fine whatever. My partner lends him a suit. Crisis averted. Mum arrives all good. After the ceremony they tell me how boring it was, how they almost fell asleep once I'd been on, how my mum had asked how long it had left every 5 minutes and got really arsey towards the end. She even became irrational in the queue to get into the venue. My partner spent the entire day reminding my mum that the day was not about her. We then go to the reception. My partner is being really spacey and monosyllabic, he had taken some tramadol for his headache. These tablets makes him drowsy and absent. My son was constantly complaining about his hangover and my mum just complained about everything all day. Apparently, she didn't enjoy the ceremony but is happy she saw me graduate. They all acted like miserable wankers at the reception. I couldn't introduce them to anyone at the university. It was just an horrendous experience, they didn't look like they wanted to be there at all. We ended up leaving early even though I'd bought the tickets and the venue had a bar. They only had to behave like normal people for about three and a half hours in total. I feel so hurt that I was pressured into doing something I didn't want to do and that they then went out of their way to ruin it. AIBU - at least they came! You are not being unreasonable WTF?!

OhDear111 · 26/01/2026 22:35

@Nodramalama85Yes. You can do better!

Verytall · 24/01/2026 21:20

@Nodramalama85 I'm sure he did feel nice and relaxed for the day, but the idea that that's justified is very much the logic of someone with an addiction problem in my experience. I'm not saying he's addicted to the point of physical dependency, but justifying taking your meds without your knowledge and consent, thinking it's nothing unusual to 'take the edge off' everyday life, and either thinking it's fine to leave you as the responsible adult or kidding himself that no one would know/there'd be no visible effect - all of that screams addiction issues.
I'm sorry it's taken the shine off your graduation, but you're clearly an intelligent and capable person - might be time to re-evaluate if you deserve better, with family and him.

HarvestMouseandGoldenCups · 24/01/2026 20:39

Nodramalama85 · 23/01/2026 17:06

The reception was held by the university, with prosecco and canapés. It was a formal event.

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Ah I see, how posh! That sounds lovely then. I’m sorry your family didn’t make the most of it and enjoy meeting your colleagues. What a shame.

Original poster

Nodramalama85 · 24/01/2026 20:19

Verytall · 24/01/2026 19:35

Congratulations on graduating OP, and I'm sorry that you've got a shit family and a shit DP! Really insulting that he felt the need to get high to sit through your graduation day. And your mum reminded me of how mine behaved - made the whole thing about her and her anxiety, had to bring her boyfriend with her (long term but he'd always been very clear he was boyfriend and not step parent in any way, she knew I couldn't stand him) She kept disappearing off every ten minutes to find somewhere to smoke (non smoking campus) wouldn't carry a mobile phone so we kept having to look for her (I nearly missed the ceremony) and afterwards when we went to a nearby bar they made themselves comfortable and looked at me expectantly to order & pay. I was 22 and in loads of debt. I saw friends parents taking them off for nice meals and making arrangements to take them back home. My family made it all about them. It was the last time I ever invited them to anything!

My DP feels I am overreacting and thinks it's completely fine to take someone else's prescribed painkillers. When challenged he said he took it to treat his head and feel nice and relaxed for the day. It's all quite concerning.

So sorry your DM sounds like a nightmare too! I think it'll be the last time for me too, I don't want the aggravation

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Nodramalama85 · 24/01/2026 20:16

OhDear111 · 24/01/2026 19:17

@Nodramalama85I think you have a dreadful family! They are not meant to love every minute of seeing other grads get their degrees but they should be there for you. Why are they so selfish that they cannot do this? Nearly everyone else does. I am sorry but you need to rise above the family you have got. You are better than them and you should have had a lovely day with your family. It’s too bad they are not willing to compromise and behave pleasantly for a few hours! I would edge away - you deserve better.

Thank you. I've been quite hurt over the last few days. I've decided to take it as a lesson learnt, I'm taking a step back and reassessing.

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Verytall · 24/01/2026 19:35

Congratulations on graduating OP, and I'm sorry that you've got a shit family and a shit DP! Really insulting that he felt the need to get high to sit through your graduation day. And your mum reminded me of how mine behaved - made the whole thing about her and her anxiety, had to bring her boyfriend with her (long term but he'd always been very clear he was boyfriend and not step parent in any way, she knew I couldn't stand him) She kept disappearing off every ten minutes to find somewhere to smoke (non smoking campus) wouldn't carry a mobile phone so we kept having to look for her (I nearly missed the ceremony) and afterwards when we went to a nearby bar they made themselves comfortable and looked at me expectantly to order & pay. I was 22 and in loads of debt. I saw friends parents taking them off for nice meals and making arrangements to take them back home. My family made it all about them. It was the last time I ever invited them to anything!

