Giving the ring back - Settle a debate?

I was engaged, first time, at 19 years old. (back in the 1980's)
When he dumped me, 3 years later, it didn't even occur to me to give the ring back. It was quite cheap anyway as we were so young (and he was a mahoosive cheapskate!),

I gave it to my oldest daughter who now wears it on her right hand because, despite being cheap, it is very pretty and dainty. I have zero emotional or sentimental attachment to it and it is lovely to see it being worn and not left in a jewellery box somewhere.

Yep! My aunty was married previously and paid for her own engagement ring (I think a friend bought it off her after the divorce as it was just a nice ring, not obviously an engagement one) and another friend the ring was bought out of their joint account so I guess they each own half?!

I think if it's a heirloom it should be handed back, but otherwise i think the woman should keep it. It is a 'gift' to her after all. Me and my partner discussed this and his view is "it's yours now".

What if that woman needs to sell the ring in order to help fund her escape from an abusive or otherwise shitty man? I also wouldn't see it as scruffy if a woman sells her ring in order to fund a holiday or a nice treat to help heal after a man has been awful to her or messed her around. Good on her.

Any cheating from him, keep it.
Friendly break up, give it back

If they are only engaged personally I think it would be morally right to give it back, even more so if it was his gran's ring or something. I imagine if he cheated you are keeping it and getting some money for it.

Depends on what led to the decision not to marry. Broadly speaking, if you decide not to marry fiancé because you have gone off him, then you return the ring.

If he dumps you for your best friend, you keep the ring.

Obviously there are more nuanced outcomes but I think that’s the basic morality of it.

No I'd keep it I think. Or sell it.

If the person who gave it to me was actually really really nice, and I dumped them but they genuinely did absolutely nothing wrong, and they had hardly any money, then I guess I might give it back. If it was worth enough for them to use the money for something useful.

If the person was so horrifically abusive that just the sight of it gave PTSD symptoms then I'd probably throw it in the canal.

If the ring was a family heirloom then I think regardless of what happened, morally I would give it back. Even if I wasn’t in the “wrong” I’d still feel guilty keeping onto my ex’s great nans ring if you see what I mean.

If it was newly bought (not passed down):

If I was married and we divorced I’d keep the ring. If I was just engaged I’d keep the ring if the reason for ending it was because of my partner. If for example I just decided I didn’t want to marry him anymore then I would probably give it back, yes.

the law in the UK. https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1970/33/section/3

DH and I had completely joint finances prior to getting married. There’s absolutely no way to say who paid for my wedding ring or engagement necklace, they came from joint funds, but he definitely sees the as mine (and always has) and would be totally perplexed if I tried to give them ‘back’ if we divorced. They’re probably worth less than a grand combined though (cost slightly more than this).

I think this is the law in the UK. Possibly unwritten though

Even if the ring-giver was a cheat, or committed a crime, or was abusive?

Judge Judy always gives the engagement ring back to whoever bought it regardless of who broke it off. It's given in contemplation of marriage. No marriage, it goes back.

Obviously, that's in the US, but I happen to agree with it. Morally, it's the only right thing to do even if legally, in the UK, it's not.

I split up with a fiancé. I gave him the ring back. It just seemed like right thing to do, considering that I’d broken his heart. A few years later I saw on Insta that he had given it to his new wife 😂 which is delightfully thrifty, good luck to him. I do wonder if she knows though!

I think it greatly depends on the circumstances of the break-up. Who dumped who and why, basically.

Man gives woman an expensive engagement ring and she dumps him a month later because she's decided she doesn't fancy him any more = she should give the ring back.

Man gives woman an expensive engagement ring and she dumps him a month later because he hit her = she should keep the ring.

Man gives woman an expensive engagement ring and he dumps her because he changes his mind and isn't ready to commit = she should keep the ring.

Man gives woman an expensive engagement ring and he dumps her because he discovers she's been fucking his brother = she should give the ring back.

And so on.

We were already living together with a mortgage and 2 children, our money came/and still does come out of a shared 'pot', we went and chose it together, so I guess we paid 50/50.

First reply nails it.

Mine was bought from joint account, as were our wedding rings.

Depends on why the marriage isn’t going ahead. So I guess whose fault

a cheating lying fiancé who got the other person into debt or cheated I wouldn’t have much sympathy over the other person keeping the ring and selling it to clear a credit card! 🤣

You go engaged and followed through ergo your rings. Breaks off before marriage - give them back!

A couple of years ago somebody posted her engagement ring on a local Facebook bartering page. Lots of advice to sell it and spend the money on something for herself but she genuinely didn't want to give it that much value. I forget what the barter was but she came across as brave, witty and determined.

The thought behind giving it back is so they can sell/return it and re-coup their money, or as much as they can.
It's obviously different in the UK.

Yes bought mine with a massive bonus! We had joint finances by then so yes, I effectively ought half but as it was my bonus I decided the price!

Etiquette is if she breaks it off, she returns the ring, as while it's a 'gift' it's a conditional gift on the agreement to marry him.
If he breaks it off, she keeps it as compensation for the breached promise.

It's a gift, so it shouldn't be given back.

I kept my engagement ring when I split with my ex - a few months later I threw it in the sea. It was very cathartic!