Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

I do a hobby at the weekend which takes me out of the house for half a day on the weekend- not every weekend but quite a few.

My DH doesn’t give me a hard time as he knows it’s super important to me (done it for years). BUT I always try and make sure he gets a few hours to himself on the other day and I purposely leave at the last minute on the day I am “out” to give him a bit of a break.

Personally I think giving your DH a bit of down time before he took over sole parenting is more important than hair etc- if he is well rested and happy it’s better for him and baby. Plus, surely you’d have time for hair and plenty of coffees over the rest of the weekend.

@LJ125 you need to tell that to @Peachepan 's husband fgs. 🤦‍♀️

True feminist right here!!!! 😆😂

I'm curious how OP's husband sabotages her in other ways and over other things.

Welcome to the world of parenting. You will have to leave the house frazzled at times.

Personally I think your unreasonable in this situation. He got in from work in the middle of the night and you want him to get up at 7 am to care for the baby so you can do your hair. Your getting a weekend off enjoy it but he needs sleep to.

who is having the baby for the whole weekend…He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend…

If you passed away OP, he would need to be tied down for every weekend/most of the time.

It puzzles me how parents (dads) decide to have a child then are not happy when they have to spend a full weekend parenting.

Oh hon that's just life with a 5 month old baby. Wherever you go you'll be frazzled. It's great you're getting some time away but the days where you could spend the morning doing your hair are gone now, for quite a while 💐

Then maybe we should be trying to shift it, rather than assuming that someone is incapable of looking after a baby because he has a penis.

👏🏽 good for you that you’ve reached a point in your life that you feel you don’t want to dress up and have time out with friends.

From a mother who has experienced post natal depression I needed time by myself and so is woman should help with that and not make another woman feel bad for having some time out.

Also people are forgetting a baby has TWO parents!!!! We all know everything is on the mother in the first few years ( I mean the children’s whole life but hey) these so called men need to step up and support. End of!

'A fair amount' and 'often' just isn't backed up by anything real. The dial has hardly shifted in real terms.

It is a passive aggressive way to punish the OP for making him do lone child care.

Where does his own accountability feature in this?

I assume you were meaning me with the 6m shared leave. No we live in the UK, but a few progressive employers allow the man to take SPL at full pay, whereas I was only on maternity allowance.

I know several other men who I have done similar, not all 6m, but quite a few took 2-3 months, others the mum had baby from 0-6m and the dad 6-12m.

It might be rare in your circles, but things have changed a fair amount culturally, and what was accepted of men 20 years ago often isn't any more!

I think you are being vv unreasonable and inconsiderate to expect to switch off from parenting hours before you needed to leave to ‘mentally prepare for a weekend away’. That’s was completely unnecessary whereas him managing to have some sleep after a very late night at work was far more important. I think that’s completely taking the p*ss and I would be so cross if my partner did that. We have an unsaid code that when one of us is away for a weekend, that parent steps up a bit more in terms of parenting before they go and for a short while when they get back to give the parent with solo care a little bit of a break. It’s balance.

He knew you were going away and chose to be up until 1.45am anyway.

People trying to reverse it are missing the point that almost never is the man fully responsible for the child at ALL OTHER TIMES.

I know how scary to think people leave their child with their own father…. Honestly 😆😆😆😆😆😆

I have plenty of friends thank you. Maybe I see tjings differently as I am an older mum (babies born at 39) I have triplets and there’s just me. So popping off for a weekend away without them is near on impossible. ! (But I’ve been away plenty with them ahaving wonderful adventures nd we’ve travelled and explored far and wide). As an older mum I’d done plenty of holidays and great nights out with friends long before they came along. I see this as a different chapter - one I love, of course I have nights out (paid for babysitter comes) but the days of spending 2 hours getting ready are behind me temporarily. And certainly not something I’d complain about. It’s just a different mindset.

btw - am sure it’s lovely to pamper yourself with your mum. As im 50 odd, Mine isn’t around anymore. My dad is, he’s 88. I see him my daily to help him with daily life.

so full time serious job, multiples, elderly father - prob why Im less empathetic about op not having time to do her make up. But I guess I should realise everyone has different tjings going on.

lol I’m a ‘you go girl’ fan!!!!
but let me burst your little bubble for one moment….. I have a husband who has weekends off and goes away, wanna know what I do for him so he has his own time…. I take our DD & 2 dogs to my parents for the weekend so he can fully relax!
Get off ya high horse and start showing more woman support!!!!

Sorry to disappoint you but he's a great father and once our ds was a bit bigger he was spending as much time on childcare as I was. I am just pointing out that in the first year babies are particularly vulnerable and mothers are programmed to look after them in a way that men are not. I am in my sixties and have never met a man in my age bracket or younger who has taken 6 months' paternity leave - they're as rare as hens' teeth - do you live in Sweden by any chance?

You said it before I could.
Some women are misogynists.

@Jamandtoastfortea

Noooo, some women still care about these things - hair and makeup - even after becoming a parent. And you know what? It doesn’t make them a better or worse parent than one who has stopped caring what they look like. There are no rewards for being a martyr and depriving oneself.

I'm wondering if the posters who are all 'you go girl' would respond the same if the dad were off for a jolly for the weekend and didn't want to take care of the baby before going because he was grooming himself / going to the gym or something. I expect we'd be hearing LTB.

I'm self employed so it made sense. It wasn't privilege, it was planning, and a man who wanted to take an active role from day 1.

Lack of privilege isn't what stops some men from mucking you with parenting there is it? It's a misogynistic belief that having a penis somehow gives him a get out of parenting card. One that many women seem to reinforce by assuming that just because their man is rubbish most are.

Oh, and in the early days it was him that woke at the slightest stir to feed baby, whilst I was still asleep. So this 'only mums are tuned in ' line is just rubbish. I was more in the ball with my bf baby because he couldn't feed her, so his subconscious alert status was lower.

Our kids are now 6&8 and have (for different reasons) both got chronic sleep issues. For most of that time he's been working whilst juggling sleep deprivation, just as much as me.

op- don’t feel you need to justify how you spend your time to anyone!
Frick me your DH should have allowed you to have some you time!

It really sounds as if you're not in this together re parenthood. Your dh is not supportive at all. Sorry.