To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

Umm, you make it sound like Victorian England. Screens - personal ones anyway, are very recent, last 15 years. Mine had basic tablets with just a few games on and CBBC when they were about 8 or so, and DD2 is 16 so that was 2018. It wasn't a thing before the 2010s. And I never had to limit screen time as they naturally wanted to do physical play as well.

Of course a little bit of screen time is ok. It's also important what they are watching.
But using lots of screen time to do things isn't good for children, it's backed up by research. Personally I notice when my children have had too much and I scale it back. Behaviour changes. So it's limited in our house and they don't get to watch really overstimulating programs. But I'm also in Germany where there is generally less screen time for kids.

My ds has had screen time since a baby and a tablet since 2. He’s excelling at school and gets glowing reports. I do always make him read his book and do homework before the TV goes on. He also goes to the park daily.

I really don’t see the harm. I remember being glued to the TV as a kid and came out with good grades.

Giving a toddler a screen as a pacifier on a regular basis not a great idea

My kids watched a lot of TV when they were small, but I think this is a lot different to spending hours on tablets and phones. One thing that always concerned me about ipads is that kids can get access to other stuff (via YouTube recommendations for example) and you can't control so much what they're watching.

I think it also depends on the child. My DD had not much interest in gaming, my son could've played 24/7. But... they often played together, really imaginative games and I made sure they had time for this every day. When I was cooking though, I had to get dinner on the table, so the TV went on.

I admit that I sometimes used the TV/technology to preserve my sanity, but this is also important. Me going mental was not going to help my kids! I can say that my kids are almost adults now and have turned into really nice well-balanced people, despite all the TV and gaming that I used to worry about and feel bad about. Sometimes we worry when we're in the thick of it, but a lot of time it turns out OK!

I believe everything is ok in moderation, including screens.

When DS was born I had serious PFB syndrome and we did not allow screens at all.

He hit his motor milestones but did not hit his speech and language milestones and he did not play with toys either. He was destructive. He liked to pull things apart to see how they worked but did not have the skills to put them back together.

He also did not, and to this day almost 7 years later, sleep through the night.

He got his autism diagnosis aged 3.

When SALT got involved it was all "talk more, red books, narrate what you're doing, narrate what he's doing" and it felt like I'd run out of words to use by the end of the day. I was talking so much I was losing my voice and my mind.

I posted on reddit and some people recommended things like yakka dee, twirlywoos etc that model functional language, and it gave me a much needed break and lo and behold he started picking up language too. He will always have a lifelong speech delay, but screens gave him the language he needed by providing functional phrases that he understood and engaged with, gestalts, echolalia that we could build on for helping him meet his needs.

He also struggled with patience and waiting his turn, made no progress in school with the various therapies and interactions listed in his EHCP, but after introducing video games where he can try and fail and try again on his own timetable when he is ready to engage rather than on an adult led schedule has worked wonders for him and his ability to wait. It's the difference between waiting in a queue with some mild agitation and just not leaving the house at all for us and living a completely isolated life.

I also have a family member with a very young child who has been given screens since the second he entered this world and he has unmoderated access, is behind on his speech milestones, and now this family member is pushing for an autism diagnosis on the basis he isn't talking, when the content he watches is pure brain rot, not educational, and he doesn't get talked to, he gets talked around. I'm not discounting it's a possibility but it feels very neglectful to me that the work has not been put in to see if a change of environmental factors would make a difference for him in terms of his development, and he is categorically an iPad kid. I try not to be judgemental about it, but even talking to this child myself results in tears because it's an interruption of his screen time.

They watched TV

What did they do before tv existed?

It’s just another way for parents to feel superior over one another. For me, it’s all about balance. Kids shouldn’t be mindlessly scrolling 24/7 at the expense of going out, playing, interacting with others etc. But half an hour here and there so you can get housework done is not an issue. My ds is a big gamer but he also plays loads of sport. If he wants to relax on his PS then I’m not going to stop him. Half of the time I’m scrolling on my phone anyway so who am I to judge.

It’s not judgy to be worried about children.
Experienced reception and infant school children are noticing dramatic changes in school children.
I volunteer with children and want them to grow and develop and have opportunities. Leaders dealing with the youngest 4-6 group are noticing similar issues to school teachers.
In OP’s case older family members are noticing effect it’s having on them.

I think in particular tablets are the worst offender here- they can literally just walk around glued to it having constant stimulation designed to be addictive, they don't stand a chance against that. Adults struggle to limit their own screen time let alone children.
im not judging because I had about a solid year where my mental health was really bad and my kids were young where I let them be pretty much constantly on their tablets. It was very detrimental to their behaviour and general happiness and development.
we don't have tablets any more (but do allow
an amount of screen time just not excessive) and they are thriving.
I think there needs to be more regulations regarding content aimed at children- particularly very small pre school children. Coco melon etc is so over stimulating and I don't think it should be allowed. whereas even just CBeebies shows are some ha educational and usually slower paced, kids won't sit in a trance watching CBeebies all day they'd get bored and do other things.

You'd be surprised.

I know someone who gives their 14 year old unlimited access to smart phone and gaming.

Games until at least 3am in the morning on a school night and then they are worried he is always tired at school.

