To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

Op, my child is 14 months and has not had any screen time! Phone, iPad or even telly. We didn’t decide - it just happened that way or neither of us have time for telly and we consciously try not to use our phones around her only because we want to give her attention she deserves! I worry she will be behind the curve with all cool things eg I don’t have Instagram..I got Facebook 3 years ago but by then no one was really using it!
i think you do what’s best for your family!!! Unless those people who are judging you are offering to help with the kids then they can do one!!! You do what you need to get through the day…

I'm told that from the age of 4, my nose was permanently buried in a book. Some was entertainment of course, but we also owned a 10-volume Children's Encyclopaedia which I'd read cover-to-cover. If I'd had access to the vastly extended amount of information online, maybe my career would have been even more.... Well OK. :-) But it didn't ruin me. And limiting the 'screen time' of a similarly inclined youngster today would be as cruel as it would have been to ration my reading.
Now I approach the other end of my lifespan, my 'window on the world' will make limited mobility and resources bearable. We shouldn't demonise 'screens'.

It absolutely is over the top, in my opinion it's a moral panic. Screens have pros and cons like anything else. Literally every new technology gets this reaction, when novels were first invented people thought they would rot women's brains - now reading books is seen as a sign of intelligence! Another example is landlines! There's a couple of good podcasts on this that might help you push back or just feel more validated, I think one if not both of them explains how some of the research people love to quote about screens is not high quality:
Youre Wrong About - Phones are good, actually
Panic world - Are kids brains being rotted by screens?
It doesn't sound like you have the time to read but there's also a book called 'Unlocked: the real science of screen time' by Pete Etchells and he's done a few articles/interviews that might give you the highlights eg this one in the Guardian

I think the fact that you use it as a tool and that it is helpful to you is a fact that can be true, but that doesn’t mean that it is not detrimental to kids health and well-being. I tend to be fairly pragmatic about most things but I have to say that I do believe strongly that giving young children devices and screens to play games on is really bad for them. My children are 14 and 12 and have fairly limited device screen time now, but had none at all before they were 11. They were allowed to watch a bit of tv (not YouTube or anything) but had no access at all to phones or gaming consoles until they were 11 and still don’t have a tablet. They have a shared Xbox that they can play a few hours a week but never online, and they both have locked down iPhones - no social media whatsoever, no internet browsers, no YouTube, limited games and parental approval required for pretty much everything, shutdown times between 7:30pm to 7:30am, 1 hour max on phones a day. Their school doesn’t allow phones on campus as well which is great. That’s how strongly we feel about it as parents.

in contrast they have huge amounts of freedom in the rest of their lives - we live on a farm and they drive tractors, are allowed to roam free on our land, they ride their bikes a few miles along country lanes to hang out with friends at their houses, if they want to catch a train to the nearest town to meet friends then we drive them to the train station and let them get on with it.

They are both happy with this arrangement and prefer to spend time doing things in the real world - playing sports, doing sports training (both very competitive and high level with their sports), learning tricks on the trampoline, whittling with their hunting knives, firing flaming arrows in the garden 🙄, or out playing on their bikes. We have agreed with both that there will be no social media until they are 18 but the eldest has already said he would like never to have SM. People like to say that children will be left out if they don’t have everything available to them but it simply isn’t true - over use of phones and SM in particular causes so many problems with my nieces. My boys are both nice kids and so they are popular and have nice friends who include them in everything.

My youngest has lots of ADHD traits and if he were allowed lots of time gaming etc his behaviour would be so so much worse. He would also crave it I think whereas now he can happily come off after 30-60 mins, if he is ever left for longer he finds it harder to come off it and his behaviour is noticeably much poorer afterwards. When they were little I worked full time and my husband worked away for extended periods - I never gave the boys devices or let them watch loads of tv. Yes it’s harder work but also more joyful spending lots of time with your children - doing the fun stuff and the drudge stuff, without relying on devices to parent your kids.

I would love to know how many kids is a fuck ton of them 🤣🤣

I voted yanbu because as a parent, you do what you have to do. No one else here has your life.
Of course the less time on a tablet is better than all day viewing however, your kids your rules.

Screens aren't inherently bad. It's how they are used and for how long plus what are you doing in between?
At 2 and 6 mine (only a few years ago) were only allowed cbeebies. Even then there has been a change from live to on demand since my youngest was 2.
Eldest got a switch at 6 and our rule has always been
All homework and house jobs must be finished first
No games after dinner (we eat together at the table)
When we say turn it off you do it with no argument.

Eldest is now 10 and ADHD ASD. He LOVES screens. Would watch literally anything including history shows, antiques roadshow, golf etc. all things he has no interest in but, screens always win!
For this very reason we will continue to monitor and limit.
He is allowed the laptop for learning games/homework/coding and graphic design.

Absolutely no Roblox, Fortnite , tiktok or YouTube.

When my youngest was 2 he would sit at the table/highchair playing with play dough or drawing while I cooked. Or even just chatting, having a snack, looking at a book.
Eldest would have been happily playing alone in another room with a bit of string and a coat hanger....not sure how we didn't realise he was autistic.

Now if you are saying you allow them screens while you cook but spend hours a day chatting, reading, playing and sharing experiences with your kids. Fair play.
If they go to school and nursery then just watch screens.....

I don't like screen time and try to minimize it, but when we do it is something educational. Mine is turning 4, we basically started screen time with only educational videos, no cartoons at all. He know so many things now I would not even imagine a child his age can, not mentioning he learned majority of his English, alphabet, numbers and started reading by himself, all due to that videos. (We are multi-lingual family, so I communicate with him in my language solely, my husband in his and between each other we speak in English. I was adamant he needs to learn our langugages, because English will come automatically. And it was true!) So yes to screen time for useful things and absolutely no to just watch anything to kill time.

