Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unflip

1 2 ··· 11 12 13 14 15 16

Original poster

Friend coming down hard on me for lack of communication

387 replies

Uhohhouse · 22/01/2026 12:01

I have a friend with whom about 90% of our relationship is on WhatsApp as we live in opposite ends kf the country. From time to time I will drop off communication wise and only be able to manage a quick emoji response or one liner, and i think this is because I have a partner and also live with extended family: it means that I am constantly engaging with people non stop whereas she lives alone.
Last week I got a rap on the knuckles for "dropping off the radar" and I apologised for making her feel neglected. The truth was I was having a hit of an extended christmas and there was loads of family visits happening and then me and DP went on a week-long roadtrip.

I ca t help but feel resentful though. On the one hand I DONT want her to feel neglected but on the other hand I dont have this issue with any other friends.

Has anyone had something similar?

OP posts:

IPM · 22/01/2026 12:17

Uhohhouse · 22/01/2026 12:08

Shes not looking for replies on eg whether I want to meet up at the weekend.
Shes expecting updates on life and how life is going approx every 3 to 4 days

Show quote history

And that's too much for you?

LoveWine123 · 22/01/2026 12:16

I think it’s absolutely fine to have different communication needs and friends for different things…with some I’m happy to message every day or so, but with others once a month is enough. And that’s absolutely fine. However I do think it’s unreasonable to claim this is due to busyness. You are just prioritising other things so just own it.

Lopteluga · 22/01/2026 12:12

I was going to say your friend is unreasonable and you don’t owe her anything, and I hate the expectation that we’re always available. However, that’s not really a way to run a friendship.

I agree with the comment above - I’m perplexed by people who reply weeks later and say they’ve been busy. It literally takes 10 seconds to message, even if it’s just “Really busy right now but will reply next week”.

The reality is, they read it and didn’t give enough of a shit to reply.

havingoneofthosedays · 22/01/2026 12:11

If you wanted to you would.

Busy with partner 🤢

the7Vabo · 22/01/2026 12:11

It doesn’t take any length of time really to type of few sentences. If you care about her, you know she’s on her own why not be sure to text her. I do it with one of my friends who is having a hard time, it takes hardly any time & I don’t resent it as I care about her.
Maybe you resent it because she’s brought it up & you feel negatively about that which is human. If however you resent having to contact her you’re not really friends anymore I would think.

cramptramp · 22/01/2026 12:10

And yet here you are on Mumsnet. If you can’t be bothered to interact, tell her, end the friendship.

KateBushAgain · 22/01/2026 12:10

I had a friend that would guilt trip me about not getting in touch, she became such a pain in the ass about it I made it permanent.
Friendship should be easy and enjoyable it’s not a job.

noidea69 · 22/01/2026 12:08

Bit needy of her isnt it?

Are you in whattsapp groups that she is in too, where you reply to group chat but not her directly?

Branleuse · 22/01/2026 12:08

I don't see why you have to apologise for being busy? I'd tell her that you have a busy life and sometimes hectic and of course you'd love to be able to devote time to each and every friend, but that's not realistic or fair.

I wouldn't appreciate the pressure. I've got enough on, and friends shouldn't add to that

HoskinsChoice · 22/01/2026 12:08

Time to post on mumsnet. No time to chat to a friend.

Hopefully she'll realise you're not in any way worth the effort.

Original poster

Uhohhouse · 22/01/2026 12:08

IPM · 22/01/2026 12:06

It takes seconds to type a few words.

And then if they reply immediately to open up a conversation, that's when you tell them you're busy right now and will get back to them.

I don't understand all these people who say life is 'too busy' and 'too hectic' to type a couple of sentences.

But on the other hand if you see it as over contact and it irritates you, then be honest with yourself.