Hi OP. Firstly I fully understand your situation, my youngest is ASD non verbal,6. I've had to give up work to care for her as school is currently able to manage 3 hours a morning. She's in year 2. It's really hard. The state of my house is testament! 😅

The danger is, and this is exponentially more damaging to a non neurotypical child, they don't have the desires to do normal kid things in the same ways if they are exposed to the tablets and screens too much or too early. There is a lot of peer reviewed data and it is certainly not exaggerated. You also increase the potential massively for them to retreat to the screen/internet/computer games at times they really need to face whatever it is that is causing them to desire the escapism and solitude. Add the that what they will be exposed to and how gradually it will happen, it's very hard to put rules in place for a 10-14 year old around something they have had plenty of free access to all their living memory. Don't underestimate the damage to a toddler with Autism and other SEN, the path leads no where good.

That said, of course a bit of screen time is fine and sometimes you absolutely need to get a few minutes uninterrupted to do things that need doing,. You're not lazy or a bad parent and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I allow the TV to be on songs (YouTube, I'm always present as she can't assess risk well enough to be left (Ed Psych assessment) more than a few minutes at a time. That brings me to another important point re. giving a toddler a tablet to entertain themselves. We allowed our daughter to use the tablet (same room, same song play list she is currently obsessed with) and then I saw her trying to get her tongue in the hole for the charger. Yep. Turned on, oldish tablet, fullish battery. I don't sleep much. 🤣

Hope this helps and doesn't sound judgey, just wanted to be honest and answer your question.

I think the world is different now than it was 18 or more years ago.

There's a difference between TV time and gaming time.

Compared to young kids even young than 1 years of age being brought up on YouTube and stuff like Cocomelon.

Cocomelon has been called Crack for kids.

The bright colours and quick changes in scene make it almost impossible for kids to turn away from the screen.

When your kids are young. Would they be sat at a restaurant with their faces in a tablet while eating??

Smartphones now, have access to so much social media- tiktok. YouTube.snapcbat etc.

Some kids just have their faces in a phone.

You don't say how long ago your kids applied to Oxford. But if its more than 5 years ago even for teens there has been a huge shift in how long they spend on their phones.

Great - another judgy thread - the know it alls will be orgasmic.

Looking at a tablet or a phone is very different to watching half an hour of CBeebies - so the argument about I grew up with screens is nonsense. Gaming is also far more interactive than TikTok/YouTube - though too much of it isn't great.

There's plenty of research into screens contributing to the huge rise in ADHD or ASD.

I managed with two tiny children and a dh away a lot without screens, I'm very glad they weren't an option then, because obviously I see the temptation. But to say it can't be done simply isn't true.

Your family are right, OP, you should stop it.

It depends on what they're doing on the screens. I'm happy for DS to be doing actual productive/educational screen things- he's very into coding etc but if I left him to it unsupervised he'd try to be watching YouTube shorts for hours on end.
other ds only likes Roblox etc so I'm more inclined to limit his screen time a bit more because just sitting playing Roblox for hours on end isn't a good use of time especially for a developing brain

You are BU

I have honestly never understood the need for screen for a toddler. What they don't have, they don't miss. Obviously it's only with your first child that you can stop the tv full stop, when siblings watch they watch too.

However, toddler are either around you or doing their own thing, there's absolutely no need for screens - it's a personal choice but I disagree about the
"only way to get anything done".

How do other parents manage? You adapt depending on the child. Either they are with you, or you put a door gate and they play behind.

There's absolutely no need for screens to get things done - you make the choice to have them, why not, but it's only a choice.

It absolutely is part of the problem

The lack of eye contact and speech interaction is incredible.

To be fair, I used to get up at 5 and watch ceefax and the occasional open university programme when I was a kid… it was that or the girl with the clown. Some kids do just get up early.

Is there any research to back up the difference between TV screens and tablets/phones etc? My 2 watch a fair amount of TV - the 5 year old probably has an hour or so a day and the toddler will often sit to watch for a bit. But we’ve never owned a tablet as it just felt easier to never have one then to try and implement limits. Will try and hold off as long as possible to be honest.

I was referring to when my kids were young and tablets and smartphones hadn’t been invented. There were kids channels on all day. They were a godsend for me

You lost me at the idea that you can’t get anything done if you don’t give the kids screens

humans have been brought up getting things done for millenia. It’s for your convenience that you give them screens because it’s easier . I know. Been there. Put the effort in

its bad for them , they learn far less than they would form you getting them to help or getting them to keep out of your way

This is type of thing that is a very recent trend.

Maybe it's the parents screen use that's holding up school readiness and poor speech as so many times you see kids getting ignored and adults head bent into their phone.

I can’t choose between YANBU and YABU as I think it’s more nuanced than just screens or no screens. Having brought up 4 children born between 1997 and 2009 I think that an hour and a half watching a Pixar film or playing offline Minecraft is better than half an hour on a fighting game or social media for subsequent behavior and mental health .

Likewise, the age of the child - younger DS used to play Fortnite from about age 14 but always with his older brother also online or DH monitoring who he was playing with. My older two have come off social media and DS1 monitors his gaming carefully, as they both have recognized that it has been detrimental to their mental health when they were younger. They say that them and most of their friends will not be allowing their children to have phones as the content children can access on social media and via search engines is horrific and “we” have no idea what is out there. So I don’t think screen time is always bad, but a lot of the content that comes through them, and the people who can access children through screens is where the stakes are high for harm.