Screen time used to mean TV, but that was a much more controlled medium not the wild west of today's version.

I wish parents could just spend one day in a classroom with kids who spend every waking moment on a screen.

Of course you do, it challenges your norms.

My toddler does help me cook, but probably watches 2 hours of TV split across the day 4 days a week or so, and that’s too much too.

It’s not some random judgement, it’s proven. There’s not nuance in it.

You have to make the calls that work for your life, of course, but screens may well be making your life harder anyway. They reduce focus, attention span, increase the need for constant dopamine, encourage addictive behaviour.

It’s your call how you parent, of course; and people should stop offering unsolicited opinions, but that doesn’t make it less damaging.

People are ignoring the many experienced teachers on this thread who have observed the changes in behaviour. I think some parents must be in denial.

I don't like tv.
It makes my son distracted and inattentive.
He has a speech delay, could be on the spectrum and yet when he watches zero tv for a week, he's so much better.
But every time he watches it say 2 days in a row, it's hard to get him of it and round and round goes the cycle.

And unfortunately he recently got back into it because I've been ill.
But I stop it when I can and nursery always say really positive things when he hasn't watched it in awhile, i.e 'oh wow he's engaging in all activities, he's not pushing kids away, he's saying hi' etc.

I honestly don't know why tv affects him so but I've tested it time and time again for the last year, it's definitely the tv, and the tableta and phones are a 1000 times worse.
Need to stop again 😫

It’s science based research. It literally re wires children’s brains and destroys creative play. It’s also highly addictive.

The nuance is screen time quality. Watching horrible histories on iplayer is a lot different to watching unmonitored videos on you tube.

How do you know she's always on the iPad when she's with mum? Have you been spying?

The neglect bit I agree with it's too easy to hand over a screen than to interact with your child .
Seeing kids on a screen and mum and dad with there heads in their phones.
It's sad.

What about those uneducated parents who AREN'T middle class (seeing as you felt the need to point out you were graduate MC parents) but still valued education. They just don't have the money to help at all so different choices might have to be made?

That's what was snobby. Your need to point out your education and your class. You could have just said children growing up in families who value education. You didn't need to call out "uneducated" or point out your own class.

My grandaughter is 4 half of week with mum always has an iPad comes to dad who is my son he doesn't give her an iPad anymore.
She is more talkative aware of what's going on around her reads books colours helps me do things at home.
We go out go to the park get in the fresh air.
We do see a more switched on little person .
They're ok in short bursts but not constantly.. I love the interaction from my grandaughter it changes if she is on a screen.

I agree but both things can be true: screens are a tool which can make modern family life more bearable, whilst also causing harm. In the 1950s many mums self-medicated with Valium (“mother’s little helper”) which probably made family life more bearable. But which also doubtless caused harm 🤷‍♀️

So much new ones to this debate and so easy to be polarised. In reality or all screen time is equal, and too much is entirely subjective. Is it an hour? Is it four? Is it six? Some of the arguments around it I’ve also dated - no society didn’t collapse without screens in the 90s, completely different time with social norms likely in your children play outside alone wouldn’t be tolerated now. The load on parents was also different. There wasn’t the emails, texts, WhatsApp groups and constant admin and involvement in school in the same way or even close to what we have now.

Mine don’t game (only at Christmas when they get one game), don’t watch iPads in their rooms, but watch a tonne of TV (probably 4-5 hours most days in chunks). They also do brownies beaver’s gymnastics football climbing swimming walks, crafting drawing games quizzes and a tonne of other things. We are completely maxed as two full time professionals and couldn’t cope without it.

TV is still a screen

They let them watch children's TV or DVDs or Videos. I did. Its hard when you are trying to do it on your own. It was hard for me and I wasn't. Hubby worked quite long hours. I sympathise with anyone who allows their children to use iPad etc. I maybe would try to cut down and limit it to maybe two hours a day. Maybe three in school holidays.

I know you are finding it difficult. I am a single parent, have been fir most of the time. But I do not agree with lots of screen time. My kids have a lot of disabilities, so do I. But regardless of very little sleep etc for decades my youngest is 26, but developmentally 3 months & is in wheelchair 24/7. I do not agree with hours a day of screen time. There must be interaction with you not screens. Reading them stories. Making up stories together. Old fashioned games, coloring etc. Going out for walks in the park. If you have a dog even better. Or maybe take a friends dog for a walk. You will feel better for being outside too. Yes let the kids cook with you. And help you a bit with safety in mind house hold chores. Bringing down their own washing, putting it away when done. Maybe helping to unload the dishwasher? But not the cutlery perhaps for the young ones. Get them involved. Although your husband works Kate, that is not an excuse for him not to help at least a little bit. Things won't get better over night, but seriously for your children's sake limit screen times. At first they will not be happy, but it will be a kind of tough love kind of thing. And your eldest could look d try & interact with his siblings more. I remember my sister reading to us when we were younger, long time ago. Tv more time then not did not work. We all grew up loving books & reading them was such an enjoyment.

It's definitely a moral panic... it reminds me of the panic over violence on TV, video games etc.

Of course, there will be some examples of damage but it's much complex than that and is often linked to neglect. People always forget that research in this area is correlational so not that straightforward.

I had a fuck ton of kids that I brought up alone without screen time.

It’s a VERY serious problem that’s ruining a whole generation of people.

People like you, OP, give me the rage.