Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

Usually internalised misogyny = 'women who have the cheek to disagree with me'.

Because he’s the one that spends every waking moment with the baby whilst the wife does everything she can to avoid having to parent?
if not, it’s a stupid comparison and clearly irrelevant 🤷‍♀️

I don’t know why the rampant internalised misogyny on here is still able to surprise me

I think YABU. he hadn't had a lot of sleep getting in late from work, and you don't actually need a few hours to get ready. I don't think doing your hair and makeup alone was more important than his sleep. I think if either parent is about to take a weekend away as time for themselves, they should do a bit extra before they go to allow the other parent a bit of rest before they do all the parenting alone.

Yes maternal depravation is detrimental to a baby's brain and development, but this isn't forever it's a weekend.

Hilarious typo here given the context.

I thought the same. There is no way my 5 month old would have sat there for 2 hours while i leisurely did my hair and got ready for a trip. Even taking a shower required very careful planning, timing, and choice of toys, to give me the 60 seconds I needed to do something as basic as showering.

I have 3 dc and a busy job and go out, and I really value time to get ready and especially when going away - when the dc are there they take up 80% of my brain and I really need to work to focus on what I need and if I have everything. I’d expect time from my husband supporting me to go away to include that- it’s not really support from him if the only time he will parent is if I’m physically not there.

Next time leave the house earlier and do your hair and makeup somewhere else between the house and where you're going. The gym, leisure centre, your friends, your mum's, the car.

I've learned the hard way to put a buffer in

Might be a different story if you didn’t have the option of going to your parents who would
presumably help you with DD over the weekend- vastly different circumstances to being solely responsible for a 5 month old with potentially no support (not suggesting OP said this but you can’t just assume everyone has parents nearby/willing to support)

You understand formula fed babies still require feeding every 3 hours yes? And most FF mums don’t just bring them into bed with them - they have to get up and make the bottles etc. So less of the jealousy/bitterness towards FF babies and their mums!

I'm curious why you can't support OP?

It depends on whether he had the choice not to be home before 2am?

Your baby should not be watching cartoons so this is hardly great parenting either

What kind of bizarrely easy, placed babies did you have? My mind boggles at what life would have been like with babies who would do this, except I can’t think it would be positive thing for them to just be put in a bassinet etc to “kick about” for large sections of the day.

Mine very rarely stayed lying happily anywhere during their waking hours. DS maybe for short periods, DD pretty much never! (Pay off - she’s now 17 and has been an incredibly easy teenager to parent!)

I think YANBU

I remember this well from when mine were small- the lack of any opportunity to get ready for things. It really sucks. Especially as society expects alot more from women in terms of presentation.

I think he should have been in charge of the baby.

Hello, I'm not who you replied to but I thought I'd reply as I have a first with honours in my early childhood development degree! I know all about Bowlby, Maslow et al. The baby will be fine away from their mum for 2 days. Yes maternal depravation is detrimental to a baby's brain and development, but this isn't forever it's a weekend. This will give baby and dad a great chance to bond (which they should already have a decent bond by 5 months anyway).

His relationship with the baby is important too, and a secure relationship with both caregivers is exactly what could be the outcome here. Giving mum a break to recharge so she can be a mentally capable parent and giving Dad one to one time that he likely lacks due to his work schedule.

I don’t really understand why, with or without a baby, it requires a couple of hours to get ready to leave for a weekend, especially when you say the baby had already been fed, house was clean and presumably you had packed. I’m not sure pre-or post children it ever took me two hours to get ready in such a leisurely fashion. It’s not unreasonable to want to have a shower and do your make up, but surely we all left behind the multi-hour preparations when we hit our 20s?

I also don’t really understand how much looking after a five month old needed while all this was going on. Why did the baby need to be in a sling? If your husband had taken over as you wished, he would still have been in the house with the baby, probably sitting at the same breakfast table as you? Or were you expecting him to leave the house so you had to complete peace getting ready?

cant speak for others but in my case I mean as an older mum, I’d already done that chapter for a really long time, and now I’m excited by different things. If I’d had my children in my 20s I might still be yearning for all those experiences at the same time as caring for my children, but in my case I’ve had them already, I’ve finished partying for now and am enjoying different things. As an example Some people go to university at 18 then never think about studying agsin. Others go straight to work and at 30 decide they want to retrain and become a mature student. Neither is right or wrong thry are jyst different paths.

Just btw - I have never said I don’t dress up. Fwiw Im “dressed up” daily for work as I have a corporate role. Im dressed up whenever I see my friends or go out for dinner etc and whenever I go on days out with my kids. Feeling nice about myself is important. I just don’t need it to be a drama and these days Im speedy because needs must. Not all babies have 2 parents, sometimes I is tragically not there right from the early days.

What do you mean ‘have’ the baby -why would a baby need to be in a sling at 7am unless you are out somewhere ??
If he/shes fed and changed and winded then she lays in the bassinet /bouncy chair kicking about surely while DH naps till you go as finished work late, and you get sorted showering /doing hair faffing about packing last minute to leave no?

@Tigger18

are they really though? Why can’t op do her hair while her baby is next to her in a bouncer?

Why?!

He's an adult, he can cope. He can boil some water and chuck in pasta at the very least.

@Jamandtoastfortea

see I’ll never understand when people say stuff when they become parents that they had plenty of years of nice holidays, nights out with friends, meals out in good restaurants etc like there’s some internal quota for this, and once you’ve had so many you just don’t want/need any more. Is this really the case?? I mean I could say to you, you’ve had years and years of weekend, do you really need/want more now, for example? And I’m sure you’d object

If he’s got in at 2am and you’ve done your hair and makeup, why do you need breakfast etc totally alone in silence before you go? What are you mentally preparing for? 5 months old aren’t mobile and are pretty easy so eating breakfast etc if you’re otherwise ready isn’t that physically demanding.

I'm curious how did you decide from him coming home late that was sabotage and he might do it in other ways? Ffs!

Primping. AHH I got very fast at that. Was years before I got that luxury back.