Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

Your husband sounds useless, I’m
60s and my husband and all my friends husbands were more than capable of looking after their own children,

Experienced with babies or not!

No “catching”’up needed at all.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it a fact that babies don't realise they're separate from their mother for a good few months? That's when and why separation anxiety kicks in for them.

Wow….. I’m in shock that this even came off your finger tips!

To be a great mum/wife/friend…. Us mums need time out!

You'll hate me- I’m 38, love a weekends away with friends, love nights off to go dancing, love time out to go and sit with my mum and have a face mask on watch crap tv, love doing my hair and make up for a special occasion, love my family time, love going for dog walks…. The list goes on to things I love on my own and things I love as a mum. Neither make me less of a mother to my DD!

I really hope in 30/40 years time when you’ve given every hour of the day to your child and your child’s living abroad enjoying life tire not lonely, because you haven’t spent any time on yourself with friends!

so many people on MN act like men are heroes if they have to do 1/4 of what women are expected to do.

But are said women bringing in a 1/4 of the household income or working a 1/4 of the hours the man does? Because if not he's arguably doing more if he's the sole provider.

Sadly unless you have a nanny you will pretty much slwsys leave the house frazzled from now on. Whether you are all set and baby suddenly needs changing, to a toddler who is refusing to put their shoes on to pre teens who decide to move at the pace of a sloth despite knowing they had to be in the car 5 minutes ago, you can be as ready as ready, but they’ll drive you crazy! Embrace it, nothing lasts forever!!!

You and your husband sound very privileged if he was in a position to take 6 months parental leave each time. Most families don't have that luxury.
It's not just a question of setting the bar too low, it's mainly down to personal circumstances which vary greatly from couple to couple.

Also, most women are the primary carers of babies even in the West and fathers who are not are more likely to make mistakes. This is human. That's why fathers are statistically 3 times more likely to forget a baby in the back seat of a car than the mother.

I think you’re completely missing the point here…. He is a workaholic ( his choice)!!!
Our darling mother here works full time…. No break! I bet the DH in this gets to have a shower whenever he wants and never has to ask DW to ‘watch the baby’….. I bet DH gets to go for a shit at any point of the day yet DW has to take the baby with her to the toilet and enjoy a shit with two eyes staring at her. Ohhh the list goes on!!!

OP- you are not being unreasonable to want a bit of time to make yourself feel a little glam!

Ya DH is in for a shock this weekend, go and have fun and let your hair down. He’ll be ok! Baby will be ok! DH may appreciate you a bit more when your home.

check in when your back.

Have fun!!!!!!!

You have a 5 month old and are going without them to Europe for the weekend and you are complaining about not having enough time to do your hair? FFS!!! Id be wanting extra cuddles with my baby. You’re a mum now, spending hours getting ready takes a back seat. Im imagining you’re v young and want an instagram life? The real world isn’t really like this and Your baby won’t be little forever…

I'm sorry that your husband was a bit inept.

Many aren't. Mine was absolutely my equal and was (and is) a calm and competent parent. He did the first nappies, took on half of night feeds with my bottle fed baby, took 6m parental leave with each. In many ways he was more competent than me early on - I remember coming down one morning with him having totally cleaned the kitchen with our 4 day old baby in the sling, and breakfast ready for me. I couldn't multitask as well as him.

And yes, with our first (bottle fed one), I went out for the evening from about a week in because he was perfectly competent. I went away for the weekend when she was 3m because he was perfectly competent.

He didn't 'know' about babies before, but let's face it, they aren't rocket science 😂.

Too many give excuses for having the bar too low.

When the baby is with their other parent? No wonder so many men get away with weaponised incompetence .

Having sole financial responsibility is kinda stressful too tbf (if that's the case here).

I agree with you, a mother has instinct she is biologically programmed to look after a baby. Examples, they don't sleep deep and wake up at the first sound. Men don't have that. Plus, women lactate when the baby is crying. Again, biological iinstinct. Although I don't understand "start making strange" and I don't believe they think they are one and the same person for the first months. I don't think they think much at all, they just need their physiological needs met and nurturing.

Yanbu if you told him you were going to spend some time on your hair and makeup in the morning , before leaving. It's his own fault if he chose to work until 145am. Most parents with any sense would have been in bed before 11pm.

On her weekend away?

We have instincts which have evolved over millions of years which men do not have. We're equal but not the same no matter how much some people want that to be true. Also, babies think they are one and the same person as the mother for the first six to nine months of their life and they start making strange when they realise they are separate individuals.

I would have let him lie in a little bit longer

No, they're not non-issues - to some people they're almost essential to not losing yourself after having a baby. Not everyone wants to look like shit along with feeling like shit from sleep deprivation etc.

It is really not a competition why do you turn it into one? Why people do this? In this instance, OP dh came from work very late. OP wanted several hours to get herself ready. No need for that, OP was due to go to holiday dh was staying home with baby. In this instance she should have given him more time to sleep at least an hour or 2 and do her make up with the baby because she would have time to rest after which he didn't. Is that simple. Yes, mothers do it all the time but is the way it is, if the husband is working is no one's fault. Couples should work as a team not score points against eachother. The poster I quoted called the dh pathethic, this bothers me with no context people are quick to bash the man no matter what. I also do not agree with the posters bashing the mother for taking time off and being "oh, I could never do that, to leave my baby blah blah". That's fine but who asked you? Mind your own buisness don't go around being all sanctimonious and judging people, you are jo better for staying with your baby on the hip for 2 years, just your way to do it and that is fine. Give your opinion on the situation if you have one, don't judge and don't call people pathethic you know nothing about.

My husband, like most men, had no prior experience with babies until ours came along.

what experience do you think most of us women actually had with babies until we had our first?

Yabu

I grew up with younger siblings and had a lot of experience looking after babies growing up. Most men my age would not have been involved in the care of babies growing up with some exceptions of course. That's just reality.

TBH most women I know (sixties) would not have have left a baby in the care of the father overnight unless there was an emergency.

My husband, like most men, had no prior experience with babies until ours came along. He panicked once when DS was a few days old and got the hiccups for the first time. DS couldn't breath properly between crying and hiccuping and DH panicking. He arrived in the kitchen with the baby held out at arms length saying "Take him! He's not breathing!!. I sent him out of the room and calmed DS down as babies sense when the parent is stressed and that stresses them even more. After that, there was no way I would risk leaving him on his own with a baby. I was fine leaving him on his own on he was a toddler.

Men have a lot of catching up to do as until quite recently their involvement in childcare was quite limited.

She’s off on a jolly getting plenty of down time !

Sorry, I agree it's unreasonable to expect to have a few leisurely hours to yourself before a weekend away. I think it's courteous to shoulder more of the load before you go on a jaunt, if you're able - and you were able.

This.

You're both being a bit unreasonable. My DH would have happily had the kids so I could get ready however its far from a chilled time as often would be sorting final stuff that needs doing so would never have a couple of hours to get ready in peace, and TBH got harder as the kids got older and they had busy schedules for sports etc. Even now they are teens its super stressful going away as always so much to sort. We muck in together and I always make my expectations clear in advance in particular re times and what needs doing whilst I'm not there.

Its funny though, I will do everything in advance to make DHs life easier when I'm away eg sort dog walker to take pressure off, do the food shop whereas he, well, just leaves the house!