friend wants to borrow £1k

I clicked YABU meaning YABU to lend her it.

Do not give her anything. You’ll never see it again

She needs £1500 (her £500 and your £1000) to last her until Feb pay day? Even if at end of the month that’s only a month away. If she’s left herself short for essential bills because she’s bought a car and a holiday, that’s goes to show how well she prioritises paying those owed over her own frivolities and I would not want to become owed money by her.

Nope, don’t lend it. This is a problem of her own making by not being careful enough with money. (You shouldn’t go on holiday and buy a new car if you’re going to be left £1k short to cover essentials because of not working just for a few weeks). Just say sorry it’s not possible, no explanation needed.

It doesn't matter if she's your best friend.

You don't have the money to lose. If you ever lend money you never loan more than you can afford to lose.

Her bad financial planning isn't for you to bail out.

Her priority is her holiday spending money, not the car. If she can't afford to fund herself for the month, she shouldn't go on holiday. She should just write off the holiday and stay home.

Its not ok.

If she can't manage her money and needs £1000, she can't manage her money to afford to pay you back.

She'd rather burn you and your friendship than sort her own shit out.

But you don’t have the money spare, though. It’s being held in a savings account temporarily for a house deposit. This isn’t your holiday money we’re talking about here—it’s for your property purchase. It’s not her business how much you and DH have saved up—she is not your financial responsibility.

If you loan her this money, I guarantee she will be back for more next month. The kindest thing you can do for her is to not give her the money and to signpost her to budgeting websites—Martin Lewis, The Budget Mom, or YNAB, for example. They all say that you need to have an emergency fund for these instances, and it is clear that your friend doesn’t have one. She needs guidance and a plan.

I’d only loan her the amount I could afford to gift her, because you are highly unlikely to get any of it back, and likely to be asked for more. She doesn’t have the right to be chipping away at your house deposit, in my opinion.

Not a chance.

I wouldn't lend anyone money nor would I ask anyone to lend it to me.

I once saw an interview with a lottery winner who said that when you win, people in your life think they won too and that it's entirely appropriate to ask you for money and that when you do give, even if you lend or even give thousands, they'll quickly come back for more simply because you have it and they don't so think you should continue 'helping them out'.

I think that applies to any situation where people think you have 'disposable income or savings' when they don't.

You've got it so why wouldn't you share your good fortune with them and help them out?

Then you'll find they're not really wanting to pay it back and they think you don't really need it so why are you being so weird about it?

Its a really simple NO.

She needs to tap up her overdraft
Get a credit card
And / or get on vinted.

You say you dont have thst cash available its tied up and cant be accessed.

You can do a food shop and she can gove you £100 back next month.

There is no way id be buying new cars and going on hols. Where is she getting spending money from?
She also has no means / plan on how to repay that money

You will never see it again and you will resent it.

I would probably lend the couple of hundred if you can afford to do so (and be prepared to not get it back for a bit).

I've lent my bestie money. It is being paid back, but I did it on the basis that I was OK not getting it back. Our friendship is more important to me and I couldn't not help her when I had the money just sitting there.

Absolutely no way. Everyone knows someone who had a friendship ruined because of a loan. Why the fuck is she going on holiday if she has no money? If you feel comfortable lending a couple of hundred then do that, on the basis you can afford to lose it if she doesn't pay you back. Tell her that everything else is tied up for the house move and any significant money transfers will be questioned by mortgage lenders and will affect your mortgage

How happy would you be to not get the money back?
How not getting the money back affect your friendship?
How would not getting the money back affect your relationship with husband.

if she's going on holiday, she's fine - what a cheek!

Money lend.
To a friend,
Lose them both,
In the end

Don't do it - I've read too many horror stories on here of BFFs becoming surprisingly uncontactable once they owe you money.
£1000 is a lot of money and you risk not seeing it (or her!) ever again. She's not going to be able to pay it back at the end of February - "something else" will come up.
Offer her the £200 if you feel bad, and if you can afford to lose it. But if you think you feel bad now, imagine how bad you'd feel if you never got £1000 back, and your BFF starts avoiding you bc she owes you £1000...