OhDear111 · 24/01/2026 19:17

@Nodramalama85I think you have a dreadful family! They are not meant to love every minute of seeing other grads get their degrees but they should be there for you. Why are they so selfish that they cannot do this? Nearly everyone else does. I am sorry but you need to rise above the family you have got. You are better than them and you should have had a lovely day with your family. It’s too bad they are not willing to compromise and behave pleasantly for a few hours! I would edge away - you deserve better.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/01/2026 18:35

CraverSpud · 23/01/2026 16:34

Having Tramadol in the house isn't supplying but giving it to another person is.
(I'm a Pompous arse who is legally qualified)

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She didn’t give it to him. And, qualified or not, your forensic brain has missed the entire point of the thread.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/01/2026 17:11

Somebody helping himself to your medication so he could get off his tits during your day is more of a problem than a moaning mother (although I'd be pretty pissed off having to spend time with somebody like that as well).

If you aren't going to dump him for that, you need to keep everything in a locked box until the scales fall from your eyes and never, ever leave the key anywhere. Also a plan to count just how many are missing on the grounds of stubbed toes, broken nails and the classic 'I had a MIGRAINE, you know! Don't you want me to be FREE OF PAIN?' bullying.

Keepingittogetherstepbystep · 23/01/2026 17:10

Sorry you had such a difficult time due to relatives, take time to think it through and then tell them how disappointed you were in their behaviour.

I was talked into going to my MSc graduation as my dad was upset he didn't come to my first graduation.

He had dementia and had been asked to stay in his seat, he took it so literally he wet himself. My friend was amazing helping him get sorted out, whilst I went back to the car for clothes. I don't dwell on the incident though as my dad died a few years later and had spoke of the ceremony and his pride. Thankfully he'd forgotten the incident

PeloMom · 23/01/2026 17:09

I only invited my then partner to my graduation as he was the only true supportive person. If your DM is usually like this why do you invite her? Your DS needs a lesson in manners too.

Original poster

Nodramalama85 · 23/01/2026 17:06

HarvestMouseandGoldenCups · 23/01/2026 16:53

I’m sorry you felt let down. But graduations really are very boring… I didn’t go to my last one because they’re such a snooze. I also have never heard of anyone having a reception after or buying a new suit as a guest of a graduate.

Also tramadol is not for headaches… has he never heard of paracetamol?

The reception was held by the university, with prosecco and canapés. It was a formal event.

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HarvestMouseandGoldenCups · 23/01/2026 16:53

I’m sorry you felt let down. But graduations really are very boring… I didn’t go to my last one because they’re such a snooze. I also have never heard of anyone having a reception after or buying a new suit as a guest of a graduate.

Also tramadol is not for headaches… has he never heard of paracetamol?

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Nodramalama85 · 23/01/2026 16:51

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/01/2026 08:24

It’s a great shame that they didn’t know how to behave, but having sat through too many, TBH people need to be aware that graduation ceremonies are generally mind-numbingly boring! except for that one minute when your own relative goes up to receive their handshake and a rolled up bit of paper.

I told them how bored they'd be! I explained the hour long ceremony and said it doesn't feel like something they'd enjoy. No one listened.

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Nodramalama85 · 23/01/2026 16:47

chattychatchatty · 23/01/2026 10:18

Did they, though? Did they honestly do the best the could? It sounds like it to me. If your bar is higher than ‘doing the best they could’, where does that leave things?

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I don't feel that's doing the best they could though. My 15 year old met us after school and came to the reception and was incredibly well behaved and genuinely lovely. He really showed the others up. They've all said I should be grateful they came, I didn't want them to, I didn't want to go and actually I feel that I'd really rather have not gone if they couldn't put their big girl pants on for three and a half hours.

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Nodramalama85 · 23/01/2026 16:43

JokerOfTwo · 23/01/2026 10:24

My Dad acted very similar to your mother at my graduation, insisted that he came - but wanted me to organise everything for him (directions, parking, where to sit etc) arrived late, hair still damp from his shower, brought my Gramdma (who didn’t have a ticket) then started getting loud when I explained I only had 3 tickets, so she couldn’t come in.

