friend wants to borrow £1k

Sorry I forgot to answer, yes, in November I messaged her and said I couldn't do it any longer as had a debt to pay myself and was already short due to the money owed. .

Its awkward as both DH and I earn ok money but not really enough to just write off £1300 for no reason. I guess technically we could but it feels wrong to as I feel she could pay it back but due to her lifestyle prioritises other things (alcohol mainly).

Sorry, I dont think my post was worded well. She borrowed £1300 for a holiday she came on with us, the idea was that she was paying me each month leading up to the holiday, which she didn't. She paid the odd amount (it was more than 1300 in total) then stopped paying. Since then she has asked a few days-a week before pay day to borrow the odd £10-50 but has paid that back on pay day each time. So not adding to debt but not paying anything off either. It appears I am not the only one she owes money to.

She's my sons best friends mum so its all very awkward. She has a lot of issues and everyone is losing patience.

I’d probably say I was a bit short myself after Christmas and offer £500 to tide her over. Her employment situation is unfortunate and the holiday would be rebooked so it’s not like she’s been spending money she didn’t have. Get an agreement about paying you back though

I would say it’s tied up in savings and you’ll be penalised if you take it out. Or better yet just say ‘No’ Honestly, if she buys some holiday clothes and a new handbag with it would you be fine with that? Because it seems likely it’s not just for essentials.

I think just put it as you did in your second post- a couple of hundred you could do but you can’t lend what she’s asked for. The ins and outs of that are none of her business and you don’t have to explain beyond what you said about current and savings accounts.

I probably would, a good friend as couldn’t
see them suffer. Depends how soon you need that deposit. I borrowed a close friend 12k a few years back, from my house deposit for a campervan. She was so excited about getting it and when she told me she could buy it the following year I offered her to borrow it. We did an official loan and she signed her pension to me incase anything happened. Sadly she died suddenly last year and I was so glad she had that extra year of joy. Different situation, as I knew 100% she would pay me back as she had money coming and she never asked, I offered and so glad I did. Had I needed the money, I wouldn’t.

Depends if your DH is on board too, for me it was just me alone who decided. Don’t feel pushed into. Does she have anyone else who coulf help her?

Please don’t ….i did this with my cousin who was basically my sister didn’t get a penny back and rumours spread about me to justify why she didn’t pay me back.

I imagine the holiday was booked before she fell ill and the car was needed to get to work so I'd not assume that she spent all this money after she fell sick. However if she doesn't have funds set aside for a rainy day like being sick without pay, what is she doing paying for holidays? Why not get a credit card? Or ask someone else closer like family? How will she pay it back if she's gone a full month without pay and other expenses accruing in that time? If your instincts are warning you then listen to them. She'd need to pay you back at the rate of 300 a month for you to feel like you've had the money back and she'll struggle with anything like that due to being without pay. Just say post Christmas you're skint too and your savings are not accessible. No point even doing a written loan agreement with her: you'd need to go to small claims to enforce it and they'd probably order she pay it back at 10 quid a month. Friendship dead right there.

Bloody hell that’s outrageous. Has the £20, £50 etc added up to £1300?

Have you stopped lending?

Does she have a partner who is working?

Where is she going on holiday?

I should have added that she asks almost every month for money, £10,20,50 in the last week of the month as she has no food. I kept lending it (she paid that back every pay day) but in the end I prewarned her I couldnt do it from the following month. She's not paid any of the original amount since then either.

I wouldn't lend that amount. I am still owed £1300 from a friend, shes made little attempt to pay it back. So frustrating.

My mantra now is don't lend out any amount you're not happy to not get back.

How is she affording the holiday OP? Surely she’ll need spending money for that even if it’s been paid off!

She is basically looking to you for holiday spending money and is taking the mickey. If she is that short she won't be in a position to pay you back for ages (if at all).

Whilst it is sad she is off with stress it isn't your problem. You have your kids and husband to look out for.

100% this! When I was doing a post grad and skint most of my housemates were qualified and working full time - one guy who worked in a good IT job always said he was skint, always argued about paying shares of bills or buying loo roll, had to be convinced to leave the house as he had no money. On Fridays when we would often get drinks and take aways he would plead poverty, when we went to the pub he would plead poverty so we all funded him, including me when I had no income. Then someone rear ended his car and despite admitting fault at the time disputed what happened so it had to go to court which took years to sort, he was pissed cause he had to dip into his savings to buy a brand new car for circa £20k! We were shocked and asked him why he was scabbing off us all year and saying he was broke when he had huge savings, he said he is broke because most of his pay goes into savings on the day he gets paid so he is in fact broke. He was quite affronted that we challenged him on it! Literally every month he was saying he couldn’t afford to eat, go out the door or buy a roll of toilet paper. People have vastly different definitions of “broke”. I suspect your friend with her new car and holiday is eating out and rounds of drinks broke!

This doesn't end well no matter how close the friend is.

Surely she should have planned for that?

I agree with this but there's always that sense of entitlement and resentment that you expect them to actually pay it back.
Quickest way to ruin a friendship imho

Its not tight and stingy to keep your money to yourself.
The only person who knows how much we have in savings is my DH

Everyone is saying it's likely spending money for her holiday but it's more likely she will have a gap in pay if she's starting a new job, I had something similar when I changed jobs, if she has bills to pay £500 won't get her far.
Personally I would do it on the proviso she breaks down how and when she will pay it back, especially as she is such an old friend

Even if it is at the end of Feb its still too much to ask of a friend

No, just no. Don't do it OP. Tell her your savings aer in a fixed rate account and you can't make withdrawals.

Do not lend her the money. I’m staggered she asked you - I can’t imagine any circumstances in which I would ask a friend to tide me over to the next pay day. It’s a horrible position to put someone in.

So just as pointless as your original post then?

Agree 👍