Friend coming down hard on me for lack of communication

No-one can be that busy they can't find a few minutes to text a friend .

I'd rather never speak to any human ever again than have a friend that sends voice notes. Worst invention ever.

Wtf is the deal with people who think it's OK to pressure friends for constant contact?
Do you only have one friend or no other responsibilities??

I have loads of people who I feel like I'd love to speak to more often. Genuinely. I have family members as well as friends I consider close and extremely important, that I haven't spoken to properly in weeks or months and am desperate for a coffee and catch up.
With family responsibilities, kids, dogs, aging parents with scary health issues, work and dishes and the fckn laundry , It just doesn't happen, but I do know that when we do, it will be lovely and healing and we all get it.

Social media is brilliant for keeping up with people in a low key way, but directly having to message or call, is not just the time it takes to write the messsge. You have to actually be able to focus on it and have time for the response too.

It's not unreasonable for someone to want a constant contact bestie I guess, but surely that happens organically or not at all, and even then, I'd have thought they would maybe express that they miss me, or they'd try and organise seeing me. Not give me a telling off.

Rather than the back and forth of texting why not call her. It’s easier to set aside for 10 minutes and the be done rather than the constant on and off of texting.

I use my drive to catch up on correspondence

sorry, but that's literally how it works? People are in touch when convenient, and less when .. they are busy?

Their contacts should do exactly the same.

It's only unreasonable when someone expects everyone to drop everything - if you dont ask a specific urgent question or are not arranging something happening in the next few hours, you message when you feel like it?

It is fine to be busy - day to day life is often hectic. But if you want to keep up with this friend, maybe you can put aside time in your diary once a week for an update. Like I phone my elderly mum once a week. If you take 10 minutes to put together a couple of photos and a few sentences, and then make a cup of tea and reply to her comments, that means you aren’t off the radar. But you also don’t have to carry the mental load of “must reply to Amy” the rest of the time.

I don't think it's down to "living alone" at all.

Some people are just needy, your friend is one. She probably would be just as needy and bored with a partner.

Every 3-4 days feels a lot unless she's a very close friend? Or do you have form for getting in touch when it suits you, then going quiet when it doesn't?

my phone is constantly beeping and buzzing . I glance at stuff, but I don't reply immediately to everything because I am not dropping everything I am doing to typing a message every single time.

If someone has time to write that they're busy, it means they are not 😂

And sometimes I forget to reply, so what?

Some people, you can send a voice note - but others hate it, so they have to wait.
Some people are happy to use communication the way it was designed for, and are happy to receive messages at any time day or night - but if they want to stick with business hours, then again they wait.

Adults who feel neglected because not everyone has time to chit chat constantly need to get a life frankly.

"hey BFF, I am swamped with family this week.. let's have a proper catch up when they have all gone ok?"

What did the rap on the knuckles actually consist of?

Yanbu. It’s completely dull to send text messages about life. Why does one friends desire to send boring messages trump the others desire not to?

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong with this. Some people, I think, have almost a need to be in constant contact with their friends and then there are those of us who love our friends dearly but who just don’t have that compulsion to stay connected. All my friends are very low maintenance - I’d be there in a flash if they needed me but I can go many months without texting or speaking to them.

And if you split up with your partner, I bet you'd be turning to your friend immediately for support.

Dont send voicenotes, whatever you do! Rambling monologues that you then have to sit through at the pace of the sender talking, often away from other ears. Will encourage thw friend to send them back, and expect theyll have been listened too. Tedious beyond words.

OP i feel like you, especially when i have nothing to update and just want some downtime not having to entertain someone. Sadly phones are an imposition on our time and we can no longer escape constant interruptions. I think you do need to explain to your friend that sometimes you are really socially burnt out, especially with all the recent family interactions, and you need some compromise on her side too.

Was it actually a rap on the knuckles, as in she's accusing you of something and saying it's your problem, or was she just letting you know that she's lonely and would like to hear from you more often, and you're taking that as an accusation/attack?

I bet if your partner lived far from you, you would find time to text them.

This.
No one is that entitled to your time and energy except perhaps your kids.

Yeah but then she’d be a person who sends voice notes and who wants to be that?

Yeah if you like, just say that 🤷‍♂️

It's about the communication rather than the actual words.

And it takes a couple of minutes every 3 or 4 days.

Fine if the OP doesn't want to, but she should probably own it.

But what is there to say about life that often?

Yeah, it's OK thanks. Had to clean the filter on the washing machine - so many hair bobbles! And Joe forgot his PE kit - again! How's life with you?

I also wonder why all these very busy people haven't discovered voice notes?

It takes longer to go for a wee than to send one of those.

There is a difference between the OP posting on here asking for a space to share and reflect on something that is bothering her and finding the time to update someone else on the mundane day to day happenings of her life.

Yes, she has made the time to start a thread and she makes the time to communicate with her friend but she doesn't have the time to indefinitely update her every few days on what she's done that day, which is probably along the lines of work, housework, parenting, eating and sleeping. I wouldn't much fancy sharing that every few days either.

It's hard to muster the energy for such frequent exchanges of banality. Especially if she's actually busy.

I would probably be a bit more attentive if she was a really good friend who you usually enjoy.? If you don’t particularly enjoy being her friend then it’s time to let it go.