I booked a restaurant for afterwards as he said he wanted to take me & my DP out for a meal, so I told my DM (they are separated) we’d do something later in the week, and of course we arrived & he said “let’s just do drinks, your Grandma is tired”

I so worried about his behaviour in the venue & disappointed he didn’t want to celebrate I didn’t take the time to enjoy my achievement, makes me sad now,

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Yes that's essentially how I spent the day, trying to bolster everyone and make sure they were happy. I wish I had blown them off and done something with friends! Lesson learnt!

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Dominoeffecter · 23/01/2026 16:43

The actual graduation ceremony is long and boring tbf, make the take you out for a meal or something to celebrate your achievement instead

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Nodramalama85 · 23/01/2026 16:41

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 23/01/2026 10:51

I don't understand why you let them push you into attending. You know it would be dull for them and it was.

when I was 53 we attended DS's graduation. We all agreed it was mind numbingly boring and an absolute waste of money and we'd never do it again. I graduated the following year and DD two years after that. On both occasions we spent the money that would have been spent on the graduation ceremonies/gown hire etc and used it for private family celebrations instead.

I told them what to expect, that I didn't think they'd enjoy it and I would rather not do it. THEY said it was important and they wanted to go, how I would regret not going. I thought they wanted to celebrate my achievements? I mean that's verbatim, I don't feel that makes me responsible for their awful behaviour. I won't be inviting to them to celebratory things in the future. I no longer celebrate my birthday with any of them.

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Nodramalama85 · 23/01/2026 16:36

CraverSpud · 23/01/2026 09:02

Tramadol is a class C controlled drug in the UK.
Supply of Tramadol without a prescription is a criminal offence.
I do hope you reflect on your illegal action in supplying a dangerous drug.
(I hope you weren't graduating in Medicine or Law)

Edited

I didn't supply it. I didn't know he'd taken it until after the ceremony. It was in with meds which also had ibuprofen and paracetamol which is what I thought he would take.

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CraverSpud · 23/01/2026 16:34

BitOutOfPractice · 23/01/2026 09:25

Don’t be ridiculous. Having tramafol in the house isn’t supplying an illegal drug. Pompous arse.

im sorry these selfish people spoiled your day op. Big congratulations from me. What an achievement!

I guess you already knew your dm is a nightmare. And your DS is young and foolish. Your DP is the real problem here. That is a dick move of the highest order. What would annoy - apart from taking my drugs, something that spaces him out etc and all of that highly dodgy stuff - is the pathetic bullshit he’s coming out with now. Does he think you were born yesterday? He’s an addict. End of.

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Having Tramadol in the house isn't supplying but giving it to another person is.
(I'm a Pompous arse who is legally qualified)

MyBrightPeer · 23/01/2026 11:39

So many grown adults on this thread saying “well it’s boring so how could you expect them to behave?”

We have to endure boring things all the time. You do it because you love your family and want to celebrate them. Ultimately if you can’t get through a day without making it about yourself, you’re a crap family member.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 23/01/2026 11:01

Nodramalama85 · 23/01/2026 00:38

Yes, quite. I did say to him today the fact that he thinks this is acceptable behaviour is indicative of a much larger issue. I didn't know he was going to take them, he asked me for pain relief so I pointed him to the meds draw. L

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You need to take your prescription drugs out of the meds draw and put them somewhere he won't find them.
Just leave paracetamol and ibuprofen in the meds draw (plus all the usual: antacids, non-codeine cold meds, antihistamines, whatever else you take from over-the-counter).

Thelnebriati · 23/01/2026 10:59

Congratulations on your graduation!
I can't fathom adults who won't put themselves out for a couple of hours for someone they supposedly love. Its so immature.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 23/01/2026 10:51

I don't understand why you let them push you into attending. You know it would be dull for them and it was.

when I was 53 we attended DS's graduation. We all agreed it was mind numbingly boring and an absolute waste of money and we'd never do it again. I graduated the following year and DD two years after that. On both occasions we spent the money that would have been spent on the graduation ceremonies/gown hire etc and used it for private family celebrations instead.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 23/01/2026 10:49

I don't understand why you let them push you into attending. You know it would be dull for them and it was.

when I was 53 we attended DS's graduation. We all agreed it was mind numbingly boring and an absolute waste of money and we'd never do it again. I graduated the following year and DD two years after that. On both occasions we spent the money that would have been spent on the graduation ceremonies/gown hire etc and used it for private family celebrations instead.