No.

She has just bought a car and is away next week on holiday. she said she’s got £500 to last her til February payday.

Her choice, her poor planning.

IME this gets worse once you have lent the money. Think how you will feel when she owes you, hasn’t paid you back, but has bought another car, booked another holiday.

I have been there. I didn’t want to be enmeshed with their choices. I didn’t want them to be indebted to me. I didn’t want to feel like a mug or be helpless in getting the money back.

Don’t do it, it ruins relationships.

I'm one of the few who voted YABU, not because I think you must lend her the money, but because I believe in the circumstances you've described, I would lend it.

This is your close childhood friend who normally works & pays her own way but is struggling this month due to her job change. In reaching this view, I'm assuming however that the holiday was long pre-booked and not booked very recently when she knew it would leave her short. I'm assuming similar re her car, ie that she was committed to buying it because of her new job. If that's not the case, I'd probably change my view.

You could offer a sum you feel more comfortable lending if £1k is definitely beyond the pale.

You say you don't know when she'll pay it back. You could ask her what her repayment plan is, or suggest one to her before you agree to lend her the cash. You know she's got a new job so presumably she'll be able to start repaying you as soon as she gets her first salary?

Like I said, and as every other poster is also saying, I do agree that you don't ever have to lend anyone anything, but I believe in these particular circumstances, I would lend it.

Eta for typos and clarity

Or, https://www.findyourcreditunion.co.uk/

Say no. She has a real cheek to be honest.

She needs to cancel her holiday if she can't afford to go and take the car back.

Only lend what you can afford to not get back…. Also think how it will affect your friendship if you have to chase for money that she owes you. Also you need that 1k for a deposit for a house, perhaps she should have thought of he priorities in the same way before buying a car and Holiday

OP, your friend is crazy - asking to borrow money is the quickest way ever to end a friendship. Do not under any circumstances lend this person more money than you can afford to lose. If you feel the friendship is worth a couple of hundred quid, then let her have it, but be under no illusion that there will always be some “very good reason” why she can’t return it and that “if you were a true friend, you’d understand.” Quite clearly, your friend has no sense of priorities if she is paying for a holiday yet needing money for essentials. I wouldn’t let a friend starve, but I’d certainly not be funding their extravagant lifestyle at the expense of my own family’s well-being. Any normal person would go to the bank first, then family, if they were in need of money. Just be very careful - and don’t fall out with your DH over it: it’s simply not worth it. It is OK to say no.

@Namechangwbillionthtime 'I don't think it's true that it never ends well'
Fair enough, but it's true most of the time.

I would give my bestie £1k if I had it and she needed it. Would I lend it to her? Absolutely not.

Though to be fair, in the circs you describe, I would not really be describing it as "she needs it." As others have said: help with a food shop or similar.

I would be concerned if she can't get it from anywhere else (parents, bank loan) and would indicate that she is not to be trusted with money.

So her to do list was:

1. Buy car
2. Go on holiday
3. Ponce money off friend

As everybody has said, no no no.

Can you afford to give her the money as a gift? No? Unless you can don’t lend the money- it will get unpleasant very quickly if she can’t/wont repay it, your friendship won’t survive either.

If you want to, lend —give— her a couple of hundred, the rest of your savings are in a locked high interest savings account, aren’t they?

When is her February payday? I should have thought she could pay any bills with the £500 and use her credit card for food.

Fair enough but in the context of about to go on holiday?

The friend either has spending money for the trip (in which case she probably shouldn’t go if she needs to borrow money)
or she is angling for some holiday spending money (in which case she probably shouldn’t go if she needs to borrow money).

Either way, she is putting her friend (OP) in a difficult position and OP has already feels a bit put out given friend has bought a car and is about to go on holiday, so the resentment is already there.

If it is one-off, she could use a credit card to cover the £1000.