Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

@EspressoMachiato

what about leaving a baby with a sleep deprived mother?? Because I would imagine that is a scenario that plays out in millions and millions of homes across the world.

are you trying to say that women don’t need sleep in the way men do…?? That they can cope better??

I am the wage earner in my family when kid was young. I certainly didn’t get to have time off from parenting just because I was the worker. Doing 60 hours a week and also all the home stuff that men seem to check out of because they have something dangling between their legs! It’s a complete double standard. Plus it sounds like this dude is a workaholic and won’t switch off. Walking into a heart attack at 50 from stress. There is no point in martyring yourself at work. If you have an accident and die on your way to work. Your employer will have job advertisements out by end of week or sooner.

He’s gonna have a big shock seeing how much needs to be done to run the home and sounds like everything is prepped as well.

It's not martyrdom to put your baby first - why have one in the first place if hair and makeup override the baby's best interst?

OP sounds selfish imho - her husband may be too.

However, he is setting up his own business and is a workaholic which she probably knew before having a baby with him.

It's most likely he worked until nearly 2 in the morning to free up his time on Friday so she could head off for a long weekend.

I think she's unreasonable to also want to get him up after only 5 hours sleep and after working a double-shift so she can do her make-up and hair...

Leaving a baby with a sleep-deprived husband is not in the baby's best interest no matter what way you look at it.

@EspressoMachiato

nonsense. Looking after a baby isn’t beyond a man’s capabilities, it just isn’t. Just because they haven’t had to because of the patriarchy doesn’t mean that that they can’t. And frankly it’s about time more women started like the OP and giving them more opportunity to prove this!

At the end of the day not every woman wants to be a martyr to motherhood 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't have left my baby for a weekend away when she was this young, but thats just me I suppose. Men aren't women and aren't capabable of dealing with babies and house managament stress on their own the way we are, I would have worried too much about leaving them.

I wouldn't have left my baby for a weekend away when she was this young, but thats just me I suppose. Men aren't women and aren't capabable of dealing with babies and house managament stress on their own the way we are, I would have worried too much about leaving them.

What’s an extra few hours on top of a long weekend eh???? Society has made woman feel guilty for years if they spend any time away from their baby but have they with men? Has anyone questioned anything men do, they purely get a “nice to see a man babysitting his child”…. And my husband has had this exact comment while out with our child.

Not usually unless the mother has health issues or an addiction of some kind.
You're being facetious and deliberately ignoring reality.

We are a di-morphic species so women's bodies have evolved over millions of years to carry babies and later to feed babies - men's have not and as a result men have not traditionally taken care of babies and the overwhelming majority of men alive today still do not, so society has a lot of changing to do before that becomes the norm anywhere. There's also the question of instinct which is particularly important during the first year when babies are incredibly vulnerable.

@rwalker

but did he reallllllly need to work so late?? OP is implying not…

are dads nervous when they leave their baby with their mother?

I wouldn't have left my baby for a weekend away when she was this young, but thats just me I suppose. Men aren't women and aren't capabable of dealing with babies and house managament stress on their own the way we are, I would have worried too much about leaving them.

He was working

No, I meant the people accusing others of having internalised misogyny are often just annoyed the other person doesn't agree, whether or not they realise this. It's a bit of a cognitive dissonance for a lot of feminists to comprehend that many women don't agree with them, because they usually have this absolute self assurance that what they themselves believe is the best thing for women.

Ergo somebody that disagrees is displaying misogyny because a feminist could never possibly be wrong about anything.

If I’m going away for a weekend for the first time since having a baby, and my dh chooses to stay out till 2, im pretty fucking unimpressed. He was already booked to look after this baby, including while I get ready in the morning. So he sucks it up and parents.

No I don’t know any gay men couples with a baby ( not sure why that matters) don’t know any divorced men, or widows!

Are you a man? You seem to be always pushing to ‘imagine the other way round’ narrative!?

The type of person that expects to have a few hours away from her baby right before leaving the baby for 3 or 4 days IS NOT the type of person to not ask her husband to watch their baby whilst she showers.
Unless she's suddenly had a complete switch in personality.

You don't know any divorced couple who share custody? Honestly?

You don't know any widower?

And actually, you don't know any gay couple where 2 men raise a child?

How could that be a rarity? Even if it's not for days on end, when parents have several children, it's not always mum who stays with the baby and dad who goes with the older ones?

Of course it's not practical with new born when mums who try to establish breastfeeding, but that aside? I even had work colleagues who came to the office to show off their babies, mum was nowhere nearby.

I am not sure it's getting off lightly if your wife doesn't trust you and refuse to let you spend time with your own baby.

Can you imagine the other way round?Your husband never letting you out of his sight if you were with the baby? It's insane.

LOL
Well, of course. Duh!
That's the nature of internalised misogyny and why it is SO insidious. One is hardly going to be able to acknowledge it, especially if they don't exactly understand it and just react... "Misogyny? No way. I'm a woman, I can't have it, you're just saying that because you don't agree with me" 😂

Besides,it was more of a general comment. I assumed that a gap and a ".on here.."would indicate that. Not that it really matters as I wasn't actually disagreeing with you. Obviously, without knowing whether the criteria was the same, it was a pointless/irrelevant comparison. Can only dismiss it rather than agree or disagree 🤷‍♀️

So yeah, this thread is a hotbed of internalised misogyny

I think you’re completely missing the point here…. He is a workaholic ( his choice)!!!
Our darling mother here works full time…. No break! I bet the DH in this gets to have a shower whenever he wants and never has to ask DW to ‘watch the baby’….. I bet DH gets to go for a shit at any point of the day yet DW has to take the baby with her to the toilet and enjoy a shit with two eyes staring at her. Ohhh the list goes on!!!

OP- you are not being unreasonable to want a bit of time to make yourself feel a little glam!

Ya DH is in for a shock this weekend, go and have fun and let your hair down. He’ll be ok! Baby will be ok! DH may appreciate you a bit more when your home.

check in when your back.

Have fun!!!!!!!

He's a 'recovering workaholic' so addicted to work.

He would rather be at work than with his child. He deliberately worked far, far later than he needed to and expected to be able to lie in the next morning whilst his wife got herself and the baby up, fed, washed and dressed, sorted out the dog, cleared up the house and wanted half an hour to herself to get ready before leaving for her one weekend away.

And people think he's a saint for this? The bar is low here people.

‘Tied down for the weekend’…has no-one told him kids are for life 😂