Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

467 replies

Peachepan · 22/01/2026 14:32

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old. It’s 7 am and I was getting ready for my fist weekend away to a European city with a friend:

I woke up early as I wanted to put in a bit of effort with my hair and make up. So I gave myself plenty of time.

Baby had been fed. Dog had been let out and fed too. I told dh you’ve got him [the baby] now. Dh points out you’re not due to leave for a few hours. So I should be the one with the baby. In a sling he suggests.

Fo context, Dh got home very late from work (1:45 am). He’s a business owner. And a recovering workaholic who is having the baby for the whole weekend. He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend but it’s only fair I get so me time. And he promised when we had the baby he would adjust his ways.

Anyway there was a lot of sniping. And I ended with the baby. It just really pissed me off. As I wanted a leisurely morning. I was anxious as I was leaving the baby, out in the world for the first time in ages, not feeling great about my body etc.

Should dh have been more helpful?

OP posts:
steff13 · 22/01/2026 14:53

WallaceinAnderland · 22/01/2026 14:45

5 hours is plenty when you have a baby. When does OP get a lie in?

The days that she's away on her trip?

SarahAndQuack · 22/01/2026 14:52

If you'd been very clear with him then I would be a bit narked, ok.

Why did he need to get in at 1.45? Was that in the plan when he agreed to be up at 7?

TwoLeggedGrooveMachine · 22/01/2026 14:51

I think expecting to have hours to groom yourself with awake small children around is unreasonable. How long do you really need to do your hair and put on a bit of makeup? My DH never begrudged me having a social life but I got very used to a quick turn around from being mum to going out on the town. I’m sure you look great without hours of getting ready.

ImSweetEnough · 22/01/2026 14:51

You had fed the baby (and the dog) so what was there for him to actually do? He could have just put baby into the buggy and taken them out for a walk or to the park. Or just sat and watched TV.

I am with you, OP. Have a nice weekend.

Arlanymor · 22/01/2026 14:48

I would have let him sleep and only woken him an hour before I needed to leave. It's all about give and take. You've got a nice long, leisurely weekend ahead of you - he doesn't. The hours he does at work (does he provide for you all?) are another matter to be discussed at another time and I'm not saying it's right or normal to get in at almost 2am at the end of a work day (unless it's shifts), but on this occasion, knowing that he was going to do all of the parenting for 48 hours, I would have let him rest.

Original poster
Peachepan · 22/01/2026 14:46

I just didn’t want to leave the house feeling frazzled

OP posts:
RestartingForNY · 22/01/2026 14:45

I think in general your not being unreasonable to want support from him - and the good news is he seems to be giving it if you are heading off on a weekend away whilst he solo parents. In this specific example you are being unreasonable - having a few hours to get ready to go out just is not a thing when you have children - maybe the last 15 minutes....

WallaceinAnderland · 22/01/2026 14:45

5 hours is plenty when you have a baby. When does OP get a lie in?

Meadowfinch · 22/01/2026 14:44

He's had 5 hours sleep and you're worrying about your makeup ! 🙄 I can see how that wouldn't go down well.

Do your make up in departures and let him get some sleep now, so he's better able to cope with 48 hours without any support.

And "prepare mentally" ? It's a weekend jolly not a pitch to a corporate financier,

YABU

Original poster
Peachepan · 22/01/2026 14:43

Upstartled · 22/01/2026 14:39

What is a recovering workaholic...do you mean he prefers to be at work or that he is recovering from burnout?

He has a tendency to over do it with work/his business. The long, unsociable hours didn’t overly bother me pre kids. But dh promised he would cut back once kids arrived as I didn’t want to feel like a single mother.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peachepan · 22/01/2026 14:41

I’ve gone out of my way to make it easy. House is spotless. Food has been meal prepped. Have arranged brother to take dog for a few long walks etc.

OP posts:
shouldofgotamortage · 22/01/2026 14:40

Your being unreasonable

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 22/01/2026 14:40

Rover83 · 22/01/2026 14:35

If I got in from work at 2am and my DH wanted me to look after a 5 month old at 7am so he could spend time doing his hair I'd be a bit pissed off unless I was already awake! Had you let him know your expectations in advance?

Edited

Honestly this.

In our house the one who is buggering off on a jolly generally "leaves things nice" for the other.

So all other things being equal unless you were very clear he was on the clock from 9am so you could get ready and he thought it was from 11am when you leave because you are the default parent yabu.

Buttttt it sounds like theres more at play here (the "recovering workaholic") and maybe worth looking at who is doing what more generally.
Maybe he can "work at" being arpund more and doing more parenting ?

For now have wine and Enjoy the weekend!

Upstartled · 22/01/2026 14:39

What is a recovering workaholic...do you mean he prefers to be at work or that he is recovering from burnout?

Original poster
Peachepan · 22/01/2026 14:39

SarahAndQuack · 22/01/2026 14:36

I think you both need to talk more. You're both sleep deprived and it's so easy to get stroppy. If he was up to 1.45 and is having a 5 month old all weekend, he probably doesn't want to be up at 7 with the baby, and if you just sprung it on him as you describe, then no wonder he was cross. OTOH if he's a workaholic you probably feel you're usually doing things with the baby and want a break.

Another time maybe just arrange beforehand?

He knew I wanted to have the morning to “prepare” myself mentally. Dh is fully aware this pregnancy has knocked my confidence and I’ve had a tiny bit of the baby blues.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 22/01/2026 14:36

I think you both need to talk more. You're both sleep deprived and it's so easy to get stroppy. If he was up to 1.45 and is having a 5 month old all weekend, he probably doesn't want to be up at 7 with the baby, and if you just sprung it on him as you describe, then no wonder he was cross. OTOH if he's a workaholic you probably feel you're usually doing things with the baby and want a break.

Another time maybe just arrange beforehand?

Rover83 · 22/01/2026 14:35

If I got in from work at 2am and my DH wanted me to look after a 5 month old at 7am so he could spend time doing his hair I'd be a bit pissed off unless I was already awake! Had you let him know your expectations in advance?