Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Giving the ring back - Settle a debate?

303 replies

ChicJoker · 22/01/2026 13:44

Hypothetical, debating a friend. If a couple are engaged and then breakup, should the ring be given back? Does the value of the ring influence your decision?

OP posts:
JaceLancs · 24/01/2026 21:25

I have been engaged 4 times and never given a ring back
First time I paid as he had no money
Second time he paid - when we split I didn’t offer it back as he had become quite abusive - to the point I had to get a restraining order
Third time we did actually get married - he paid for the ring and we had 2 DC - as he cheated on me I didn’t offer the ring back
Fourth time - I part exchanged some other jewellery and he paid the rest - when we split he told me to keep it (we are still friends and I still wear it)

HevenlyMeS · 24/01/2026 21:19

Yes sometimes this is so
Depends sometimes on which one of them earns more 🫂
I know it seems unromantic, but it does sometimes happen 💚

HessianSack · 24/01/2026 21:09

ApricotAndPersimmon · 24/01/2026 20:01

We do what we have to do x. Did your husband know?

Show quote history

Yes, he was fine with it. It wasn’t a particularly special ring. My current engagement ring is an heirloom and I’ve been told if anything happens, it stays in the family!

Salyexley · 24/01/2026 20:49

It's not a gift

Salyexley · 24/01/2026 20:48

Legally ring should be given back at least on Judge Judy, but if its not you keep your nose out, in none on your concern

Whatyegettingonlikethatfor · 24/01/2026 20:33

Lopteluga · 22/01/2026 14:01

Yes, should be returned, ideally thrown at them in a public argument.

What if the recipient of the ring was the cause of the break up?

HJC88 · 24/01/2026 20:14

Well, if she dumped him she should give the ring back, but if it's the other way round she can keep it unless it's a family heirloom in which case it should be returned.

Retiredandhappychappy · 24/01/2026 20:13

ChicJoker · 22/01/2026 13:44

Hypothetical, debating a friend. If a couple are engaged and then breakup, should the ring be given back? Does the value of the ring influence your decision?

You have a contract and give an engagement ring in contemplation of a marriage. If the marriage does not go ahead then the contract is broken and the ring should be given back.

Marosanne · 24/01/2026 20:10

I think it depends who breaks it off.

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 24/01/2026 20:04

Soozie6 · 24/01/2026 20:01

Yes you do. A ring is given 'In contempkation if marriage'. If the marriage doesn't happen, legally the ring must be returned

Show quote history

This is not the case in the UK

Squeakydogtoy · 24/01/2026 20:03

The ring was given with the intention of marriage. That didn't happen, so the ring should be returned

2chocolateoranges · 24/01/2026 20:03

I wouldn’t give the ring back, it was given as a gift!

ApricotAndPersimmon · 24/01/2026 20:01

HessianSack · 24/01/2026 18:25

I kept mine. Years later I used it as part payment for my wedding ring when I married my now husband. Probably not the done thing but money was tight 😂

We do what we have to do x. Did your husband know?

Soozie6 · 24/01/2026 20:01

Reassurancells · 22/01/2026 13:45

Morally yes. Legally you don’t have to in the U.K. I don’t think

Yes you do. A ring is given 'In contempkation if marriage'. If the marriage doesn't happen, legally the ring must be returned

ApricotAndPersimmon · 24/01/2026 20:00

WildCats24 · 22/01/2026 13:50

Depends on who broke off the engagement. If the giver of the ring breaks it off, then the receiver keeps it. If the receiver of the ring breaks it off, she gives it back.

Perfect answer.

ManyATrueWord · 24/01/2026 19:58

The ring is the property of the purchaser. The accepting person is wearing it as a token of their promise. If you don't accept the proposal of marriage you don't get the ring. If you change your mind and decline the proposal of marriage after all you have to give the ring back.

Jesslovesengineering · 24/01/2026 19:55

Doseofreality · 22/01/2026 13:47

Give it back, I think it would be odd to do otherwise. Selling it is just scruff behaviour.

Or potentially a way to feed your kids, like my mother had to, by spawning her rings when we were homeless at Christmas and my POS father had emptied their account and was refusing to pay any maintenance, to try to force her to go back to him.

But yeah, from your ivory tower I guess it just looks like "scruff behaviour".

Grendel7 · 24/01/2026 19:51

ChicJoker · 22/01/2026 13:44

Hypothetical, debating a friend. If a couple are engaged and then breakup, should the ring be given back? Does the value of the ring influence your decision?

Traditionally,if the girl breaks it she gives it back, if he breaks it off she keeps it. Its nothing more than a reservation,like a train seat,so not to be thought of as a gift the way jewllery usually would be.

Supermansleftnipple · 24/01/2026 18:53

WildCats24 · 22/01/2026 13:50

Depends on who broke off the engagement. If the giver of the ring breaks it off, then the receiver keeps it. If the receiver of the ring breaks it off, she gives it back.

I agree with this. That said, i broke off one engagement and kept the ring as it was a cheap stand in, and am now separated (my choice) but still wear the ring on my other hand as it was paid for out of savings that included an inheritence i received. Family heirlooms should be returned either way though i think.

Dimdam · 24/01/2026 18:45

Nope the values does not matter, if you give someone a present/ring don’t expect it back, you either give it to them selflessly or give it to them with conditions, if you give it to them with conditions then you never really gave it to them

Personally I would not belittle myself and be so petty as to ask for the ring or any other gift back, I’m way to proud and stoic for stuff like that

Leave, cut ties, no contact and move on and enjoy single life, life is cheaper without a partner, work a bit harder and save some money.

However if they wish to give it back it’s up to you if you want to take it, I personally wouldn’t , when I give a lover or anyone else something it’s theirs to keep

I value peace off mind over petty squabbling over material goods

GavinStacey · 24/01/2026 18:41

I had a broken engagement due to me damaging his car in an accident! I returned a beautiful, expensive necklace his great aunt gave me but I kept the ring and gave it to my mum to wear, which she still wears 40 years later. I did get his beloved car repaired, which cost more than the ring!

HessianSack · 24/01/2026 18:25

I kept mine. Years later I used it as part payment for my wedding ring when I married my now husband. Probably not the done thing but money was tight 😂

Pyjamatimenow · 24/01/2026 18:21

If the giver breaks it off or has treated receiver badly and wasted her time it’s fine to keep and sell or whatever.

Nickisli1 · 24/01/2026 17:57

Defintely keep! It was a gift! Someone 'asking for the ring back' is being petty!

OneFootAfterTheOther · 24/01/2026 15:52

Family heirloom - yes. Otherwise would depend on why we broke up.